At the End of the Day
by that girl65
Summary: Quinn & Rachel were together for four years, hopelessly in love. But when Rachel got pregnant, Quinn left under the pressure of her parents. It's a decision she regrets every day until she meets up with Rachel again, 3-year-old in tow. Quinn desperately wants to be apart of their lives again and make it right, but Rachel is hesitant to let the woman back in that abandoned her. G!P
1. Abandonment

AN: Hello! I had a few requests to put my rp's online so here's one that I've had for a few months. Unfortunately, the rp is dead now. But I plan on wrapping it up on my own so that it has some completion and doesn't bother me for the rest of my existence. That being said, I am Quinn and the marvelous talented Rachel is played by rachellovesnyc. She's marvelously talented and I miss her and this rp so so much. But, life happens. So here we are.

I'm going to start with a couple of self paras I did while waiting to see if this rp was dead or not. Then I'll start in with the back and forth paras. I hope you enjoy!

Abandonment (self para)

Three years. Three years to the day and it would be a lie if she told anyone she never thought about it. She thought about it every single day. Like every morning for the past three years, Quinn dragged herself out of bed and looked in the mirror, the same mantra repeating in her head as she took in her tired, disheveled figure.

_My name is Quinn Fabray. And I abandoned my family like the no good coward I am._

Every morning for three years. Quinn tried to forget it, to move on with her life. But...how? How could she forget the look in Rachel's eyes when she told her she was pregnant? Sad, scared...hopeful. That slight twinge of happiness apparent in her expressive face that they were having a baby. _They_. Quinn and Rachel. Having a baby that would be _them._ Hell, even Quinn was excited. Sure it was bad timing but she was having a baby with Rachel Berry. It was something they were going to get to eventually, so why not now? They would have to rearrange their lives a little but it was happening.

She could recall her happiness with stunning clarity. Her heart beating in excitement when she called Santana, then her parents. Her parents. What a joke. Leave it to them. Of course her father was furious, calling her an abomination of God and saying that he should have forced her to get reassignment surgery a long time ago when she didn't have any say in the matter. Then maybe she wouldn't be bringing this baby into the world to live in her filth. If she was smart she would leave Rachel now so that she wasn't forced to raise the child in the shadow of Quinn's condition. How would she explain that _Quinn _was the father? It was hard enough with them being two women (technically) but with what was between Quinn's legs...well that just made it more difficult for not only Rachel...but the baby. And a stupid, naive, scared Quinn foolishly listened to her father for once in her life. She let him plant that seed of doubt in her mind. And she left. And she regret it every day.


	2. Doesn't Remind Me

Doesn't Remind Me (Self Para)

Maybe it was because her eyes reminded Quinn of Rachel's. They were brown and warm and sweet. But then again, maybe it was because she was nothing like Rachel. She was tall, blonde, overtly sexual and not at all musically inclined. Whatever it was, Quinn knew that she liked her. Mary was nice enough after all. She would meet Quinn for lunch at work and leave her cute little notes and stuff. Really, she was the first girl who could make Quinn smile since...well...after Rachel. Plus, Santana had said it was time to move on. Two years was long enough to pine over a girl.

But Quinn wasn't...pining. Was she? She was _hoping_. Hoping to see Rachel walking down the street or in the park, their child in tow. Quinn often wondered if her baby looked like her. Did they have her eyes? Her hair? Her nose? She hoped they looked _something _like her. Not because her genes were so great that their child needed them but just because Quinn wanted her baby to look like her. At least that would be some claim she had on it. Right?

Sure she didn't have any right to hope anything. She was the one that walked out on Rachel after all. But still, Rachel didn't understand! Did she? No. She didn't know what had been going through Quinn's mind and what her father had said and how quickly she regretted it after. She didn't know she spent almost every free minute wandering the streets of New York in hopes of seeing Rachel walking towards her. She didn't know and she was sure Rachel would understand if she knew. Right? Quinn had even written a book about her. A book that outlined every regret and horrible thought that Quinn had about leaving Rachel. Pregnant. Scared. She regretted it every day.

The doorbell rang, successfully pulling Quinn out of her daze. With a confused frown she got up from the couch and set her manuscript down on it before answering the door. Mary, tall and beautiful (but never as beautiful as Rachel) stood on the other side with a wide smile. Quinn returned the smile, albeit somewhat insincerely and let her in.

"Hey, I didn't know you were coming over," Quinn said settling her hands on Mary's hips as pale, slender arms circled her neck, "I would have made dinner or something." Mary shook her head and kissed Quinn softly. "I didn't come for food. I came for you."

Quinn felt something turn in her stomach and she frowned, "W-what?"

Mary began to walk backwards towards the couch until the back of Quinn's knees hit it and she ended up falling onto it. The tall blonde straddled Quinn's thighs, running her hands through choppy blonde hair. "We've been dating for three months, Q," Mary said giving her a long slow kiss, "You've hardly touched me."

Quinn blushed deeply, guilt settling in her stomach. Every time a girl tried to kiss her, _touch _her, she felt like she was cheating on Rachel. Santana had always told her she was being stupid since Rachel obviously hadn't been around for years. She always said part of the reason Quinn had been mopey since Rachel was because she wasn't getting laid, but Quinn knew that was further from the truth. She didn't _want _to sleep with anyone else. She didn't want anyone touching her. Not like that. Not if they weren't Rachel.

"I w-was trying to respect you," Quinn said lamely. It was the same lie she spouted every time someone complained about Quinn "not touching" them. Or being physically distant.

Mary hummed and pressed her whole body to Quinn, grinding down into her lap. "You touching me wouldn't be you disrespecting me. I want you to touch me." Mary took both of Quinn's hands that hand been sitting limply on the couch and placed them on her hips, moving them up over her waist to her breasts. "Like this," Mary said grinding down into Quinn and leaning forward to kiss her again.

Quinn hated that her body responded to this. She hated that she felt blood coursing to her member. She felt dirty and disgusting and just..._used._ Mary let out a soft moan and slid off of Quinn's lap and onto her knees. She pressed her palms to Quinn's knees and spread her legs so that she could fit between them, looking up into hazel eyes with lust.

"Just relax, baby, I'll take care of you," she said before reaching up to undo Quinn's pants and pull out her hardening cock. Quinn shut her eyes and tipped her head back onto the couch, holding back tears. She hated herself. More than usual. She just wanted this over with. She hated that she was enjoying it and hated that it wasn't Rachel. Quinn felt sick. But she felt a hot mouth around her erection and let out a soft, inaudible moan, "_Rachel_."


	3. Her Voice Brings Me Home

Her Voice Brings Me Home (Self Para)

Sometimes Quinn can't remember what the sound of Rachel's voice sounds like. And that scares her. It scares the shit out of her. She can remember how her skin feels under her fingers and their bodies feel pressed together when they're just holding each other or in the throes of passion. Their damp skin pressed so tightly together neither is sure where one starts and one begins. She remembers all of that. But she can't remember her voice. She can't remember the way she would say her name or the way she would sing to her at night. She doesn't remember what her voice sounded like when they were making love. Husky, filled with need. She remembers none of it.

It drives her crazy. Because that was the one thing that Rachel never wanted to forget. How could she forget one of the things that was so important to her? She always loved Rachel's voice. She loved it more than anything in the world. That voice could lull her to sleep or make her laugh big ugly laughs or make her come with just a few choice words.

When Quinn and Rachel had been separated by a few states and didn't have time to spend too much time together, Quinn would call her all the time. Just to hear her voice. It was soothing and warm and curled in her stomach, settling in her bones and crushing her from the inside out. Not in a bad way. Never. In the best way possible. Crushed her in a way that made her feel helpless. Like she was drowning in just pure love and devotion. She could never quite describe it.

And now it was gone. Not being able to remember Rachel's voice was like dying. It scared her more than anything. She would sit in her room, in absolute silence, wracking her brain to remember _something_. Her laugh, her hum, her _sneeze_. But nothing. Quinn paced back and forth, hands tangled in her hair, pulling at it as if trying to extract any sort of memory from her brain by the roots. Quinn sat on her bed and pressed her palms to her eyes, picturing Rachel's face and her mouth, forming words but no sound came out.

Quinn remembered nothing.

Soon she was reduced to being curled in a ball in her bed, always turned towards the outside so that she wouldn't have to be reminded that the other side was empty. Crying silently, tears soaking her pillow until it was saturated with her sadness. She would cry until she couldn't cry anymore, reduced to pathetic sniffling. Her body would be exhausted, her mind heavy and she would drift off to sleep. As sleep over took her, there was a voice in her ear, soothing her, telling her everything was okay. A warmth spread over her, settling somewhere deep inside of her and she smiled. Because she remembered. She remembers what Rachel's voice sounds like. It sounds like home.


	4. Of All the Parks in All the World, pt1

AN: This is where the self paras stop and rping begins. I hope the back and forth isn't confusing and you enjoy. Thanks!

Of All the Parks in All the World, Part 1

Quinn blew her bangs from her face as she struggled to hold Dolly's leash. The dog was pulling more than usual and she cursed herself for not thinking ahead about getting such a big dog. It seemed like a good idea at the time. She wasn't anticipating getting her arm pulled out of her socket every time she went for a walk. Quinn just let herself be pulled to wherever the dog had it's mind set on going, not that there was any point in trying to stop her. She liked to think she had good control over the dog but both of them knew that wasn't true.

Finally looking up from the taut leash, she saw where they were headed and her heart dropped a little. The tell tale brightly colored play equipment loomed ahead and she sighed as the place she made a point to walk by every day for a year got closer. She could already hear the sound of children playing and it only made her heart ache more. Dolly, unaware of any internal turmoil her owner was experiencing at the moment, simply kept pulling them closer to the area, seemingly interested in the sounds made by tiny humans.

Quinn couldn't help but let her eyes wander over the area for any familiar faces. Or rather, one familiar face in general. The same face she was constantly looking for in the streets or coffee shops whenever she passed. The face that haunted her dreams more nights then she would like to admit. Her eyes scanned the benches, her heart lurching every time brown hair came into view, only to be disappointed upon actually getting a look at the person's face. Dolly had (thankfully) stopped pulling and was content to sit close to the playground, watching the children with interest as her tongue lolled out of her mouth in exhaustion.

Quinn finally finished looking over the benches and tried not to be disappointed as she turned to walk towards another bench. As soon as she turned she stopped dead in her tracks, her heart stopping momentarily. Sitting on a bench just a few feet to her side was Rachel Berry. It had to be her. The long brown hair swept over her shoulder, the nose that she loved kissing so much, the familiar carmel skin, the eyelashes fluttering over brown eyes she had found herself getting lost in more than she wanted to admit, fingers dancing over the page of what appeared to be a script. It had to be Rachel. It had to be.

She willed her limbs to move and approached Rachel cautiously, like someone approaches a wounded animal. Her heart raced and her throat was dry as she stopped a few steps away from the bench. She swallowed thickly and managed to choke out, "R-Rachel?"

* * *

Rachel's day was going nicely enough. Elizabeth was in a bouncy mood today, which was always a little harder on Rachel, especially when she had an audition to work on. Life as a single parent required impeccable work to home-life balance, Rachel had learned that the hard way. So on these kinds of days, Rachel had to compromise. She'd take her baby girl to the park and let her run around, while she sat on a bench very nearby— because Rachel was a frighteningly protective parent. In her eyes, these days, it was just herself and Elizabeth against the whole, harsh world. Sure, she had her dads to depend on if she really needed it, but for the most part, they were alone.

Elizabeth was a funny sort of child. She couldn't read yet, but she loved being read to. She had a miniature library of her own in her bedroom, and some days in the park were spent with Elizabeth on her lap, having a script read to her with extra drama, just to keep her interested. It was something that she could only have gotten from Quinn, Rachel knew.

Quinn, the bookish woman who helped create the perfect little girl who was currently running between the play area and Rachel's bench, each time returning with handfuls of sand that Rachel would reluctantly take with a big "Thanks, sweetie." and that part was something she could only have gotten from Rachel. She was an absurd and perfect mix of the two of them, without ever even meeting Quinn. She was strange and beautiful and adorable. The best of both of them.

As soon as Elizabeth turned her back again and ran to the play area, Rachel dropped the handful of sand with a fond smile, adding to her miniature sand pit by her feet. Her eyes went back to the script in her lap, idly sipping from her cardboard cup of coffee. A soy cappuccino, her favorite.

Her mind was slipping back to the role she was trying to learn inside and out with the bare minimum of information, while trying to keep her eyes on her baby girl too, when suddenly…

No. _No_, impossible. Her eyes flicked up, but her neck didn't move, like she was afraid of what she'd see, but couldn't stop herself from looking either. And lo and behold. Her fears were confirmed. She exhaled, feeling furious tears spring to her eyes in an instant.

How? How, in this big, bustling city, had Quinn Fabray found her? Just walking her dog in the park, breezily, without a care in the world. Rachel's eyes flicked over to her daughter, who was still scooping up sand, then back to Quinn. She was frozen to the bench, silent, a lump forming in her throat. She hadn't seen that face in years, only when she looked at her little girl and saw the pretty shape of her eyes, or the absurd size of her smile— the two girls, both Elizabeth and Quinn, always looked like the happiest creatures on earth when they smiled because of the sheer size of their grins. Once upon a time, Rachel had adored it when she and Quinn actually shared smiles like that.

She swallowed hard, mind suddenly clicking into place. Rachel shook her head, standing and walking away from Quinn quickly to scoop up her daughter. _Her_ daughter, not Quinn's.

"Mommy?" the girl squeaked as she was unceremoniously hoisted up and balanced on Rachel's hip.

"It's okay baby, it's just time to go home." she said, holding the girl close, with her bag of endless supplies hanging off the other aching shoulder. She looked at Quinn unable to think or feel anything that made any sense. Her insides were a storm. "What are you…" she swallowed hard, deciding she didn't want to hear anything Quinn had to say. "I'm sorry, we have to go." she said, taking a few steps back to put some distance between herself and the girl she had once been wildly in love with, but the steps were noncommittal, feeble attempts to make herself go when she really wanted to stay and scream and demand answers with her tearful eyes.

* * *

Quinn watched, almost mesmerized as Rachel picked up a little girl. _Her _little girl. _Their_ little girl. A little girl that looked so much like the both of them that there would never be mistaking that she was anybody's but theirs. She felt tears building in her eyes and she tried to blink them back, refusing to be bawling the first time she met her daughter.

Although based on the way Rachel seemed to be trying to flee, she may not get the chance to meet her daughter at all. Every part of her mind was screaming at Quinn to go after Rachel, to not let her get away again, but her body wouldn't move. She was still frozen in place, her muscles refusing to move her either based on fear or excitement, she wasn't sure which. Then when the little girl's eyes locked with hers she finally found her voice.

"Wait, Rachel!" she practically shouted, taking a few steps forward, a cautious hand out in Rachel's direction, "I...I..." Quinn licked her lips and shifted nervously, her eyes bouncing between Rachel and the girl in her arms. Three years. She had rehearsed this moment in her mind for three years and now she had nothing to say. All the speeches and pleas for forgiveness she had memorized flew out of her head and she was speechless. Because Rachel Berry, just as amazing and beautiful as the last time she saw her, was standing just a few feet away from her with their daughter in her arms. Their beautiful, perfect amazing daughter.

Quinn continued to stare, some kind of vague sound issuing from her throat before she took another step closer, ignoring the way Dolly was tugging on her leash. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest, her throat closing up and beads of sweat were pricking her skin. "Rachel," she said in a hoarse whisper, "I...she's...hi."

* * *

Rachel could remember with perfect clarity the last time she had seen Quinn looking this anxious. She hated herself, utterly _despised_ herself for the way she still wanted to make it better for Quinn. Quinn, the girl who had left Rachel to deal with a child, forced her to choose between chasing her dreams and bringing life into the world.

"Quinn," she said, her voice softer but almost apologetic, still cradling her baby girl closer. Her name felt so foreign on her tongue.

Rachel could feel the grit of sand against her skin as a pudgy hand pushed at her to try to twist around and look at Quinn, even while Rachel tried to hold her close, safe, away. "Yeah." she answered, her heart racing. "I…" she licked her lips. They suddenly felt too dry for her to even speak. "I kept her." she shrugged with one shoulder. She didn't know how much Quinn knew. They hadn't spoken for three years; how was she supposed to know who Quinn had spoken to and what they had told her.

Quinn took a step forward, and Rachel took one back, tears hot and heavy, threatening to fall. She shook her head again, silently pleading with Quinn to keep her distance. Three years, and she was still heartbroken. Still afraid to even be near Quinn. "She's called Elizabeth. Elizabeth Berry." at her name, the small girl turned, looking with big, wide eyes at her other mom. Rachel had been careful to never tell Elizabeth about Quinn. Every picture she had of the two of them, all those smiles, stayed locked away out of the toddler's reach. Elizabeth blinked owlishly at Quinn. She had never seen her before. "Elizabeth, this is…" who? Who the hell was Quinn to Elizabeth anyway? She was nobody. "This is Quinn." she said. She knew it was cold, introducing this little girl to the person who helped create her as just… Quinn. But what else could she say? Quinn wasn't a parent. She was a coward who abandoned her responsibility when Rachel needed her. She didn't deserve to be anything more to Elizabeth. "Quinn, what are you doing here?" she asked, hardly able to believe that fate had dealt her such a cruel hand.

* * *

Quinn's instant reaction was to move closer to them but the look on Rachel's face told her to stay put. She knew that look. It was the same look she gave her when Quinn said she couldn't do this. She couldn't do _them_. So instead she scratched nervously at her scalp, causing her hair to stick up unattractively.

"Elizabeth," Quinn whispered almost reverently. God, why did everything hurt so much? She thought that finally seeing Rachel again and seeing the baby would be...she thought she'd finally be happy. But everything hurt. The way Rachel held the girl close like she was afraid what Quinn would do. How the girl looked at her with no ounce of recognition at all...that probably hurt the most. Although she expected and deserved as much. Rachel introducing her to her daughter as no more than 'Quinn' just stuck the knife in further.

"I'm- dog," Quinn answered, motioning lamely with the leash. Now she couldn't even talk? Great. "I'm walking my dog." She shrugged and looked away briefly before her eyes snapped back to Rachel, afraid she had disappeared in the two seconds her gaze was somewhere else. She wished she had something more to say...she _knew _she had more to say but...how? How do you bring up and apologize for the three years of pain? How do you explain to a person that you haven't seen or spoken to in three years that you regret your decision every single day of your life?

"I'm sorry," she said pathetically. Well, at least that was a start.

* * *

Rachel swallowed down a scream, anger biting at her, taunting her, daring her to tell Quinn exactly what she though. As calmly as she could, she opened her mouth to speak again, but emotion had pulled her throat tight. She wiped harshly at a tear that fell traitorously down her cheek. "Sorry?" she echoed in a near whisper. "I was _pregnant_." she hissed accusingly. "I have a baby because of you." the two-and-a-bit year old was weighing her down now, making her arm ache. Combined with the heavy bag on her other shoulder, she reluctantly settled her baby girl on the ground again. "Go play with the sand again, baby, okay?" at Elizabeth's little nod, Rachel's lips quirked into a real smile. "Good girl." she kissed her forehead and watched her toddle off like she was on a mission. Rachel was already awaiting another handful of sand.

With the tiny human busied, Rachel could turn her full attention to Quinn. She had so many questions. "How… How are you doing?" she asked neutrally, but the question itself made her just… ugh, just _furious._ Quinn was obviously fine, with her stupid, adorable hair sticking up, and her stupid, adorable dog lolloping about. "Are you happier?" she asked, her questions coming out before she could censor them. This one came out more clipped. "Better, since you abandoned your family, made _my daughter_ grow up with one parent?" they were cutting now as Rachel lost her temper. Three years of hating Quinn was rising to the surface. "I can't—" just as a lengthy speech was about to tumble out, Elizabeth toddled over with a handful of sand for Rachel to take. It took the wind out of her sails instantly. Every word disappeared, replaced by a cleansing sigh. She didn't want Elizabeth to see her this mad.

Forcing a smile, she held out her hand for Elizabeth to dump the sand into. There was a short silence where Rachel let herself calm down. "She does this every time we come here. I told her I like sand once, so she keeps bringing me more and more of it." Rachel said, watching Elizabeth leave them again. "She's a sweet girl, Quinn. You're an idiot for giving her up." Rachel said, calmer as she watched the innocent creature talking to herself, creating a game in her imagination. Rachel was so proud of how creative she was, but then, every parent was proud of their kid. Elizabeth headed back to them, another handful of sand clutched between her little fingers, but this time, she headed to Quinn instead, holding out the offering for her to take with a big Quinn-like grin. Rachel felt her heart drop. She didn't want Elizabeth to even know of Quinn's existence, let alone actually interact with her. But there she was, looking at her with that cheeky smile that made Rachel melt. She looked at the two of the for a second. How could Quinn have walked away from this? From that little girl, who wanted to be her friend and give her inconvenient gifts in the form of endless handfuls of sand (and really, they _were_ endless.) Quinn had to be heartless.

* * *

Quinn watched Elizabeth waddle towards the san and plop herself into it as she busied herself with the sand. She couldn't help the small smile that stretched almost painfully across her face at the sight, her heart fluttering ever so slightly with happiness. Pure unadultured happiness. But reality hit her in the face when Rachel began asking her questions. Her body seized up like she was expecting a physical blow from the other woman. Although Quinn almost wished Rachel had hauled off and hit her instead. Maybe it would have hurt less.

She watched as Elizabeth dropped the sand into Rachel's awaiting hands, as proud as if she had just brought her a good report card or a trophy. It reminded her of when Rachel had bought her a book she had been looking for for ages. The look of pure love and adoration, proud to be giving the other something they knew they would enjoy. It was obvious to Quinn in that moment that Elizabeth was every bit as pure and loving as Rachel was. Willing to give her whole heart to a person. Quinn didn't deserve either one of them.

"I'm not happy," Quinn said softly as the little girl wandered back into the sand, "I'm miserable actually." Quinn shrugged and rubbed the back of her neck. Being truthful wasn't going to hurt anything at this point. Maybe that's what Rachel wanted, for her to be unhappy. She didn't deserve happiness and didn't expect Rachel to wish her any. "I know, I tell myself that every day," she continued in a quiet whisper, playing with Dolly's leash. The dog yawned, bored by the apparent drama around her and instead choosing to lay on the ground with her black and brown head between big white paws.

With a humorless laugh, she watched as Elizabeth walked straight towards her, the biggest grin lighting up her face. Quinn's heart hurt and soared at the same time, unable to believe that her child was coming to her. She thrust her chubby fist up towards Quinn, sand leaking slowly from between her fingers as she looked gleefully up at the woman she had no idea was her other parent. Letting out a shaky breath, Quinn crouched down in front of Elizabeth so she was closer to her eye level and tried to match her grin. She held out her hand to accept the sand and chuckled lightly when it was deposited into her palm.

"Thanks, baby girl," she said trying to hold back her tears. The little girl just gave her a shy nod before hurrying off into the sand again. Quinn remained motionless, still crouching and staring at the sand in her hand. Emotions choked in her throat and she tried to swallow them down, only bringing more tears to her eyes. "I'm so sorry," she said with a choked sob. The sand was leaking out of her fingers and she held another hand under it to try and catch it, not wanting to loose any bit of the gift her daughter had given her. Sure it was just sand but...Elizabeth had given it to her. She sniffled a little, a fat tear falling from her cheek and landing into the sand and causing a dark blemish to appear in the light brown grains.

Quinn shook her head and wiped her tears away with her free hand before standing back up and facing Rachel, sand still in her hand. "I want to fix it. W-well, I know I can't fix it or make up for what I d-did but...I want...can I...try?" Quinn asked hesitantly. She couldn't let either of them go now. She had let go once and she hated herself everyday for it. Now she was given a second chance and she couldn't let it go.

* * *

Rachel set her jaw tensely. Quinn had no right to feel like this. She had no right to cry, crouched on the floor and clutching at the sand like it was the most precious thing in the world. It was about three years too late. Three years ago, she could have held Rachel like she was the most precious thing in the world, and two years and a few months ago, she could have held Elizabeth like that. But she was reduced to sand, and it was her own decision. She decided to leave them, even when Rachel had begged, completely alone with a baby and no job. Quinn just selfishly left her to deal with it with no thought given to how she might cope and what quality of life their baby might have with a young, single parent who was qualified to do nothing but act.

"Pull yourself together." she said harshly, closing the space between them to hurriedly pull Quinn back up to her feet. It might have seemed cold to Quinn, but then Quinn wouldn't understand. Rachel couldn't have Elizabeth seeing her like this. She wasn't even three years old yet. "You can't be like this in front of her, she doesn't deserve it." Rachel said in a hushed breath. Elizabeth was too young to fully understand what they were talking about, especially when she was only hearing bits and pieces between her sand journeys, but she understood expressions and voices well enough. "Quinn this isn't fair." she said, taking the woman's wrist to sweep off the thin layer of remaining sand like she usually did to Elizabeth. It was a thoughtless gesture, subconsciously trying to clean Quinn up and pull her together again in time for Elizabeth to return. "You can't do this, you have to be a grown up around her." she said seriously, all malice lost from her voice and replaced by loving protection for her little girl. "She's too little to be dragged into this, she doesn't even know who you are. So you can't be sad right now, you have to suck it up, smile, and act like the next fifty handfuls of sand are the best things you've ever gotten."

Just as she finished briefing the old love of her life on how to behave, Elizabeth came trotting back. This time, she headed for neither of them, her and her sandy little fist headed for Quinn's dog. Oh god no. "Sweetie! Elizabeth, no no—" too late, the giggling girl has stroked it into the dog's fur. Rachel sighed. "Elizabeth, I've told you about that! Doggies don't like sand." she looked up at Quinn, dragging the toddler away from the dog. "I'm so sorry. She's just…" Rachel didn't even know. "She loves sand." she shrugged helplessly.

It was so difficult to have a real conversation with a toddler scampering about. Dating was practically impossible. She had dated guys in their thirties, divorced with kids already, like they might be easier. No. She had dated women her own age, no kids. No. Hell, she had even dated a nanny, and that still didn't work out. "Baby girl, I need to talk to Quinn, okay? Go play for one more minute. Don't put any sand on any dog." She considered telling the girl that she was buying ice cream after, but that would make her come rushing back within seconds. She decided to leave that as a surprise.

Her attention turned back to Quinn, her expression serious again. "You can't try." she said bluntly. "You don't get to _try_ to be a parent. You can't just see if you like it and walk away if you don't. And I don't know that you're not going to do that." she said, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. It felt weird to be talking to Quinn like this, like she didn't trust her, like she wasn't a part of something Rachel loved with her whole heart. But Rachel had changed, she didn't get to prioritize her thoughts and feelings anymore, she had to put Elizabeth's well-being before anything else in the world. "I can't give her a new mom to fall in love with, only to have you leave her again. She deserves more than that. I'm sorry, Quinn." she shrugged a shoulder, effectively shutting the girl down. She didn't expect Quinn to fight her decision. Honestly, she didn't think Quinn truly cared that much at all.

* * *

Quinn reeled a little from Rachel yanking her off the ground but just nodded, effectively chastised as she wiped the rest of the tears from her face. Shame heated her face at the blubbering mess she had become in front of Rachel and Elizabeth. The other woman was right. She couldn't just...break down like that she had to stay strong. She thought of all the years she had kept her emotions hidden because her father had always told her an emotional person was a weak person. Showing any sort of emotion was showing weakness. And Fabrays were not weak. Then Rachel came into her life and effectively broke down all of Quinn's bad habits. Miss Rachel-Never-Hold-Anything-Back turned Quinn into the kind of person her father hated. Expressive, open and a downright sap. Especially where Rachel was involved. She found it kind of ironic that the girl..._woman _who always got after her for being in her own head was telling her to keep her emotions in check. But it was for a different reason now. It was for their daughter.

Quinn couldn't help the loud thumping of her heart when Rachel held her wrist, wiping the sand from her hand. Shivering slightly at her touch, Quinn dropped Dolly's leash and scratched nervously at her scalp again, only causing her hair to stand up worse. But those were were things she couldn't be bothered with now because Rachel was here, holding her wrist, and their daughter had brought her sand.

Elizabeth toddled over to Dolly who raised her head curiously at the approaching girl, only to have sand patted into her fur. The dog just looked up at Quinn, the sand falling off of her head, probably trying to figure out what to make of the small girl. Quinn laughed genuinely and shook her head, "It's okay. Dolly's suffered much worse. Santana had to dogsit her for a whole weak once." She shrugged as if that was as much explanation as Rachel needed. Which, really, it should be.

Every word out of Rachel's mouth was like a bullet to the chest and she had blink away more tears. She knew she deserved this but still...it hurt. She swallowed thickly and shook her head, trapping Rachel's hand between hers and holding on firmly as if trying to transfer everything she couldn't say through their touch. The years of regret and self hatred, wishing it was all a dream so she could go back and change everything she had done. "Rachel, I'm not going to leave again. Trust me, I know she deserves more. Both of you do. You both deserve the world b-but I can't give you that. But I love y-" Quinn bit her lip, effectively stopping any sort of love confession for Rachel that was about to tumble from her mouth. Now wasn't the time. She didn't think there'd ever be a time. "I love her. I've loved her from the moment you said you were pregnant and every day since. I k-know you don't believe me but it's true. I could never _ever _leave you guys again. After three years of looking for you I can't just let you go again. I-"

Quinn took a deep breath and glanced down, only then noticing that Dolly was no longer at her feet. Panic went through her and her head whipped up to look around, relief flooding her body when she saw the familiar shape over in the sand with Elizabeth. The big dog was laying patiently next to her, head between her paws again. Small piles of sand dotted the black fur of her back and Quinn chuckled lightly as Elizabeth seemed to be carrying on a conversation with Dolly who just lay there as the little girl placed another pile on the top of the dog's head carefully.

Turning back to Rachel, Quinn lowered her voice and swallowed back her emotions. "I promise, with my whole heart, that I will never ever leave again. I couldn't. Especially not after seeing her, it would kill me," Quinn shrugged matter of factly and looked into Rachel's eyes, silently pleading with her to believe her.

* * *

Rachel's nerves crept up as she felt her hand trapped in Quinn's. That wasn't the plan. She was just dusting her off, and Quinn was holding her there. Words tipped from Quinn's lips, too emotional, her eyes pleading, and for a minute, Rachel almost let herself soften enough to believe Quinn. But then that almost-confession slapped her in the face and threw her back to reality. She yanked her hand out of Quinn's, defenses rising. "Don't." she hissed. "You do _not_ get to say that to me." she said with hard eyes. The almost-confession, the complete _lie_ it would have been, catapulted Rachel back to reality, reminding her why she didn't trust Quinn anymore. Remember, she got Rachel pregnant and went on with her own life, without a second thought? Remember that? Oh yeah.

Rachel had never anticipated how difficult the pregnancy part would be. She was terrified of having a baby, scared of what it would mean on a day-to-day basis, but she never realized how hard it was to be waddling New York City alone. Things like grocery shopping became nearly impossible. The week when the elevator in her building broke was the worst of her life. And as it turns out, taxi drivers are less inclined to pick up pregnant women than they are to pick up young, attractive girls. Rachel had never felt so miserable than she did for those nine months. Glow of pregnancy? Please. She felt fat and ugly and lonely and scared and she _hated_ Quinn.

At the same time, hers and Quinn's eyes both drifted over to the little girl they had made together in one night of making love, before the pregnancy, before everything went wrong. That night of pure ecstasy with words of love whispered and believed, skin gliding against each others, half-lidded eyes meeting in the dim light of the bedroom they shared. That was the last time she had slept with Quinn. The next time she slept with anyone was after Elizabeth was born. She was too insecure to enjoy it, ended up faking it because she couldn't relax enough to lose control in front of someone like that.

Rachel wondered how many girls Quinn had slept with since.

She felt Quinn's eyes on her again and turned, looking away from the sandy dog to meet those shiny eyes. Rachel felt exhausted. "Look, Quinn, you can't just come into her life like this." she tried to reason with the other woman. It was hard, always having to be so grown up, rational, level-headed when she felt like she was falling apart at the seams so often. Especially now, with Quinn looking at her the same way Elizabeth did when she wanted something. It wasn't fair of Quinn to ask this of her.

For a second, she wished she had another Quinn, one who would protectively wrap an arm around her and tell this Quinn to back off. She wanted her old Quinn. But she had no one, and Quinn's sad eyes were wearing her down. She began to buckle. "I was going to take her to get some ice cream." Rachel said quietly, looking down at her pretty blue Mary Jane heels. Even in them, she wasn't quite as tall as Quinn. "You can come with us, if you want. As a friend. Not her mom." Rachel said sternly, looking up at Quinn with serious eyes, even if they were exhausted too.

She called for Elizabeth, and the little girl came running over, with Quinn's dog trotting right behind. "Do you want to go get some ice cream with Quinn?" she asked with a big smile that her daughter matched. Elizabeth, to Rachel's utter devastation, looked over to Quinn with a loud "YESSSS" and grabbed onto her hand. Still crouched down, Rachel sighed, her lips making a small line as she looked down and tried to calm herself down. It was already proving to be a mistake. "Okay, let's go."

They had to walk slowly, because Elizabeth wasn't the best at walking without falling, and at some heartbreaking point, the little girl took hold of Rachel's hand too and made them look like a real family, all holding hands. Rachel adamantly refused to look at Quinn throughout, but at least it made Elizabeth less inclined to topple over with the support of two adults. Rachel tried not to think of the irony.

They reached a small parlor in the park with a seating area outside and Rachel looked at the two girls, debating her options. She considered sending Quinn in there with Elizabeth, while Rachel sat with the dog, because she supposed it might be nice for Quinn. But she couldn't make herself make the offer. She didn't even know this Quinn anymore, she would be effectively sending her little girl away with a stranger. "Why don't you wait out here with the dog, I'll go get us all something. What do you want?" she asked, holding Elizabeth's hand safely.


	5. Of All the Parks in All the World, pt2

AN:I just wanted to thank people for the great response so far! I'm glad you like it. And for people who found this after following this rp on tumblr, I will wrap it up in the end. I haven't decided whether I'm going to just do a one chapter wrap up or whether I'm going to do a few chapters without the back and forth. Anyways, thanks! Enjoy.

Of All The Parks in All the World, part 2

Quinn recoiled when Rachel pulled her hand away, "I didn't mean- It just came out-...I'm sorry. That was out of line. I'll...keep things to myself." Quinn marveled at her own ability to sabotage herself. She had sabotaged herself all through high school by her inability to accept herself and open up, she sabotaged herself in college when she left Rachel and the baby, and now she was sabotaging herself yet again by letting her emotions get the better of her.

Desperation was growing in her chest when she realized that Rachel walking out of her life forever was a very real possibility right now. She wanted to drop to her knees and beg Rachel to let her have another chance, just one more chance to prove that she could do this. "Rach, please, I promise that I can do this. If doesn't have to be all of a sudden, it can be gradual," she said unable to keep the pleading from her voice. Her eyes were wide and she was sure she had the most pathetic face on right now but she didn't care.

She nodded enthusiastically before Rachel even finished her offer to let her go for ice cream with them. She couldn't help but notice how tired Rachel looked and her heart sank. Rachel was in her twenties and completely exhausted because of her. If she had stayed with them maybe Rachel's eyes wouldn't be as tired and she would still have that carefree look that Quinn fell in love with. Before when she looked into her eyes she would see happiness and adoration shining back at her. Now all she saw was disappointment and anger, reminding her too much of her father. "I know," Quinn said with a nod, "I didn't expect to just walk back into her life as her mother. That wouldn't be fair to her. I just...thank you."

When Elizabeth reached over and took Quinn's hand she almost cried. She really wanted to cry but she kept her tears under control, remembering Rachel's words from earlier. Smiling widely, she swung her hand lightly, delighted by the giggles that fell from Elizabeth's mouth. How could she have ever walked away from this? Sure Elizabeth was a shapeless mass growing in Rachel's stomach at the time but look at her. She was the most beautiful little girl in the world and Quinn walked away like she didn't matter. Swallowing back her emotions, she began to walk down the path with Rachel and Elizabeth, checking behind her once and a while to make sure Dolly was following them and didn't get distracted by a squirrel.

"You excited for ice cream?" Quinn asked the little girl. She nodded and hopped in enthusiasm, tripping a little on her own little feet causing Quinn's heart to jolt. She moved to catch her daughter but the girl caught herself by grabbing Rachel's hand, causing Quinn's heart to jolt for another reason entirely. She looked over to Rachel who looked like she was trying her hardest not to look back at her which was fine because Elizabeth was looking up at her with wide eyes. She smiled down at the girl who smiled back before skipping along. Quinn's heart felt heavy when she realized that she could have had this every single day. She could have had Rachel and Elizabeth, walking through the park hand and hand...a family.

Instead she gave it up to live alone. Miserable. She had tried dating but she only found herself comparing the girls to Rachel. Their smile wasn't wide enough, their eyes didn't shine, their laugh was too loud. All stupid little nit picky things that Quinn used as an excuse except for the real reason. They weren't Rachel. Her life consisted of going to work, reading over novels that other people had written and watching mediocre work get published before she went home and tried to write herself. All works of lost love and weak, miserable people who couldn't find happiness. Projecting had always been her thing. Writing was really her only way of trying to get some of her emotions out along with photography. It was mostly a hobby but her boss had seen some of her pictures so now he paid her to take pictures for the books they published. It wasn't a bad deal. The busier she kept the less she though about Rachel and the less time she spent hating herself.

When they approached the parlor, Quinn could practically feel Elizabeth vibrating in excitement. That was something she got from Rachel. The inability to contain her excitement was always something Quinn loved about Rachel. Quinn was more than a little disappointed when Rachel suggested she stayed outside, but considering she was lucky enough that Rachel let her come with them in the first place she stayed quiet. "Um, whatever Elizabeth's getting," Quinn said still holding onto the little girl's hand, wanted to hold on as long as she could. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a crinkled ten dollar bill, handing it to Rachel. "Here, I'm buying," Quinn said with a small smile, a feeble attempt at peace making.

* * *

Rachel hesitated when Quinn decided she wanted whatever Elizabeth was getting. Elizabeth's choices in ice cream were never good, but she was as stubborn as Rachel was, and often Rachel tired quicker and gave in, just let her have the ice cream of her choice. The time she tried bubblegum and coffee together, only about two weeks ago, was a bad night, and a stupid move on Rachel's part. What kind of parent says yes to that anyway? Rachel had stayed up all night with a very sick, very tearful little girl cuddled into her. She had fallen asleep on a miniature chair with Elizabeth cradled to her chest. Sure, Rachel had to shower off the smell of bubblegum coffee vomit the next morning, and her back was agony, but her baby needed her mommy, and who needs rest anyway?

On nights like that, when tearful eyes would look at her like she was the only person in the whole world who could make it feel better— the same as the nights with bad dreams or days of cuts and bruises in the park— Rachel could think of nothing she wanted more than to be there with her little girl. Not even singing on a Broadway stage with Barbra herself.

"Quinn, she has really awful taste." Rachel said with a soft laugh, looking down at the stubborn child. "The other week she made herself sick with the flavors she chose. I had to stay up with her all night." she smoothed down some of Elizabeth's wild hair with a fond smile. "You'll regret getting what she gets." Rachel giggled, dragging Elizabeth away. But Elizabeth was still looking wide-eyed at Quinn. A part of Rachel panicked that she could tell, but no, no way. It was _not_ possible. Most little girls adored beautiful faces like Quinn's, that's all. She just looked like a princess. Elizabeth loved princesses.

"She'll still be here when we get back. She's just looking after her dog." she sent Quinn a small, reassuring smile despite everything. Quinn might have felt like Rachel wasn't trusting her— and she'd be right in a way, because Rachel truly didn't, not in any crucial way— but she was trusting her a little bit. Enough to tell her baby girl that the woman would still be there when they came back, and enough to trust her not to bolt. God, she hoped Quinn didn't run again. But Rachel couldn't let herself think about that. Couldn't acknowledge any kind of residual feelings or attachments.

The tiny family of two wandered in with Quinn's ten dollars in hand after thanking her for buying, and picked out their orders. Two bubblegum jellybean scoops (when would Rachel learn?) and "very vegan vanilla" (their only vegan option) with rainbow sprinkles. They returned to Quinn, and Rachel held out the jellybean bubblegum scoop with an amused smile and a raised eyebrow. "Enjoy." she said as her ex-girlfriend took the bright blue dessert dotted with rainbow colored sweets.

It wasn't so bad, actually. Quinn wasn't as evil as Rachel remembered her. She guessed she had made a lot of bad stuff up while her resentment brewed. But Quinn was still Quinn. Nervous, unsure Quinn who still needed guidance and reassurance. Especially when it came to Elizabeth, apparently. In any other situation, the bigger of the brunettes would have found it endearing.

Rachel decided to help Quinn out a little bit, start a conversation to ease both their nerves. Something neutral. "So… what have you been doing in New York, Quinn?" she asked, licking at her ice cream. There had been a time forever ago when this was the kind of thing Rachel would do just to tease Quinn. That was almost laughable now. Rachel couldn't remember the last time she'd felt even the remotest bit attractive. It was more than just a physical thing, she had learned. Sometimes she thought she actually looked quite nice. …But she was a mom. A young, single mom. And then she didn't feel quite as pretty. Who knew it could all be so psychological anyway? Rachel didn't know that pretty was a state of mind until she couldn't find it anymore.

But that wasn't important right now. What mattered was the first real conversation between them in about three years.

* * *

"I'll be right here," Quinn said making a show of pointing at a bench across from the shop before plopping down on it, her bangs falling in her face. She blew them out of the way and smiled at the little girl who was still looking at her brightly, "Plus, do you think I'd leave without letting Dolly say goodbye?"

In truth, Quinn never wanted to say goodbye to the little girl. Fear lingered in her belly that Rachel would turn around and never let Quinn back into their lives. She wasn't sure if she could handle that kind of blow. Actually she knew she couldn't. To stand and watch as her daughter and the woman she was still convinced was the love of her life walked out of her life would surely kill her.

She watched as Rachel and Elizabeth wandered into the ice cream parlor, wiping her sweaty hands off on jeans and picking at her cuticles nervously. She wondered what would happen when their little ice cream adventure was over. Maybe they could meet up in the park once a day. No...that was probably too demanding...once a week? Quinn wasn't sure she could go that long without seeing Elizabeth again. Plus that was too much time for Rachel to change her mind. Maybe every other day...that wouldn't be too demanding. Before she had more time to think, Rachel and Elizabeth were back and she was being handed something that looked like a unicorn had thrown it up.

"This looks like something straight from Willy Wonka's factory," Quinn chuckled as Elizabeth hoisted herself on the bench next to her, Rachel on the other side. She looked at the enthusiasm in which Elizabeth was eating the cone and decided to dive in. At first she frowned but then she nodded in appreciation. She looked down at Elizabeth and instinctively pushed some hair from her face, "Don't listen to your mother, baby girl, you have excellent taste." She gave Rachel a teasing smile as she took another enthusiastic lick of the cone. The familiarity and comfort of the moment scared Quinn and excited her at the same time. For a moment it felt like that these past three years didn't exist and Quinn never left. But just one more careful look at Rachel's face erased that fantasy. She still hated Quinn.

"I've been working at a publishing house," Quinn said with a noncommittal shrug, "Writing a little, taking pictures. I'm trying to get one of my manuscripts published now but the editor hasn't gotten back to me-" She planned to elaborate but her eyes were glued to Rachel's tongue moving over the ice cream as she absently licked at her own. The things that tongue could do...just the memory alone almost made her release a higher than PG rated sound. Her mind was flooded with the memories that she kept stashed away for those horrible nights that her sexual frustration was almost too much to handle. Memories of Rachel kissing her...touching her...big brown eyes looking up at her innocently as Rachel silently asked for approval when she sucked her. Quinn was pulled quickly from her thoughts when she saw Rachel blinking at her. Had she asked a question? God she completely missed it. Her face heated up in embarrassment and arousal and she pulled at her collar awkwardly. She was already sucking at being a mother. Getting hot with her daughter sitting next to her? What kind of parent did that?

Clearing her throat, Quinn looked down briefly before taking another bite of ice cream. "W-what about you? Have you been...well?" Quinn asked gently, hoping she hadn't walked into a trap with that one. That wasn't neutral, that was Quinn asking to be yelled at. "Are you seeing anyone?" Once again Quinn mentally face palmed, her cheeks only growing brighter.

* * *

For a moment, with Quinn teasingly smiling up at her and telling her daughter not to listen to her, Rachel could have let go. She so almost could have let go of the last three years, and just bent down to kiss Elizabeth and then leaned over to kiss Quinn too, square on the lips, with their daughter squished between them. Because it was all so easy, once Quinn was there. It was cliche to think so, but she felt full again— and she never even understood what that nonsense meant until then. Obviously, whoever said it first was a single mother who missed their beloved terribly.

Not that Quinn was her beloved. Because she wasn't, and it wasn't as easy as just forgetting. She had more to consider than whether or not she could forgive Quinn. It became about trust and whether Quinn was equipped to be in Elizabeth's life for more than a few hours at the park. As evidenced by what took place three years ago, Quinn wasn't the strongest of people, and parents don't get to be weak, Rachel had learned. Sure, this was all very fun now, and Quinn was great at eating ice cream and making fun of Rachel with their giggly little girl, but their days weren't usually like this. Would Quinn be around for the bad dreams, and the horrifying trips to the hospital when they discovered something she was allergic to, or the tantrums in supermarkets, and the wandering off and talking to strangers, and the CDs jammed into the DVD player, ten at a time? Things that required long nights fueled by nothing but love, because that's the only kind of energy left. Or the strength to yell at a tearful child even though no one ever wants to do that. Smiling and giggling even when you're terrified for your baby's safety, because you don't get to be scared when your child looks to you for reassurance. Was Quinn strong enough to take on those things? Rachel seriously doubted it.

So she couldn't let herself fall into this fantasy world where everything was okay, and by the time Quinn looked up at her again, her expression had gone from soft and adoring while she watched the two of them, to defensive once again.

Thankfully, they started talking about what Quinn had been doing in New York. Rachel listened with just a flicker of a smile. Even if Quinn's life didn't involve her anymore, it was still kind of nice to hear Quinn talking about it. "What's your book about?" she asked, watching intently as Quinn's eyes dropped to her mouth. Rachel wondered, while her traitorous heart skipped a few beats, if Quinn knew that she was staring. Staring at Rachel's tongue. Not very subtly. She didn't even register that Rachel had asked a question.

Her ridiculous self esteem decided that now was a good time to come back in full force, chancing a flirty little smile at Quinn, which was stupid, and like she was asking to get hurt again. But she couldn't help that she liked Quinn's eyes on her mouth. The girl really did blank on her question completely, and asked a few questions of her own instead, as if Rachel had said nothing at all. Funny as it was, those questions weren't exactly easy to answer.

"Um." she started, going back to her ice cream. "We've been good." she answered cautiously. "I'm trying to fit auditions between work and taking care of Elizabeth, but… I haven't been on any stages yet." she said with a hint of shame. Rachel was sure she would have won her first Tony by 25. She hadn't even performed since leaving college. Her big brown eyes looked down to Elizabeth, like she needed proof that not being on stage was worth it. "Sweetheart, you have blue in your eyebrow." she said, grabbing a napkin to wipe it away, suddenly with a grin again. Of course it was worth it. She looked back to Quinn again. "I'm just waitressing at the moment, but there's an opening at Elizabeth's playgroup, so I'm hoping I'll get that and be able to quit the restaurant." Rachel's cheeks were a soft pink now. She shouldn't be embarrassed of her life, she knew that, because she and Elizabeth were doing just fine. But all the promises she had made, all the glee club speeches. She was supposed to be a star. And look at her. A waitress with a baby and no partner. "Elizabeth's doing well." she redirected the attention from herself (which was a first.) "She got to take Mrs. Moose home for her amazing finger painting, didn't you baby?" she looked proudly at her little artist, then remembered that Quinn didn't know the story of Mrs. Moose. Why would she? "Mrs. Moose is a stuffed moose in her class. Once a week, the teacher picks a kid who did well to take home Mrs. Moose. I was so proud of her." Rachel beamed at Quinn.

One more question left to answer. She didn't quite know how to answer it, which is why she didn't get that one out of the way first. She considered lying, just so she didn't seem quite as pathetic. But then she would feel pathetic even if she didn't look it. Who lies to an ex about who they're dating? Desperate people. Rachel couldn't make herself do it.

"And um. No, I'm not seeing anyone. I… had a date about two weeks ago, but that was the night Tiny Berry was sick all night, so I blew him off and just never really called him again." she shrugged matter-of-factly. "Honestly, dating isn't a big part of my life right now." she didn't know if it made her sound more pitiful or more grown up, but it was the truth. There was a small silence that followed. Rachel didn't want to ask her the same thing in return because if Quinn was seeing someone, she didn't want to know about it. She'd rather live in blissful ignorance. The only thing she could think to ask was "…Why do you ask?"

* * *

Nervous fingers had begun to work nervously at the wrapper of her ice cream cone, tearing little bits off paper off and letting them fall in an unceremonious pile in Quinn's lap. She didn't think it was possible but Quinn flushed even deeper when Rachel smiled at her. That same flirty little smile she would use every time she caught her doing exactly what she was just doing. Staring. Or really any time she was messing with her like that one time they were out at dinner with some of Quinn's Yale friends and Rachel decided it was a good time to get Quinn rilled up by basically feeling her up under the table. Yeah. That was an interesting meal.

Quinn listened to Rachel, guilt ebbing away at her that Rachel hadn't made it yet. This was Rachel Berry, did the world not realize that yet? She should have a Tony and have offers piling up at her door. It was a crime that people weren't knocking down her door to get her to be in their show. Maybe this was just reality and this was how it would have been no matter what. Sure Rachel was the most talented person in New York right now (in Quinn's unbiased opinion) but breaking into Broadway is hard. Either way Quinn felt like it was her fault and couldn't get rid of the feeling that if she hadn't left, Rachel would be big.

She could imagine taking Elizabeth to see Rachel's opening show, front and center, and then going backstage after, with Elizabeth holding a bouquet that was bigger than her to hand to Rachel. Quinn would smile on adoringly as Elizabeth talked to Rachel about her favorite songs and afterwards Rachel would look up at Quinn with a look that said 'look what we did'. Then Quinn would wrap Rachel in her arms and kiss her sweetly, murmuring 'I love you's against her lips.

A smile spread across her face as Rachel talked about Elizabeth taking home a moose with the same pride she saw in her face whenever she nailed a song. Elizabeth just nodded, with the same proud smile and looked up at Quinn. "Wow, that's quite impressive, Elizabeth," Quinn said tapping the little girl's nose lightly, "I'd love to see your picture sometime." Elizabeth's smile got even wider and she nodded with a new enthusiasm. Quinn's heart swelled a little and her eyes darted to the still growing pile of ripped paper on her lap before she looked back up at Rachel.

"I mean...I don't know," Quinn said quietly, fingers working with a new vigor, "I was just wondering. Curious." She shrugged and searched for something else to say that didn't involve anything heavy. But with her and Rachel, everything was heavy. She didn't know why she asked if Rachel was seeing anyone. Morbid curiosity she supposed. A small thrill of happiness went through Quinn when Rachel said she wasn't seeing anyone but she tried to quell it down. It wasn't right for her to be happy that the woman she left three years ago wasn't seeing anyone. It was selfish and even though Rachel was single the chances of her wanting to get back with Quinn were little to none for obvious reason. Quinn realized she may not be able to get Rachel back, but she wasn't going to give up on Elizabeth.

"You know, if you ever have an audition or a um," Quinn swallowed down her pride, "a date or anything really I could take care of Elizabeth. Just call me. Anytime. Seriously. Even if it's three o'clock in the morning." Quinn nodded and began to crunch into her cone. Baby steps. She was taking baby steps. "Have you put Elizabeth in any kind of classes? Or is it just day care?" Quinn asked wondering if Rachel had attempted to turn their daughter into a mini Rachel yet. She wouldn't mind. Looking at Elizabeth again, the little girl was kicking her feet, tapping them lightly on Dolly's back who had spread out in front of all three of them. The dog rolled onto it's back, taking advantage of the situation. "Because this little girl looks like a dancer," Quinn said bending down to look at Elizabeth's face, "Aren't you a dancer, little girl? The next Shirley Temple I think." She winked at Rachel playfully as Elizabeth giggled before she wiped at some of the ice cream that had dripped down the cone and onto Elizabeth's hand.

* * *

Rachel watched Quinn uncertainly as she stammered through an awkward proposal to babysit Elizabeth just in case Rachel had a 3AM date, or something like that. Quinn could be confusing so much of the time, but in a sort of endearing way. The kind of way that made Rachel tip her head to the side and quirk her lips into a little smile. "Quinn, I'm not busy at 3AM." she chuckled quietly. "And I'm really not interested in a relationship, at all, so no dates. It's just Elizabeth and me. We're pretty happy with our tiny family, aren't we, my little jellybean?" she grinned tapping a finger to her nose the same way Quinn had just a second ago. The little girl was oblivious to the conversation going on though, only really concerned with a dog apparently named Dolly. Rachel wondered if that was significant. Hello Dolly was one of Rachel's favorite Barbra movies.

She looked back to Quinn, her smile small and unsure. "Also, even if I did get busy at 3AM for some reason, I don't have your number." she shrugged one shoulder, leaving that ball in Quinn's court. Rachel resented her, sure. She did. But she wouldn't turn down her number, if it was going out. Because for all the things she hated about Quinn, she couldn't regret the end product. Elizabeth. Rachel figured that break ups happened, people fall into less than ideal situations, and plans change. Those were things she could live with willingly when they ended so beautifully. She hated what Quinn did, but… maybe she just needed to accept that they weren't soul mates after all, and what happened was inevitable. That maybe there was someone else for Quinn, and they just needed to find each other first for Rachel to have Elizabeth, even if Quinn didn't want her. Life wasn't always perfect, and Rachel began to consider the idea that maybe it wasn't all Quinn's fault. Maybe it was just fate.

Or maybe she was just growing up and letting go of the past. Or maybe Elizabeth really was as magic as Rachel always told her. She didn't know, but for this particular moment, with Quinn nervously plucking at the paper surrounding her ice cream cone, and Elizabeth's little sandals grazing Dolly's fur, Rachel's years of anger, hurt, betrayal began to fade. Just for today, maybe. After all, it's not like Quinn was happy with the decision she made three years ago…

"But, you know, maybe when it's not 3AM, you could have ice cream with us again." that was a dangerous move on her part, she knew it as soon as she said it, but Rachel had always been such a foolish girl around Quinn. She'd probably see sense later on, alone, but for now… How bad could the occasional ice cream cone be?

Well. Maybe quite bad, when Rachel realized that Quinn's playful little wink gave her butterflies. She swallowed hard and looked away, collecting herself. "Elizabeth's in all kinds of classes, actually." Sometimes Rachel actually lost track of all the activities. "She does dance. Good eye. She- she actually has her first ever recital soon. I mean, the oldest dancers are four, so it's not… you know. But it'll be cute. I'm excited. I'm _so_ proud." Rachel was beginning to ramble, and she was just getting to started. Her hands were gesturing expressively, ice cream flourishing. "She loves her book club. The moms and dads take turns to read to the kids each week. I did mine a few weeks ago." Rachel's smile softened as she looked over the bigger version of her daughter. The books. The books _always_ reminded Rachel of Quinn. "She loves being read to. I recorded myself reading stories for her so she could listen to them if I ever had to get a babysitter to watch her while I work." It was the kind of thing Rachel always thought Quinn would do for their baby.

Impulsively, Rachel made a decision, losing sense of logic and letting herself be swept away in the emotional rush of seeing the mother of her child. Her voice dropped to a hushed tone, leaning in so only Quinn would take notice. "Look, I don't want her to know that you're… well, her mom. But I can't exactly hide it from you, so…" she sighed, reaching into her purse. Her icy demeanor had been warmed by their ice creams. Yeah, the irony wasn't lost on her either.

She fumbled with her wallet for a second, sliding out the picture in there. It was a picture of herself and Elizabeth with big kissy faces at the camera on the little girl's second birthday, with both their hands covered in cake, and one of Elizabeth's squished to Rachel's cheek, smearing frosting against her tanned skin. It was a happy picture, one that filled Rachel's heart with love every single time she saw it. "Take this. I have copies, so um. Keep it, if you want a picture of her." Rachel handed the picture over for Quinn to inspect, nervously watching the blonde for any kind of reaction, no matter how tiny.

* * *

Quinn flushed as Rachel pointed out that being busy at three in the morning probably wasn't the most likely of situations. But it was possible. "Well, you could be," Quinn began with a small smile, "what if the perfect part for you comes along and the auditions are all at weird hours in the morning because the producer is one of those really rich eccentric types o-or he has clinophobia and does things at weird times because he never knows what time it is." She nodded, convinced that her idea was plausible. Because it was. People were weird these days.

A multitude of emotions went through Quinn when Rachel said she wasn't interested in a relationship. Part of her that was still holding on to that small hope that maybe..._maybe _her and Rachel could still work out was disappointed. Then the still slightly jealous part of her was happy because that meant that she wouldn't have to deal with some other person coming around Elizabeth and being more of a mother or father then she could be at the moment. But all of her was ashamed she felt any of that. "Rachel, you deserve someone," Quinn said quietly, "You're amazing and beautiful and the best mother a-and you deserve someone who sees that in you. Maybe you just haven't found them yet." _Or maybe that's me._ Quinn took a big bite of her cone to prevent herself from gushing any more than she already did and make an even bigger fool her herself. She was sure her face was the attractive shade of a tomato as a result of her repeatedly putting her foot in her mouth.

"Oh, sh-...crepes, you're right," Quinn said catching herself before she cursed and offering Rachel an apologetic smile. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her wallet, struggling to open it with one hand while the other still had the cone in it. Growling in frustration, she stuck the top in her mouth to hold on to it so both her hands were free to pull a card from her wallet. Turning it around, she pulled a pen from her pocket and jotted down her cell phone number before handing it to Rachel.

" 'da back i' my cell 'da fron' is my office," she mumbled, the cone still in her mouth as she put her pen away. She finally took the cone from her mouth and shrugged a little in embarrassment, "Use it um...whenever." Quinn's heart was practically doing backflips in her chest when Rachel suggested the could get ice cream again and she nodded enthusiastically, her hair flopped in her face but she was too excited to bother pushing it away. "That- yes. I would like that. Please, s-soon," Quinn pushed her hair back, a wide smile still on her face. They were making progress at least.

She listened with interest as Rachel told her about Elizabeth's classes, her own proud smile on her face. Listening and watching Rachel talk about Elizabeth and her accomplishments was pure joy for Quinn. The only other time she had seen her excited and proud like this was whenever she talked about a musical or a song and it had always been Quinn's favorite thing. She wondered if she could push it and ask to come to the recital...maybe. Was that too far? "Oh, recital?" Quinn said cautiously, hoping Rachel would get the hint, "That sounds fun."

Quinn's eyebrows shot into her hairline when Rachel mentioned Elizabeth was in a book club. A _book _club. She swelled with pride and looked down at her little girl. There was no mistaking she was Quinn's if she was in a _book _club. "Maybe I could read you my favorite kids book some time," Quinn said to Elizabeth with excitement, "I usually just read to Dolly but I'm sure you'll be more fun to read to. And I'm a much better babysitter. Just saying." Quinn smiled cheekily at Rachel, her own feet drumming on the ground in enthusiasm. Because Elizabeth liked books.

The drumming stopped when Rachel said she didn't want Elizabeth to know Quinn was her mom. Sure she expected as much but it still hurt to have it confirmed out loud, so to hide the hurt she was sure was in her eyes she looked back at the ice cream cone. She had to stay strong like Rachel said. She couldn't be sad around her little girl. But she knew she was a goner when Rachel brought out that picture. Her eyes were glued to it from the moment she brought it out, her eyes only leaving it to look at Rachel, making sure she was willing to give up this precious treasure. Wiping a shaky hand off on her jeans, she reached for the picture relevantly. She held it by the sides delicately like it would fall apart if she held on too tight. "Thank you," she croaked out bringing the picture closer to her face, trying to pick out every single detail, as she continued to speak without thinking, "It's wonderful. You're wonderful. Both of you." She felt the hot sting of tears prickling her eyes and vowed to never miss another one of Elizabeth's birthdays. Never. Rachel could try to keep her away but she was never missing out on her birthday again. "W-when's her birthday?" Quinn asked shamefully. What kind of mother had to ask when her child's birthday was?

Pulling herself together, she cleared the tears from her throat and placed the picture carefully in her wallet where she knew it wouldn't get messed up. She sniffled a little, trying to bring back her smile when she looked down at Elizabeth who was looking up at her, holding her cone out for Quinn to take. She couldn't even fight the smile off her face when her little girl looked at her like that so she took the cone with a light chuckle. "You done, baby girl? Why don't you give it to Dolly. She'll do a trick for you. Watch," Quinn called the dog who sat up and looked from the cone to Quinn's face, licking her chops expectantly. "If you sing her her song, she'll dance," Quinn said wiggling her fingers at Elizabeth, "I bet you know the song too. It's one of your Mommy's favorites."

She smiled up at Rachel before turning back to the dog and singing softly, moving her arms in a cheesy dance, "Hello, Dolly well hello, Dolly. It's so nice to have you back where you belong. You're looking swell, Dolly. We can tell, Dolly. You're still glowin', you're still crownin', you're still goin' strong." As Quinn sang the dog sat up on it's haunches and clumsily turned in a circle, much to Elizabeth's delight who was clapping and laughing like she had just seen the best thing ever. The little girl's laugh was infectious and Quinn couldn't help but dissolve into laughter with her. She handed the cone back to Elizabeth and helped her give it to dolly who gobbled it up in one bite, licking some of the cone from the toddlers fingers. Elizabeth squealed in delight at the feel of the dog's tongue before Quinn used a napkin to wipe away the extra ice cream and dog spit from the little girl's hand. Quinn smiled up at Rachel sheepishly and shrugged, "I have a lot of time on my hands."

Quinn decided not to bring up the fact that the less than elegant way she even got the dog. For a month straight after Quinn left and realized that Rachel had changed all her information, she just laid on the couch watching Barbra Streisand movies, crying. Finally one day Santana barged into her apartment and deposited the squirming puppy unceremoniously on her chest and told her to get her life together. She had been watching "Hello Dolly" at the time. Hence the name. Rachel didn't need to know that now. Or ever really.

* * *

Listening to Quinn tell her she deserved to be with someone felt like a slap in the face while the blonde simultaneously took a nice big bite out of her pride. Like _"Hey, someone will love you someday, champ. Just not me. But don't give up hope yet, kiddo!"_ Rachel shook her head, biting down on the inside of both lips, feeling more than a little patronized. She could be with someone if she wanted to. It's not like people weren't ever interested, because she got asked out sometimes. She just… She didn't want someone to love all those things about her. She didn't have time for a new relationship, she didn't have the energy for the weeks of flirting, and then the dating, and having to suffer through the romance while they congratulated themselves because they bought flowers— no, that doesn't count as old school romance. And then sex. And then arguments and having to be the bigger person, and having to read minds, and then moving in, and god. She just didn't have the energy. Rachel liked her tiny family of two. And she didn't need Quinn to tell her that one day someone would manage to look past all her flaws and see a few good bits in her.

"I'm just not interested, Quinn." she said firmly, looking up at her with sudden seriousness. "I don't want another relationship. There's nothing a relationship can give me that my hands can't anyway." she muttered bitterly. Oh, it was _so_ inappropriate, but really, that's all Rachel thought of relationships. Just someone to have sex with and maybe share a house with when the two of you aren't working.

Yeah. The great romantic Rachel Berry had really lost sense of what love was all about.

By the time the conversation swung around to the dance recital, Rachel wasn't feeling quite as adoring of Quinn as she had been moments before, when a regular ice cream thing felt like a good idea. She looked at Elizabeth and wondered what this meant for her now Quinn was back on the scene. What would Elizabeth want? Would she resent Rachel in the future for pushing away the chance to have two parents? Rachel sighed, stress balling in her throat. Before she could even give an answer to Quinn's thinly veiled request though, there she was, giving Rachel more reasons not to want her in Elizabeth's life.

Quinn had to make it so hard for her. Had to look at her with that gorgeously cheeky smile that made Rachel's heart flutter the same way it always used to, only now she was talking about babysitting, and Rachel wanted to snap at her because parents don't babysit. Parenting is a 24 hour responsibility, not a few hours on Fridays. But all the same, Quinn looked at her like that, with those sparkly eyes that made Rachel feel girlish and young and like she wanted to take Quinn's hand and go see a movie, share popcorn make out in the back row.

She was completely torn between hating Quinn, and loving her, and trying to protect Elizabeth from a flaky parent, and wanting to give her a healthy family dynamic that she deserved.

Rachel shook her head with a disbelieving laugh as Quinn actually asked when her daughter's birthday was. Even though Rachel never expected her to know, it was just… Elizabeth deserved so much more. Elizabeth deserved another parent who wouldn't have to ask. "May 5th." Rachel answered, looking at her little girl. "It's on the back of the photo if you… forget." Rachel shrugged her shoulders. It's not like she needed to feel bad for saying something like that; she couldn't expect Quinn to actually remember Elizabeth's birthday, given her track record. But there it was, another reminder of why Rachel never wanted Quinn to be a part of the little girl's life.

Watching the three of them, Quinn, Dolly, and Elizabeth, Rachel had to wonder if Dolly was Quinn's replacement child. She read to her, sung to her, apparently watched Barbra Streisand movies with her. And… taught her to dance. Apparently.

Rachel could hardly think straight. She made an impulsive, guarded decision.

"I'm sorry, Q, but I think we're gonna have to head home." she said with a genuinely apologetic smile. For all the questions she had to ask, one she didn't have to ask was whether or not Quinn was enjoying herself. But Rachel didn't actually know how to feel, and it was scary and she wasn't ready to make decisions right now when Quinn had been in Elizabeth's life for an hour tops. She stood, grabbing a baby wipe from her bag of all kinds of supplies to clean up Elizabeth's hands and face, before taking the little girl's chubby hand in her own.

The two Berry girls looked up at Quinn. "I'll call you, okay? I promise. We get ice cream a lot, if you couldn't tell." she joked weakly, patting her tummy. "But seriously, I just… I think I'd feel more comfortable if we could talk sometime without Elizabeth. It's- it's not that you can't be around her, it's just that we need to talk about things that I don't want her to hear." Rachel hoped Quinn would understand, Rachel was only trying to protect her daughter from getting her heart broken so young. "But I'll call you. Soon." Rachel caught Elizabeth's attention with a smile. "Say thank you to Quinn for buying us the ice cream, baby."

"Thank you, Quinn." Elizabeth said with a shy smile that just melted Rachel's heart.

"Thank you." Rachel said as well, before awkwardly making her escape. She needed the space to think.

* * *

Rachel's sudden change in demeanor when Quinn said she deserved someone made her straighten her back reflexively and blink at her in surprise. "I'm sorry, I didn't...did I say something?"

"I'm not going to forget, Rachel," Quinn said, hurt dipping into her voice, "How could I forget my daughter's birthday? I would know already if people told me things." Anger flared up in her for a moment when she thought of all the times she asked Santana for any kind of information on her child and she would just shrug and give Quinn a look. Why couldn't she tell her these things? Just a simple thing like her daughter's birthday? Oh yeah, because Quinn made the choice to leave. _Quinn _made the choice not to know these things.

Quinn's heart dropped when Rachel announced they were leaving, emotions beginning to choke her throat again. "Oh, um...yeah okay," she murmured as she watched Rachel clean up her little girl. She rubbed the back of her neck and tossed the rest of her cone into a near by trashcan, suddenly feeling sick. The last thing she wanted to do was watch her little girl and the only girl she ever loved walk away from her. Her own selfish fears were telling her that once they walked out they wouldn't be coming back. What if Rachel decided that the last thing she wanted was Quinn back in her life? She'd be heart broken. Again. But this heart break, she may not be able to survive.

Tears stung the back of her eyes when Elizabeth thanked her and she just nodded, afraid if she opened her mouth, tears would stream down her cheeks. She waved lamely at Rachel's retreating back, her eyes glued to the two girls as they walked away. Her two girls. Or rather, the girls who should have been hers. Then she wouldn't be watching them until they walked out of sight around the corner, she'd be with them.


	6. Knight in Shining Armor, pt 1

AN: Thank you for the response so far! Just so you know, in the actual rp, there's a lot of stuff going on between paras like little convos and stuff. Some of the plot happens there. So, if you're interested, the actual rp is quinniefaaabray and rachellovesnyc. Otherwise, thank you for reading!

PS: It's interesting to see who wants Rachel to give Quinn a second chance and how many want her to wait. We'll see how you feel after this chapter.

Knight in Shining Armor, part 1

Rachel was panicking. No, panicking wouldn't do this justice, she was hysterical. And Elizabeth was sniffling and her whole face was red and blotchy. Her eyes were shiny and wet and she was looking at Rachel like she was the only person in the world who could fix this and— and Rachel didn't know what to _do._ She had never broken a bone before, let alone taken care of a child who had.

"Listen to me, baby girl, I need to just take a look, okay?" she said, carefully pulling at her cardigan without maneuvering her tiny arm at all. Elizabeth screamed, little eyebrows knitting together in fright. If Rachel had been thinking more rationally, she would have known that she was screaming out of fear, not a new round of agonizing pain, like Rachel thought, but she wasn't thinking rationally, so she let go of the knitwear like it was scalding her. She knew the tiny arm was broken. She _heard_ that it broke, she remembered with a new wave of nausea. "Okay, jellybean, stay right there." Rachel fumbled with her purse behind her, grabbing the first soft thing she felt. Makka Pakka, from Elizabeth's favorite TV show. "Makka Pakka will look after you while mommy calls someone, okay? Don't move, babe." she rushed to the other side of the room, picking up her cell. With shaky hands, she rummaged clumsily for that card she had tossed around here somewhere a week ago. Elizabeth was still sobbing, distracting Rachel from her task. The shaky woman swiped hard at her eyes, trying to stay strong. God, hadn't she told Quinn off for crying in front of Elizabeth?

She didn't really think twice about calling her, which was absurd because she had managed for three years without her, but now, panicking, with a screaming child and a broken bone she didn't know what to do and she didn't know who to call and— and _Quinn._

The phone rang for too long, but as soon as she heard it connect, a flurry of words came out. "Quinn, baby, it's me, Elizabeth— she—" Rachel sniffed "She hurt her arm, I think it's broken, I- I don't know what to do. I can't get her in a cab, she's crying." Rachel hiccuped, panic obvious in her frightened tone.

She paced back to her daughter, dropping to the ground beside her. She was in a state, with a little bump on her head and a tiny splotch of blood on her little white tights where she had grazed her knee on something here. Rachel could have cried just from looking at her. "I told her to stop running, and— god, there's so much furniture! She was like a _pinball_." Rachel wept hysterically, doing nothing at all to calm Elizabeth. Rachel was making it worse with her hysteria, working the injured girl up into hysterics herself. She was terrified. Rachel was terrified. Suddenly a family of two felt so inconvenient. Without really listening to a word Quinn had been saying, Rachel began babbling out her address, expecting Quinn to just show up. "I don't know what to do." she said again, trying to distance herself from Elizabeth so she didn't scare her, but it was a fruitless attempt, and within seconds, she was back by her side, wrapping a protective arm around her as gently as she could while kissing the top of her head, and clasping the phone to her ear like it was a lifeline.

A few hours from now, Rachel probably would be so ashamed of herself. But for now, she was too afraid to think logically and tell herself to be a grown up and look at it for what it is; a broken arm. Millions of kids break their arms. She'd be fine. She would manage. But Rachel couldn't see it while her daughter was looking at her with big, frightened eyes.

* * *

Quinn had made five copies of the picture Rachel had given her of Elizabeth and the older brunette as soon as she got home. One to put wedge into the edge of the frame on her bedside (the bigger picture in the frame was of Quinn and Rachel on their last anniversary, the taller blonde behind the shorter girl, arms wrapped around her waist and her face pressed into brunette hair), one for her wallet, one for the fridge and one for her desk at work. The fifth one was to put away just in case she lost one of the others.

She was placing one carefully on the fridge, trying to figure what magnet would go best with it (kitten or circle) when her phone rang. Digging it out of her pocket she frowned at the unknown number before pressing it to her ear. "Hello?" The greeting wasn't even all the way out of her mouth when she heard Rachel's hysterical voice on the other end. Quinn froze, trying to decipher what Rachel was saying through the tears and hiccups. All she heard was Rachel call her baby and something about Elizabeth hurting her arm and she went into instant crisis mode.

"Okay, okay," Quinn fumbled through the drawers looking for a pen to write down Rachel's address. She couldn't find paper so she just wrote it down on her arm. She could deal with the permanent marker later because her little girl was hurt and Rachel was calling her.

"Sweetie, calm down, okay? I'll be there in no time," Quinn said as calmly as possible as she fumbled to find shoes to put on. She could hear Elizabeth crying in the background and it only made her move faster. Haphazardly slipping her shoes on, she grabbed her wallet and keys before bolting out the door, still on the phone. She ran down the stairs of her apartment building and practically through herself in front of a taxi to make it stop. Slipping inside she practically yelled and thrust her arm at the driver to read the address, "I need to get to this address, now! My little girl is hurt. Go go go!"

Taking a deep breath she focused on the muffled sound of both mother and daughter crying in the phone at Quinn. Her instincts took over and she began to talk to Rachel in a calm and even voice. Rachel had given herself anxiety attacks when she was hysterical like this and Quinn couldn't let that happen with her little girl hurt. "Rachel, I'm on my way now, just take a deep breath, okay? Don't make yourself have a panic attack. I'll stay on the phone with you until I get there, babylove, just calm down."

If she had time to think about it she would have been embarrassed at the term of endearment she let slip from her lips but she had other things to worry about. She pulled up to Rachel's apartment building and told the taxi to wait for her before she threw a handful of bills in the front seat of the cab "I'm on my way up now, Rach, I'm hanging up now," Quinn murmured, hanging up the phone as she pushed her way past the doorman, ignoring his yelling for her to come back as she began to sprint up the stairs. Eight flights was a lot. If it wasn't for the adrenaline pumping through her veins she probably would have passed out about the sixth floor at the speed she was going. When she finally reached the eighth floor she ran to Rachel's door and knocked on it. Quinn was panting, her bangs were stuck to her sweaty forehead, she was wearing two different shoes and her jacket was on inside out but she made it.

"Rachel, sweetie, it's me," Quinn said knocking again, pressing her face to the door, "I have the cab waiting so we can get her to the hospital."

* * *

As much as she hated to admit it, Quinn was right. The blonde's tinny voice coming down the phone, was completely, unquestionably right. Rachel took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she buried her nose in the mane that was her daughter's hair. She smelled like the mild shampoo Rachel used to wash her hair. She needed to calm down. Thankfully, since her panicked frenzy of words had come out, Rachel had stopped talking and began listening, accepting the several terms of endearment— some embarrassingly cutesy and so surprising after three years of "mommy" and "Rachel" and nothing else. No one had called her "sweetie" for a long time.

With a fraction of her logical mind back since Quinn had started talking, she began to look at her baby girl through responsible eyes again, even through her own tears. "Do you want to sing with Makka Pakka, baby?" she whispered, only vaguely registering Quinn's words in the background. Elizabeth was sniffling, hiccuping, her brown hair tumbling down around her rosy cheeks, but she nodded anyway. Rachel began to hum the opening theme of In The Night Garden. Elizabeth probably wouldn't remember, but Rachel used to sing it to her when she was tiny and going through a stage where she fought sleep at all costs. She even began putting words to the little tune, whole stories coming out of nowhere and put to the soothing melody that even made her sleepy. Eventually, as Elizabeth got older, bed time stories began to take over, but occasionally, in times of distress, the song would come back out to play. Usually it was only when she was sick and couldn't sleep, not when she had broken bones.

"You're crying." Elizabeth whimpered out, trying clumsily to reach for Rachel's face, only to break into new sobs when she remembered the pain. Rachel's heart broke all over again.

"I don't like seeing you hurt, sweetheart." she told her, with the phone still pressed to her ear, even as she bent to place tiny butterfly kisses over her tearful child's chubby little face. "Try not to move it, okay?"

At some point, she realized that the line was dead. She hadn't been listening for a little while, soothed by the sound of another person alone. She had no idea what Quinn had been saying for half the journey, but her voice was familiar and comforting and it was enough. And then the door knocked, and that voice wasn't tinny and distant, it was there, on the other side. Rachel took a deep breath and looked back to her hurt little girl. "Do you remember Quinn? She bought you ice cream, and you got her the jellybeans and bubblegum?" Rachel prompted gently. Elizabeth nodded, finally beginning to calm down. "Well she heard you hurt your arm so she's come over to make you feel better." Rachel was trying desperately to jolly her along, make her feel a little bit better. She did seem to perk up a tiny bit at the promise of seeing Quinn again. Seems like the blonde had made a bit of an impression. Rachel was too far gone to really know how to feel about that at all.

She left Elizabeth for one second, promising that she would only be at the door, that she'd be watching her the whole time. But as soon as she opened the door and saw the hero of the evening, she flung herself at Quinn, fingers curling into the collars of her inside out jacket and holding her close, her face buried in Quinn's neck for a second. The scent wasn't familiar anymore, but comforting anyway. She had never been so grateful to see her. "Thank you for coming over, I— I'm sorry, I'm freaking out." she said, embarrassed. "She's…" Rachel took a deep breath, stepping away and taking Quinn into the chaos that had become her apartment tonight. "She's afraid to move because it hurts and I don't know how to help her." Rachel said, quieting as she made her way closer to the little girl still sitting on the floor next to the coffee table. "Remember Quinn?" Rachel said brightly to the little girl, trying her hardest to hold herself together. It wasn't convincing, but fortunately, Elizabeth's eyes weren't on Rachel. The dark-haired girl nodded shyly, tears still trickling down her face.

"Hi, Quinn." she said in the smallest voice Rachel had ever heard.

Rachel turned back to the blonde uncertainly. "What do I do?" she asked helplessly, relying completely on the girl she had written off not so long ago.

* * *

Quinn didn't even have time to respond to the door opening before Rachel threw her arms around her and her entire mind when blank. She stood still for a moment, frozen as she tried to figure out if this was actually happening. When the smell of Rachel's perfume invaded her senses and she realized this wasn't some cruel dream, her arms automatically went around Rachel's petite body. Quinn squeezed her tight, not wanting to let go and hoping that her rapidly beating heart wasn't apparent through her chest. Rachel fit just right with her. Just like she always remembered. With Rachel's light breath on her neck and the feel of her nose pressed briefly against the sensitive skin, Quinn risked a quick kiss to the side of Rachel's head. She hoped she wasn't _too _sweaty from running up those stairs as she murmured, "Don't apologize, Rach. Or thank me. This is what I'm here for now."

She immediately felt a loss when Rachel pulled away but then remembered there were more important things to fix then to dwell on her pathetic lingering feelings for a woman that didn't want her anymore. Her heart broke when she saw Elizabeth's puffy, wet face shining up at her, her arm apparently swollen in her sweater and her parental instincts kicked in immediately. "Hey, baby girl," Quinn said calmly despite the fact that her stomach was twisting in worry. She sank to her knees in front of the little girl, "Your Mommy said that you got a little boo boo. Can I take a look at it?"

Quinn nodded and carefully pulled Elizabeth's good arm from the jacket before slowly pulling the sweater off the broken arm to get a better look. Elizabeth whined a little but Quinn hushed her quietly and kissed the top of her head as she pulled the sweater past her little hand. She looked down at the arm and winced a little. Yep. Broken. Quinn had her fair share of broken bones in her past as a result of living with her father and knew exactly what this looked like. And felt like. "It hurts, doesn't it, baby?" Quinn said wiping some hair from the little girl's sweaty forehead, "Okay, Elizabeth, we're going to take you to the doctor, okay?" Quinn smiled softly at the little girl who was looking at her with a little frown that melted her heart. "We're going to go to the doctor and you're going to get a cool cast! You can get it in any color you want!"

With an enthusiastic nod, Quinn used the little girl's sweater to fashion a sling to hold the broken arm close to Elizabeth's body. "You're being so brave, baby girl," Quinn said brushing some tears from her little chubby face before wrapping one arm around her body and the other under her legs to pick her up carefully. Elizabeth began to sob again and Quinn hushed her gently, "You're being so brave. Let's be brave for your Mommy, okay? Don't cry, my sweet girl, you'll be okay."

Elizabeth nodded and sniffled a little, looking at Quinn with fear in her eyes. Quinn remembered too well what it felt like to be small and in pain, not knowing what was happening. Except when it was a five-year-old Quinn she was just told to suck it up and be a man. She wouldn't be that parent. "Don't be afraid, I'm here and your Mommy's here and we won't let you get hurt anymore."

Quinn turned to Rachel, running a hand through the little girl's hair as she continued to whimper against Quinn's shoulder. "You have her medical information, right? Let's get down to the cab."

Without a second thought, Quinn took Rachel's hand and pulled her out of the apartment while balancing Elizabeth in her other arm. Taking the stairs wasn't going to be an option now, too much jostling. Quinn pushed the button with her hip and waited impatiently for the elevator, rushing on and pulling Rachel with her as soon as the doors opened. "Do you know what color cast you're going to get?" Quinn asked the still sniffling girl in her arms, thankful she wasn't sobbing anymore.

Elizabeth shrugged with her good arm but stayed silent. "Come on, you have to know. What's your favorite color? The doctor has all kinds of colors! Even glow in the dark ones," Quinn said like getting a cast was the most exciting thing in the world, "All the kids in your daycare are going to be soooo jealous. I broke my arm when I was a little older than you and I had a green glow in the dark cast. Everyone signed it and drew pictures on it and it was awesome."

The doors to the elevator opened and they rushed to the waiting cab, slipping inside. Quinn instructed the driver to drive to the hospital and shrugged off one arm of her jacket to drape it over Elizabeth's body. The little girl blinked up at her for a moment before speaking in a small voice, "H-how'd you hurt your arm?"

Quinn hesitated for a moment, her eyes flickering to Rachel who was well aware of her less then happy childhood before looking back at the little girl. How do you tell your little girl that your father broke your arm when you were five? He broke your arm because you begged your mother to buy you a dress because you didn't _want _to be a boy. You were a girl, you were sure of it. She let you get the dress as long as you wore it only in your room and only when your father was at work. It was fine until your father came home for lunch one day to find his perfect son in a dress. He pulled it off of you with such force that it snapped your arm in two. After that your mother decided drinking herself numb and ignoring her baby's screams were better than facing the truth and having to do something about it. How do you tell your baby that? You don't.

"I hurt my arm the same way you did, baby girl," Quinn said tapping her little nose lightly. Quinn had no idea how Elizabeth actually broke her arm since Rachel never exactly said, but the little girl seemed to be satisfied with her answer and settled her brunette head back on Quinn's shoulder. "I want it in pink," Elizabeth said softly. Quinn smiled in relief and looked over at Rachel to offer her a reassuring smile. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

* * *

How had Quinn walked away from this? She was a natural. She was taking care of the both of them like a pro, making sure Elizabeth felt safe while keeping Rachel calm, and Rachel actually trusted her. No, more than that, she was relying on her, and quite obviously, Elizabeth was as well. For one fleeting second, Rachel really did love her all over again, like those years apart never existed. Of course, later on she'd reason with herself that it was just the emotion of the night, but for a little while there, she let herself just indulge the feelings.

In the safety of the cab, Rachel could only just about hear the conversation shared between Quinn and her daughter above the sound of her own hammering heart and all of New York's noise. But what she did hear was almost enough to make her want to start crying all over again. She already knew the horrible details of Quinn's broken bones and tearful hours spent alone, confused, hurt. It was only instinct when her hand went to find Quinn's. She didn't lace their fingers or anything, but she held on, grasping at the pale hand like it would serve as a silent thank you for being strong and brave when Rachel and Elizabeth both needed her. And also for being really, really fast too.

And then… then Quinn was looking at her with caring eyes and a soft smile that was supposed to be reassuring— even though Rachel couldn't really stop panicking while her baby was hurt— and she really could have kissed her stupidly pretty lips. Instead, she just brought the hand that was holding Quinn's away from her hand and up to her cheek, sweeping her thumb along the pretty angle of her cheekbone. "I'm okay." she nodded, letting her hand drop again as they pulled up outside the hospital. "Thank you." Just a fleeting moment of affection, but meaningful nonetheless. Rachel vaguely recognized that these were the first steps to something more than complete strangers.

Rachel had every piece of paperwork she could possibly need clutched in her still not-quite-steady hands while she sheepishly left the maneuvering of Elizabeth up to the superhero of the evening. The little whimpers of pain didn't go unnoticed, but Rachel had to trust that the blonde knew what she was doing. After all, she had real experience of this. The most Rachel could remember of breaking anything was when Finn had accidentally swung his fist into her nose with his gorilla-like dancing, and that really didn't count, painful as it was.

After throwing fistfuls of uncounted cash at the driver, Rachel raced inside to thrust all the information she had at anybody with a badge. She was hastily redirected to go get Elizabeth an x-ray, but was told by an apologetic, motherly-looking nurse that she'd have to wait a little while yet. Rachel rubbed at her forehead, nodding with the crumpled up paperwork in her hands. "O-Okay, thank you. Sorry." she stammered, returning to Quinn who had been left with the sniffling little girl.

"We need to find the x-ray thingy place." she sighed when she walked back to the other two girls, standing close to them, protectively, even though she was probably in the biggest state of all of them. The three of them navigated the unfamiliar territory, almost like a real family. Elizabeth was back on her feet, toddling clumsily between the two adults, but holding onto Quinn's hand. Rachel didn't mind. She kind of liked it. When she looked over at the two of them, she could see a mother and a daughter if she looked for it. Elizabeth's looks were dominated by Rachel's less darker features. Her dark hair, dark eyes. But she had cheekbones like Quinn, and a more demure nose (thank god), and the shape of her eyes were a mirror of Quinn's own, right down to the way her eyelashes fanned out so beautifully. There were subtler things too, like flecks of gold in her otherwise brown irises, that Rachel just adored. She was the prettiest thing on the face of the planet.

They found their way to the waiting area and Rachel let Elizabeth clamber up onto her lap. "Your cast is going to look so pretty, baby." she kissed the side of her hair, which was naturally fluffy, much like her own had been when she was little. "Pink, huh? If I was getting a cast, I'd get pink too." It seemed to make Elizabeth smile a little bit, which made Rachel smile in turn. It was no secret that Elizabeth idolized her, and it was also no secret that Rachel loved to tell that to just about everyone she came into contact with. Elizabeth made Rachel proud to be who she was, even if that wasn't who she thought she'd be when she was in high school.

She looked over at Quinn, deciding that now she was slightly less hysterical, she should probably fill her in. "She was running around the living room. Tripped over the coffee table and bumped her head on the TV." Nothing quite as sinister as what Quinn had been through when she broke her arm. Or, had it broken. She hesitated for a second. "Were you busy before I called? Because I was thinking, after she gets her cast, I was going to take her out for a happy meal or something, make her smile again." Elizabeth sat up straighter, suddenly listening in on the conversation. "You can come with us? As long as you aren't busy, I mean. It won't take long though, she has to be in bed pretty soon, so… maybe? What do you think?" she was babbling a little bit, inexplicable nerves growing.

* * *

Quinn's heart was fluttering so rapidly that for a moment, she was convinced she was having a heart attach. Rachel's soft hand on her cheek reminded her of all the human affection she had been missing these three years. Just the small touch alone made Quinn want to cry and in a better, less urgent situation, Quinn might have covered Rachel's hand with hers and leaned over to kiss her. But Elizabeth's tiny whimpers (thankfully) kept her grounded as Rachel's hand slid from her cheek and they moved from the safety of the cab into the hospital.

The sterile smell hit Quinn in the chest like a truck, making her eyes water briefly. She hated hospitals. Always had. First with all the years she had to come here and lie to the suspicious nurses about why she needed stitches or another x-ray and second because of those awful days she spent in the hospital after her accident in high school. That wasn't even counting what seemed like endless checkup appointments for months afterwards. Even to this day she still had to get a checkup at least once a year to make sure her spine was okay.

All Quinn needed to do to quell off the sickness growing in her stomach was to look over at Elizabeth who was looking at her with wide, trusting eyes, whimpering occasionally. "You're all right, baby girl," Quinn whispered as she rubbed a reassuring hand up and down the little girl's good arm, "It'll be better soon, I promise." Elizabeth nodded and rubbed her arm across her nose in a clumsy attempt to wipe it. Quinn smiled affectionately and used the arm of her jacket that was still draped across Elizabeth's little body to dab under her runny nose.

Quinn watched as Rachel approached them from the desk, still clearly frazzled. Elizabeth wriggled a little bit to be put down and Quinn reluctantly let her stand on her own. "I need you to be careful, Elizabeth, okay?" Quinn said, thankful when the little girl reached for her hand. The last thing she wanted was for the girl to trip and fall on her bad arm, maybe making it worse. She made sure they walked slowly as they looked for the x-ray place, her eyes on Elizabeth every time she felt a change in her walking and preparing to catch her at a moments notice. She let out a long sigh of relief when they finally made it to the x-ray ward, sitting in one of the chairs. Her hands were hovering behind Elizabeth as she struggled to get into Rachel's lap with one arm, but she finally and Quinn relaxed back into the chair.

Knowing how Elizabeth had broken her arm was a giant relief to Quinn. Of course she would never think anything sinister of Rachel, she would never hurt her baby. But just on instinct Quinn feared much worse. It was a relief to know that her arm had been broken in a normal kid way. A small smile grew on Quinn's face as she listened to Rachel babble on about happy meals. It was the cutest thing and reminded her of when they first started dating. Rachel would try and say something or explain something and, of course, get nervous and begin prattling on and on. Quinn would always just listen, with a small smile on her face until she just couldn't handle it anymore and leaned over to kiss Rachel, just to cease her rattling. She never got tired of it. Tonight Quinn's lips on Rachel's would be replaced by Quinn's hand over her still slightly shaky one.

"I would love to come. I'm not busy at all, actually. I mean, I'm never too busy for you or Elizabeth. But I really wasn't doing anything," Quinn said squeezing her hand, "Actually, I was putting up copies of the picture you gave me when you called." She noticed that Rachel's eyebrows were still knit together in a little in tension. Leaning over a little Quinn moved to cup Rachel's face in her hands, stopping before she made contact. "Can I?" she breathed out before holding Rachel's face in her hands gently. She placed her thumbs between dark eyebrows and rubbed small circles, watching as some of the tension left Rachel's face. Quinn took this time to take a good look at Rachel like she hadn't been able to before.

Rachel was just as beautiful as she remembered. Her face looked a little older but not in a bad way. In a mature way. She looked like she was forced to take on more responsibility than she was ready for too soon, and Quinn blamed herself for that. The little scar on her forehead was still there and the curve of her nose was just as she memorized with countless little kisses she had spent trying to reassure Rachel that she _was _beautiful. Every part of her. Quinn almost wished that Elizabeth had Rachel's nose. Not only because she loved it so much but also so that maybe Rachel would finally see that it was beautiful. Not thinking, Quinn kissed the tip of her nose briefly before letting her hands fall back into her own lap.

"There, better," Quinn said shyly. Rachel's face didn't have as much tension in it as before and Quinn saw that as a small victory. "Do you want coffee? I saw a coffee place down the hall. I'll get your favorite. Soy cappuccino. Right?" Quinn turned to Elizabeth and leaned a little closer, brushing some of her hair from her face, "And I'll get you a hot chocolate, sweet girl. Okay? It'll make your arm feel better."

Quinn nodded and stood up, making her way to the coffee stand. She kept glancing back over her shoulder in some strange attempt to make sure that everything was alright and Elizabeth wasn't doubled over in pain or anything. She got the coffee and hot chocolate, rushing back over to where Rachel and her daughter was. "Here's cappuccino for you. And a hot chocolate for you, my love," Quinn said carefully handing the tiny cup to Elizabeth. Initially it looked like she was having a hard time holding the cup with just one hand so Quinn helped her take the first sip before taking the cup from her so she wouldn't drop it. "Just tell me when you want more, baby girl," Quinn said wiping some hot chocolate off her little mouth with her thumb. She turned to Rachel. "Did they say how long it would be?" she asked, her impatience already growing. The longer it was the worse it was going to be for Elizabeth.

* * *

Rachel was carefully snuggling her daughter into her when a hand far more confident than her own settled over the top of her shaky one. The change wasn't missed by the ever-observant Rachel. things had ended so abruptly between herself and Quinn that they never really worked through this awkward, friendly stage. Rachel went from kisses to shut up her up, to no one there to listen to her anyway. She went from fairytale romance (kind of) to nothing at all. So she had never been through this weird stage with Quinn before, and it just… It didn't feel right. The squeeze to her hand just confirmed it.

Then, all of a sudden, without provocation, she felt those hands on her face, careful and sweet. She asked for permission first, but Rachel didn't manage to say a thing, just stammering silently, stunned.

How are you supposed to feel with your ex-girlfriend's thumbs between your eyebrows? Someone tell her because Rachel had no idea of what she was supposed to feel right now. She blinked, tense, but feeling it drain from her features. They were so close that Rachel wanted to look at this love she had lost by deciding to keep her baby. But she couldn't do it, couldn't look at Quinn the way Quinn was openly watching her.

And just when Rachel thought it couldn't get any worse, with all these heartbreaking reminders, the most devastating thing of all happened. A soft, warm kiss to the very end of her nose. Feather light. Oh, Quinn Fabray. It made her lashes flutter briefly. Then, just like that, it was over, and Quinn was shyly offering to get her a coffee, remembering exactly what she liked. Strong and nice to animals.

Rachel was on the verge of a breakdown. Why did Quinn think that was okay? To just… make Rachel feel things after all these years! As her footsteps became faint, each one sounding different due to the odd shoes, she felt tears well up for perhaps the thousandth time that night. Christ.

Her fingers, now far more shaky again, touched the tip of her nose like she wanted to check it was still okay after Quinn kissed it like that, like she _liked it_. It wasn't fair. Quinn wasn't allowed to like parts of her anymore, she wasn't allowed to make Rachel feel pretty and cared for now.

Unexpectedly, amidst these frenzied thoughts, she received another peck on the nose, this time from Elizabeth, who apparently liked to copy Quinn. Rachel smiled tearfully, forcefully wiping t her eyes before Quinn could get back and see her. "Thanks, baby." she said, kissing Elizabeth on the nose too.

Fortunately for everyone, a nurse came along and distracted Rachel anyway, forcing her to be a grown up so she didn't look like a complete wreck of a mother in public. The woman promised it would be just five more minutes, as well as giving her a reassuring "She's gonna be fine, darling." when she took in Rachel's obvious distress and clearly took pity on her. Rachel wanted to tell her that she only knew the half of it.

Quinn returned with warm drinks all around a moment after Rachel had thanked the nurse profusely. Like a natural, the blonde helped her daughter take careful sips from the hot chocolate. Rachel sniffled, quickly pulling herself together before she started talking to Quinn again. "It's only going to be a few more minutes." she said, smiling tensely before she took a much-needed sip of that heaven sent coffee. "I have this theory, you know, that hospital coffee only tastes bad if you don't really need to be here. Like, if you're well enough to complain about it, you're probably fine. If it hits the spot, you should be worried." she sent a crooked smile over to Quinn, not her own usual beaming Rachel Berry grin. Then she nodded down at the little girl carefully sipping from the cardboard cup. "She doesn't usually drink anything unless it's from a sippy cup or a happy meal cup." Rachel said with further worry.

She wondered what the three of them looked like to the outside world. Rachel balancing her injured daughter on her knee, with one arm securely around her middle and the other hand smoothing down her wildly fluffy hair. And then Quinn, leaning in close, helping Elizabeth take sips because he clumsy little hands couldn't really do it alone. Mostly, Rachel got the distinct feeling that they were viewed as a couple with a child, especially when Quinn kissed her on the nose too. A guilty part of her felt sad that Quinn was the only one now who hadn't received a kiss on the nose, but it's not like Rachel could remedy that really.

The nurse returned to usher Elizabeth away, but she looked scared and tiny and broken, and so Rachel's lioness came out in full force, insisting that she go in too. It was just impulse when she grabbed onto Quinn's hand and took her in there as well. Rachel spoke to Elizabeth the whole time, about nothing really, but enough to keep her mind away from the fact that she was in a hospital. Within a few minutes, Elizabeth was clutching the x-ray and they were sent away to get Elizabeth's arm all patched up. Rachel was promised that the break really wasn't bad at all, much to her relief.

By the time the cast was actually on, Elizabeth's eyes were beginning to close. 9PM was far too late for a two year old. Rachel had her balanced on her hip, with the little head of hair snuggled into her shoulder, her eyes barely staying open for more than a second. Rachel kissed the top of her head, glad that she was now calm enough to doze off. But it did look like the happy meal was off.

She looked to Quinn with a new set of nerves. "I'm gonna take her home and get her to bed." she said quietly. Actually, nervous didn't cover her feelings right now. "You… you could come too?" She didn't know why she was offering that, but she didn't think it could be that bad. So Quinn would be in her home and they wouldn't have Elizabeth to keep them behaving properly. And there would be no reason to pretend nothing happened between them. "I mean, I owe you a coffee at least." she shrugged one shoulder, dangerously close to beginning to babble again. "And I don't know about you but I haven't actually had any dinner yet, and I'm quite hungry, I was relying on the happy meal, but I don't want to wake sleepyhead up. And— I- I can cook. For us. After I put her to bed. Or you can do that and I can cook. If you want to. But you don't have to, because Elizabeth will be asleep so if you want to go home we don't even have to split a taxi, I don't mind." Rachel, shut up. Just stop talking.

* * *

Quinn chuckled and listened to Rachel talk about hospital coffee, her eyes still on Elizabeth as she took a particularly ambitious sip of hot chocolate. "I believe your theory. One hundred percent," Quinn said smiling over at the brunette before letting her focus go back to Elizabeth, "Whenever I had to go to the hospital, my mother would always get me this horribly sugary drink afterwards. It might have had caffeine in it too, I don't even know. She probably thought it would make me feel better but it was awful. I drank it because I thought she wanted me to and I thought it'd make her feel better but I hated it. Even when I left the hospital after my accident...she got me one of those stupid drinks and I choked it down. She thought she was doing something good for me and I never wanted to feel bad. So I just...endured it." Quinn trailed off, not sure where she was going with that story.

Shrugging, she laughed a little when Elizabeth smacked her lips after taking another sip. She looked at the worry on Rachel's face and bumped their shoulders together lightly. "Well look at her now. Drinking out of a big girl cup. To go with her big girl cast. Right, Elizabeth?"

The little brunette nodded and reached for the cup in Quinn's hand as if to prove a point to her mother. Either that or she just really liked the hot chocolate. Either was a possibility. When the nurse came to take Elizabeth into the x-ray room, Quinn was grateful that Rachel grabbed her hand to follow them in. Not like she wouldn't have fought her way in anyways. She brushed her thumb over Rachel's knuckled briefly before letting their hands drop and standing next to Rachel, brushing some hair from Elizabeth's face as they took the x-rays.

"Look at that!" Quinn said when they finished setting the cast, "You're going to be the coolest kid in daycare." Quinn looked at the cast like i was the best thing that could have happened to the little girl who smiled groggily at her. Once Rachel picked her up she was basically out. She smiled fondly at the little girl, her new bright pink cast pressed between her tiny body and Rachel's.

Quinn's heart fell a little when Rachel said they were going home. The offer to come with them though brought her heart right back up and into her throat. She smiled, biting her lip to keep from smiling to wide as Rachel rambled on about coffee and dinner. Nerves settled in behind Quinn's initial excitement when she realized this meant she would be spending time with Rachel. Alone. No Elizabeth to distract them. It would be nice to spend some grown up alone time with the mother of her child but...what if everything went horribly wrong? She hadn't spoken to Rachel one on one for three years. And the last time they spoke was full of yelling and tears with hurtful words hurtling around that weren't meant. The last thing she wanted to happen was for her to say something stupid and be banned from seeing Elizabeth. Especially after making this much progress.

But Rachel was so cute with her rambling and a little girl tucking into her shoulder. "I'd love to come with you," Quinn said with a light smile, "You don't owe me anything, it was the least I could do. But...I am really hungry...and I would love to put Elizabeth to bed...if you don't mind." She ruffled her hair, an old nervous habit she never quite beat despite the fact that it always made her hair stick up unattractively. She looked shyly down at her mismatched shoes, rocking back and forth on her heels before looking back up at Rachel through her lashes. What was it about Rachel that made her act (and feel like) some shy high schooler. She was almost twenty-five for goodness sake. But here she was, standing outside a hospital with her ex and her daughter, acting like she had just gotten asked out to prom.


	7. Knight in Shining Armor, pt 2

Knight in Shining Armor, part 2

Rachel didn't really know where Quinn was going with her story about the sugary drink, but it made her want to say something, anything that might make her feel better about what was obviously not a fantastic memory for her. She shrugged shyly. "If I knew you when we were little, I would have brought you hot chocolate every time." It was awful that Rachel could even say "every time" because no child should have to be in the hospital that much, especially not at the hands of their own parents. Elizabeth had had her fair share of hospital visits, but so far the broken arm was the most serious. Most were routine things, a few were discovering allergies for the first time, and the majority had been Rachel panicking over nothing (but how was she supposed to know that it was normal for babies to cough!)

The point was that none were ever like Quinn's hospital visits. Even now, the always protective Rachel wanted to do awful things to Quinn's parents for what they had put the tiny blonde through.

Fortunately, right after her little comment, they were swept up in the rush of getting their little girl patched up good as new (and when had Elizabeth become _theirs_ instead of _hers_?) In no time at all, they were outside the hospital and Quinn was accepting her offer. Oh Rachel was nervous. And obviously, Quinn was too. But Quinn was nervous in the most endearing way imaginable. The kind of way that made Rachel want to step closer and smooth down that funny bit of blonde hair sticking right up, and possibly kiss her cheek because that's as far as she dared to fantasize for now.

For now? No, no, for ever. She wasn't planning to want more than that, not now and not ever! It was bad enough that she actually wanted to kiss her cheek! God, what was happening to her?

"Okay," she said, swiftly cutting off her worries with a shy smile of her own. "Come on then." they got themselves a cab and it wasn't too long before they were outside her building again (though by that time, Rachel still hadn't finished silently chastising herself for forgetting to bring a car seat. A baby with a broken arm is still no excuse for forgetfulness!)

The exhausted trio trudged their way up to the elevator and Rachel let the gentle hum of the machinery soothe her as she leaned back against the mirrored wall in blissful silence, with momentarily closed eyes, until they were eight floors up, when she reluctantly had to open her eyes again and show Quinn the way to her apartment. Although, the speedy blonde had already found her way there once.

"The keys are in my pocket, can you just…" Rachel cocked her hip to the side awkwardly while balancing her sleeping baby on the other, prompting Quinn to take the keys from her pocket and unlock the door, even if it did mean sliding her hand right _there. _Ahem.

Once on the inside, Rachel let her shoulders slump with great relief. "Home at last." she sighed in the same way her dads always did whenever they got home after a particularly long day out. Elizabeth barely stirred, so Rachel turned to her ex-girlfriend, stepping in far too close for comfort. "Here, why don't you take her to bed. I'll get started on dinner." Well if that didn't sound domesticated then Rachel didn't know what did. "Her bedroom's just…" Rachel leaned slightly. In a New York City, it's not like apartments were huge. Rachel could see both their bedroom doors from where she stood in the open living space. "The one on the left there." she nodded as she shifted the girl into Quinn's arms, and then hastily stepped back again, putting a more comfortable space between them. "I'll be in the kitchen. Come fine me when you're done." she said with a tiny, mostly nervous smile. Within minutes, they'd be alone, and they'd just be Quinn and Rachel again. Not a mom and a… whatever Quinn was right now. Just two girls who used to be in love.

Rachel made her escape to the kitchen where she rummaged around for whatever she could find. The lazy part of her that was both emotionally and physically exhausted wanted nothing more than to order Chinese food, or pizza, or anything that didn't require her making an effort. But the other part of her, the part that still wanted to impress Quinn even now, insisted that she at least try. So with a huff, she hauled out her egg-free pasta and a little tub of sauce she had made not too long ago. Rachel found she was too picky with sauces to ever buy any, and considering her unrivaled love for any kind of pasta (ahem, as long as it was egg-free, obviously) Rachel had started preparing her sauces (along with various other things) in advance to fit in with her ridiculously hectic schedule. It came in handy on nights like tonight.

As she stirred the still-hard pasta in slowly bubbling and lightly salted water, boredom crept in with the monotonous task. She just quietly waited for the blonde to return, too tired to even entertain herself with any of her usual cooking songs.

* * *

As Rachel stood in the elevator, her head tipped back against the walls and her eyes closed, Quinn felt her breath hitch a little. She stared unashamedly at the girl she let get away and let a sad happiness settle in her chest. It was a weird feeling weighing heavily in her that made her want to cry. Not big ugly tears but slow steady tears that would make her stomach hurt. Like when you read a novel or poem that's so good and beautiful it depresses you because you feel like you'll never read anything as amazing again. That's how Quinn felt looking at Rachel. The soft ping of the elevator tore Quinn away from her thoughts and she blinked herself out of her haze, following Rachel out of the elevator and to the door she had been banging on earlier.

Quinn blushed and just blinked at Rachel before staring blankly at her pocket. Rachel wanted her to reach her hand in _there_ to get her key. "Um, sure," Quinn muttered nonchalantly. _Don't make it awkward, don't make it awkward, _she repeated to herself over and over to herself as she maneuvered her hand into Rachel's pocket. The air around them seemed to heat up as Quinn's fingers searched for the elusive metal. Why was this so hard? She cleared her throat and ignored the thrill of excitement that went through her at being this close to Rachel's..._intimate _areas, her fingers finally curling around the key ring. Pulling it out triumphantly, Quinn opened the door for Rachel and held it open, her hand on the small of the other girl's back instinctively, guiding her into the apartment.

Shutting and locking the door, Quinn turned around only to have Rachel walking towards her, getting close enough that she could almost feel Rachel's breath on her and she could smell her perfume. It made her dizzy. Quinn nodded and took Elizabeth carefully from Rachel's arms, her fingers lightly pulling at Rachel's shirt as she took the little girl into her arms. Elizabeth stirred a little but soon her tiny fingers were curled into the fabric of Quinn's shirt making her smile. She nodded and walked off to the room Rachel pointed to, pushing the door open with her foot. Waiting a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, Quinn blinked a few times and made her way to the bed slowly.

Elizabeth whimpered a little and Quinn shushed her softly, pulling off her little shoes and tights before pulling the blanket up around her. She brushed some hair from Elizabeth's face and kissed her forehead softly, reaching for a nearby stuffed animal and placing it next to her. Almost immediately, a small arm came out and wrapped around the animal, hugging it close. A small smile played on Quinn's features as she just look a few moments to watch her little girl sleep. Why did she walk away from this? Why did she voluntarily miss out on two years of her precious babies life? She could never make up for what she did but damned if she wasn't going to try her hardest to fix what she could. There was no way she could leave now, no way that Rachel could _make _her leave. She was in it for the long haul now.

Placing another soft kiss on Elizabeth's forehead, Quinn walked out of the room and shut the door a little behind her so the light wouldn't bother the baby. She walked towards Rachel who was standing cooking something at the stove and was suddenly struck by how domestic it all felt. Quinn putting the baby to bed...Rachel cooking...just the domesticity of it made Quinn want to wrap her arms around Rachel from behind and place soft kisses on her neck. But that wouldn't be happening now. Or ever really. So instead, Quinn leaned against the counter, facing Rachel.

"No cooking songs tonight?" she asked with a small smile, nudging Rachel's foot with her own teasingly, "Elizabeth is all tucked away. Safe and sound." Quinn simply watched Rachel stir for a few moments, almost mesmerized by the spoon swirling in the water. "Do you want me to do anything? Get anything?" she asked scooting a little closer.

Her fingers tapped lightly on the tile of the counter, a knot of anticipation tightening in her stomach. She didn't know what to expect from tonight at all. The only thing she knew was that the woman who she hadn't spoke to in three years had invited her to have dinner with her. Up until this point, Quinn and Rachel hadn't had a _real _conversation. Everything was clipped as they tried to figure each other out and usually ended with Quinn accidentally insulting Rachel in some way. She was mostly concerned that Rachel would throw her out of the apartment and make it so Quinn couldn't be around Elizabeth anymore. Quinn was great at saying all the wrong things so it was a strong possibility. It certainly didn't help that she turned into a fool around Rachel. Before, the small girl found it endearing and cute. But now she just seemed annoyed by it.

* * *

It wasn't too long before Quinn was back in the kitchen with her, and for the first time sine they reunited (if you can call it that) Rachel let herself really look at Quinn. Really think about her. Maybe it was because she was tired and her defenses were down, or maybe it was something else. But she decided to be brave and just face the reality of what was happening. The girl she used to love with her whole heart was back in her life in a very crucial way, whether she liked it or not. And honestly, she didn't know whether she liked it or not.

Rachel shook her head, her disheveled hair swaying, strands falling from the messy bun she had thrown up there hours ago. It was pretty much useless now, but she had forgotten all about it. "No cooking songs." Why did Quinn even remember things like that? Little quirks that no one else knew anymore. "Too tired." she admitted with a small shrug. "Tonight just…" she rubbed her eyes with a smile that almost said_ I can't believe this is all real. _"I'm fried, after today." she said with yet another little shrug, while still stirring. She nodded at what Quinn was telling her about Elizabeth, but suddenly became a bit more alert when she realized Quinn was closer to her. Had she just scooted over? Rachel stood with straighter posture.

"Um." she stammered. Flustered. Always flustered when Quinn was this close to her. "No, there's nothing to do, really. I'm super efficient." she scrabbled for one of many little tubs of her favorite kind of sauce and waved it, like she was proving her point. "If you look in the fridge, there's like a million of these. I don't really get a lot of time to cook, but I like to make things myself, so I have to be prepared in advance." she was going into too much depth about something that shouldn't matter, simply because she was nervous. But Quinn was very close. "Pasta is probably my favorite thing to eat. I mean, I feel bad about eating too much of it, I know I should have more variety in my diet, but it's so nice and easy. B- But I hate waiting. The stirring for like, eight to twelve minutes just seems to drag."

She bit down on the side of her bottom lip, willing herself to shut up, even if it meant forcefully keeping her mouth closed with teeth clamped there. Quinn could probably see her nerves clearly, so she tried to refocus on the task at hand. Pasta. She tried a single piece, deeming it acceptable enough to drain, then returned to it's pot ready for Rachel to dump her life-saving mini tub of precious sauce onto. More stirring, more waiting as she let it heat through. It managed to keep her quiet for about five more minutes, which was long enough for Rachel to remember how to be a grown up, and how to stop babbling about nonsense. Because if she didn't stop, who knows? Quinn might actually kiss her, like she used to. And Rachel wasn't prepared for that. The prospect filled her with panic, because she didn't know what she'd do. Would she let her do it? Would she kiss her back? Push her away?

"Here you go!" she said, about fifteen octaves higher than her natural range. She handed a bowl to Quinn, popped a fork into it, and off they went, with Rachel walking quickly like she was trying to physically leave behind the fear of Quinn kissing her. Which was a stupid thing to fear anyway, right? Because why would Quinn kiss her anyway? "Let's sit on the couch." she said, bypassing the table completely.

They settled in, and Rachel brought her legs up under her, crossing her legs and propping a cushion on top of them for her to rest her bowl on. It was almost like she was comfortable with Quinn, wasn't it? Able to just relax and do what she usually would. Only, Rachel was far from comfortable. She had suddenly become jumpy and nervous, and like the girl who had brought the guy she really likes back home after the third date. Like she was just waiting for something to happen.

"So um, listen, thank you for being there for us today. I don't think I would have managed without you." she admitted with only slight trouble. But it was hard, confessing that she needed Quinn. Especially when her knee-jerk reaction was to bite back and say no, she didn't need her, she didn't need anyone. She had survived all by herself! "You're really good with Elizabeth. She likes you a lot." Rachel chewed. Thought some more. Thought about Elizabeth holding Quinn's hand, and curling her little fist into Quinn's clothes trustingly.

"I missed you, Quinn." There. It was out, in a pitifully small voice, because Rachel was tired and her nerves were fried and her emotions were wobbling all over the place inside her. She was defenseless, and the truth spilled out too easily. "I wish you'd stayed." she chanced a look over. "We would have made a good family for Elizabeth." A small voice inside her head told her to stop talking now, that she had already said far, far too much. "Do you…" she hesitated, but the girl who never got the answers she needed three years ago wouldn't listen to the voice of reason, and decided to just come out and ask. She had already been brutally honest. Might as well keep going. "Do you regret leaving? Or do you think we would have broken up anyway?" A terrifying thought occurred. Was Quinn with someone? Did she have a girlfriend? Rachel would be devastated. She knew she had no claim over Quinn anymore, but still…

* * *

Why did Rachel have to be the most adorable rambler? Why did words spilling out of her mouth nervously make Quinn smile that stupid dopey smile? Why did her lips seem so much more kissable when they were moving and stumbling over a conversation about pasta? Quinn just nodded, silently agreeing with the things that Rachel said. It was safe to say that Rachel wouldn't be looking at her. Which was good because Quinn was staring again. But as long as Rachel didn't notice it didn't hurt, right? The minutes that Rachel was complaining about for dragging by seemed to zip past as Quinn's eyes roamed over Rachel's features, re-memorizing every dip and turn she could once trace without even looking.

Rachel's shrill announcement that the pasta was ready made Quinn jump slightly, successfully pulling out of her stupor. Her cheeks were tinted pink as she took the bowl and followed Rachel into the living room. She was ashamed to say her eyes may have wandered a little below the waist as Rachel walked in front of her...but who could blame her? Rachel had always had very nice..._assets _and now that there were no little eyes and hands distracting her she couldn't help herself. And it wasn't a leer...just a little looksie. Nothing scandalous.

She pulled a cushion to set on her lap, copying Rachel's movements as she began to dig into the pasta, shoving a big forkful into her mouth with a small appreciative moan. Really, she should have known better and eaten a little more elegantly. But she was _really _hungry and Rachel's pasta had always been the best (for egg free pasta anyways). And, of course, right when her mouth was full and she had a noodle hanging out of her mouth was when Rachel would thank her. Actually thank her for being there for Elizabeth. And for Rachel apparently. Quinn swallowed the mouthful quickly, grimacing a little as the unchewed food struggled down her throat.

"Don't thank me," Quinn said hoarsely, shaking her head, "I just...did what I was supposed to be doing. What I should have been doing these past three years." Quinn blushed a little and shrugged a shoulder, hoping she didn't offend Rachel. Or trigger something that would make her snap at her. She was trying to be honest but it was so hard to choose her words when she was afraid of something coming out wrong. That was always the ironic thing about Quinn's brain. She was a writer. She could write things eloquently and express emotions in her stories. But out loud...when it was _personal_ she was always a klutz. Sometimes she would start to say something then stop mid-sentence, mentally editing it in hopes of it making more sense. Or sometimes her brain had this annoying habit of moving faster then her mouth could and she would end up rambling and tripping over her words, sometimes omitting them completely. All of this was much to the chagrin of her father who insisted his son have perfect orator skills. She would always get in trouble for stuttering in excitement or fumbling over her words. That's why for the most part, Quinn would stay in her own head, working through things mentally so her sentences were complete before she let them out.

Before Quinn would never have to worry about these things around Rachel. If she saw Quinn living in her head she would coax her out, encouraging her rambles and her less then graceful sentences. Sometimes she would even help Quinn work through her thoughts, sorting them and organizing them with her. But now everything was so strained between them. She couldn't risk Rachel misinterpreting the meaning behind something she said.

Quinn beamed in pride when Rachel said that Elizabeth liked her. She had never really _really _been around children before so she was glad whatever maternal instinct she had kicked in when she was around Elizabeth. She just did what felt right. And apparently she was on the right path if Rachel was actually complimenting her on it.

Her fork clattered into her bowl as a result of her dropping it in shock when Rachel said that she...she _missed _her. Emotions clogged Quinn's chest as she listened to Rachel talk, afraid to say anything in case she interrupted one of Rachel's thoughts. And god forbid she miss anything she was saying at this moment. She tried her hardest not to cry, taking a moment to collect herself and clear her throat before she spoke. "I missed you too," she croaked, her eyes glued to Rachel's face for any sort of reaction, "I...every day of my life I wish I would have stayed." She swirled the remaining pasta around in her bowl a little, fighting off tears before she looked over at Rachel. "Leaving is the biggest regret of my life. I- t-there isn't a day I don't think about it."

She paused before answering the next part, wondering how honest of an answer Rachel was looking for. She didn't want to scare her by saying she was still in love with her. Too soon. She didn't think she would ever be able to say that. Rachel had clearly moved on and Quinn was stuck in the past, pining. "I would have never broken up with you," Quinn whispered, ruffling her hair nervously, "I was g-going to propose." Quinn's eyes remained glued to the pasta swirling in her bowl and she shrugged, trying to play off the weight of the moment.

"I-if I could go back and change everything...I would. The selfish part of me would give anything to be able go back and to stay with you and watch Elizabeth grow up. To hold her as a baby...but a-at the same time, I still have this voice in my head that says you were better off without me. You raised Elizabeth by yourself and she's the most amazing little girl in the world, Rachel! She's perfect and maybe I would have messed that up." And that voice sounded an awful lot like her father. All the horrible things he said when he found out Rachel was pregnant. And a scared, insecure Quinn believing him. Like an idiot. "I'm sorry for leaving," she said barely above a whisper, "I was an idiot for leaving you. For leaving _her_. No matter what I do I'll never be able to make up for it but...I want to try. And as much as you'll let me. I want to be there for her. For you."

Quinn let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding and looked over at Rachel, stray pieces of hair framing her face and making her look impossibly beautiful. Yeah, she was an idiot. She could have had a great life with Rachel and her perfect little girl and she sabotaged herself. Chewing on her lip, she waited for Rachel's reply, fearing the worst.

* * *

Rachel worried when she first heard Quinn's cutlery clatter in her bowl in reaction to her confession that she missed Quinn. But when Quinn started speaking, she understood. Those were Quinn's nerves surfacing. Her jittery hands just dropping the fork.

Rachel didn't know if she was happy that Quinn missed her or not, but… but yeah. Yeah. She was at least glad that Quinn wasn't totally indifferent to their separation. But then Quinn mentioned _proposing_ and that felt like a bullet to the chest if ever there was one. Rachel couldn't breathe. "Oh my god." she whispered, her heart breaking all over again, like there was even anything left to break. Her mind raced to how things might have been had they not broken up. She looked down to her left hand, the ringless finger looking back at her. It was mere seconds before Rachel had herself convinced that having a ring there would make everything in her life better, as long as Quinn had given it to her. Waking up would be like a scene from a movie, with sunlight filtering in and glittering off of the diamond. Wedding pictures would sit beside her bed. Elizabeth would be Elizabeth Berry-Fabray, or maybe just Fabray, or maybe still just Berry, but maybe she'd have two Berry moms.

Quinn could have been her wife.

Quinn kept speaking like this new revelation was no big deal. She started talking about Elizabeth, and Rachel rubbed her at her eyes, leaning to place her bowl on the floor where she'd probably leave it until morning, and then be thoroughly disgusted with herself for being so lazy when she saw it again. But listening to Russell Fabray's words pour out of Quinn Fabray's mouth, she found that she had little energy for anything at all. Jesus.

"Maybe." Rachel shrugged. It was mean, because realistically, she knew Quinn could have been a great parent. But when she let herself be swayed by her parents like that, it bothered Rachel. Especially when that weakness cost Elizabeth a parent. A few years ago, yeah, Rachel would have sat there and helped Quinn work through it, coax her out of what had been drilled into her. But now Quinn wasn't her priority, Elizabeth was. And the fact that Elizabeth wasn't Quinn's priority, her parent's approval was, seemed selfish to Rachel.

"But maybe you could have made her better as well. Made her more like you." Rachel shrugged a shoulder, looking down at her hands on top of the cushion. "Given her someone to eat those awful ice creams with, someone who would write her new fairy tales." Rachel swallowed hard. They were talking like grown ups. Wow. "You couldn't have messed her up really. She's perfect. She's… god, Quinn, you don't even know how perfect she is." Rachel's heart swelled at just the thought of the curly haired little girl. "But she deserves a real family. Not just me." Rachel hated admitting it, because she _had_ to be enough for Elizabeth, there wasn't another option. But the reality of it was that she deserved a lot more. She deserved two incomes contributing to what would pay for her education in the future, someone who would be there when Rachel had to work, she deserved a _family._ Not just a Rachel.

She listened to Quinn carry on with her regrets and how she wanted to try again. Rachel realized that she might actually be asking for another chance, for real. And what was Rachel supposed to say to that? Well, there was only one realistic response…

"You were really going to propose to me?" Yeah, she wasn't over that. She probably wouldn't be for a long time yet. "I…" she stammered over her words and thoughts all at once, having to stop, sigh, and look up to Quinn. "I would have said yes." she said helplessly, because she didn't know what else she could say. She held onto her knees, suddenly feeling far more vulnerable than she did five minutes ago. "I don't really know how much you can be involved with Elizabeth. I mean, what do I do? Do I tell her now that you're her mom and just hope you stay, and risk breaking her heart if your dad says something mean again and you bolt? Or do I tell her nothing and let her grow up with you, and then tell her when she's old enough to be mad at me for not telling her sooner?" Quinn put her in an awful situation. "Don't get me wrong, Q, I desperately wanted you to be a mom to her. I wanted a family with you. But we aren't this young couple high on puppy love anymore, I've got to put her first." Rachel told Quinn this matter-of-factly. She didn't expect a solution, but it was what it was. Rachel couldn't just say yes or no right now, and she couldn't romanticize the situation, make it like a scene out of a romcom where everything turns out okay. Not when the heart at stake was her daughter's, and the reality of it was that Quinn was obviously still plagued by what her parents thought of her.

Rachel never understood it. Why did they care so much? So okay, what Quinn had in her underpants didn't match what she had in her bra. So what? Did it really matter that much? Quinn had a shot at a normal life, which was exactly what they wanted, wasn't it? So why had they been so intent on ruining that? And more importantly, why had Quinn let them, and would she do it again?

* * *

Quinn listened to Rachel talk about how Elizabeth could have been like her and laughed humorlessly. "I'm a coward, Rachel. A stupid coward. The last thing you'd want is for Elizabeth to be like me," Quinn bit her tongue to prevent her words of self loathing from coming out. She had already said too much. She wanted to be apart of their lives and pointing out her flaws wasn't going to convince Rachel she should be part of their lives.

She would have said yes...they could have been a family. A real family. With rings and matching names and family Christmas cards...just the thought made her whole chest hurt. What had she done? One moment of weakness and she ruined her whole life. Why did she choose that one time to listened to the man she despised? When she left for Yale, she told herself that the only function her parents had in her life was to help put her through college. Nothing else. They had spent their whole lives trying to control her and it obviously didn't work. She refused to get the surgery to make her a boy like her father wanted and she refused to _be _a boy. So there she was, the second daughter they never wanted. Quinn tried her hardest to be the perfect daughter since she couldn't be the perfect son. Straight A's, captain of the Cheerios, president of the Celibacy Club, going to Yale...everything her father wanted. But it still wasn't enough.

It had gotten to the point where Quinn gave up. She would never be who her father wanted her to be. She was the family disappointment and she was okay with that because she didn't really want to be apart of that family anyways. Plus, she had Rachel. A girl she desperately wanted to start a family with. It was all planned out in her head: Quinn would propose and if (when) Rachel said yes, they were going to get married in Central Park in the fall. After graduation of course. They would move to the city and Quinn would work, supporting Rachel as she tried to break into Broadway. Then, after Rachel had received her first Tony they would talk about having a child. But then one night...one night of weakness and love and stupidity on her part led to a unplanned baby.

Maybe it was dumb for Quinn to think that her father would be happy for her. Actually, no, it was dumb. But an over excited Quinn wanted, no _needed, _to tell everyone. She even told the barista at the coffee shop who looked really confused that she was excited her _girlfriend_ was pregnant. But whatever. Then her father had to bring up her condition. What were they going to tell people? What were they going to tell the baby?

Quinn shook her head and scooted closer to Rachel on the couch. "I will _never _leave again," Quinn said softly, "Never. I haven't even spoken to my father since the Christmas after I found out you were pregnant. Even then I just yelled at him for all the shit he put me through. I was drunk and angry and I just...lashed out. I'm not proud of it but...I hate him for convincing me to give you up. Even more than I hate him for all he put me through growing up. I promise you, I won't bolt." In a fit of desperation, Quinn sank to her knees in front of Rachel and covered her hands with her own. "Rachel, I promise you, with all my heart, I will never ever leave you or Elizabeth again. I swear on my life."

She shut her eyes and stammered out, "And it wasn't just puppy love, Rachel. It was never just that. Y-you're _it _for me and I know it doesn't matter anymore-" Quinn stopped herself, face beet red. She had already said too much, "I'm sorry. I overstepped. Forget I even said that. I just...I just need you to know if you let me into Elizabeth's life...I'm in it for the long haul. This isn't a game for me, this is it."

She looked down at their hands, and stroked Rachel's knuckles softly with her thumbs. "Please, just...let me prove I can be a mother."

* * *

At the mention of Quinn being drunk, Rachel absently wished _she_ was drunk right then. She was braver then (as shamefully evidenced by that one fateful night where she, ahem, revealed her true feelings to Quinn.) It would give her an excuse to do something crazy, throw caution to the wind for the night and possibly just… rewind the last three years. But she wasn't drunk, and if she did anything that reckless then she'd have to deal with the consequences, probably even explain herself like an adult.

Rachel sighed. Quinn got to her knees. Rachel felt worse. How was it fair that she felt so guilty? She had done everything to the absolute best of abilities, never let anyone down. But when Quinn looked at her like that, with such an unguarded expression and big, watery eyes promising her things, begging her to believe them… Rachel had to wonder if she was still doing the right thing. Did Quinn deserve another chance, at least with Elizabeth if not herself? Because she was on her _knees,_ vowing not to leave, telling Rachel that she was _it_.

Rachel's hands left Quinn's to smooth away blonde hair from her face, to retrace her cheeks and cup her jaw again. If she had been drunk and brave and excused from responsibility, she might have leaned down and kissed those sad lips, still so ridiculously pretty and pink. But as it were, she leaned just enough to press a soft kiss to Quinn's forehead, giving no explanation for it. She wouldn't have been able to explain herself even if she tried.

It was all too real with Quinn down there on the floor, next to an empty bowl of pasta in Rachel's apartment. It was really happening, in real life, where things weren't picture perfect, they were just normal. Quinn was actually a part of Rachel's real life again. Not just a crisis, not a break up, not a memory, not a hope. She was sitting in Rachel's living room, next to a bowl. It was finally sinking in. Quinn was here. For real.

It was all she could do to scrabble for the scattered parts of her mind and drag herself back in enough to answer without throwing herself at the girl. "Um…" she tucked away a piece of her own hair. "I'm okay with you being a bigger part of her life for now." Her hand had a life of its own as it wound its way back to Quinn's hair again, her fingers idly fiddling with strands of blonde like they were shy high schoolers who were just dating. Then back to her cheek, cupping her face as her dark eyes gazed imploringly, needing her to understand. "But you've been in her life for less than two days. I need time before I tell her you're her other mom. Just give it a little while, and if everything's still good, we'll think about telling her." Rachel hoped that was enough for Quinn for now. It was a good compromise with little demand for commitment on either end. Quinn wasn't obligated to stay. She wasn't obligated to leave. It was entirely her choice. Though Rachel couldn't deny, a part of her wanted Quinn not to go.

She hesitated for another moment, wondering just how much that particular part of her wanted, because for a little while, she contemplated asking the other girl to stay the night, for reasons she couldn't (or maybe just wouldn't) comprehend. But then she'd have to sleep on the couch, and that wouldn't be nice for her. Or worse, she'd have to sleep in Rachel's bed and it could be weird. "I'd invite you to stay, but…" she tried to justify it out loud, though it occurred the moment the words had left her lips that Quinn had never actually asked to stay in the first place, probably didn't even think about it. Her cheeks lit up. "You'd have to sleep in bed with me, or on the couch, and I don't think… you'd want to do that. Right?" Ugh. She wished she hadn't added that _"Right?" _at the end. She sounded unsure, no, worse, she sounded _hopeful. _Oh the embarrassment never ceased.

"I mean…" Rachel looked up at Quinn through her lashes. "You could. If you wanted. I have things you could wear." Was she really suggesting this? Could she blame it on exhaustion and having an overly emotional day if in the morning, she regretted making such a bold, and quite frankly reckless move. "It's getting late. Not safe for a girl on her own." Keep going, Rachel, why don't you sign your own death wish while you're at it. God, what an embarrassment she was. Just couldn't help herself. Her heart was greedy and neglected and Quinn was looking at her like she might still love her. And how bad was one night of cuddling anyways?

* * *

Quinn's chest hurt from how hard her heart was beating in her chest. Rachel's fingers gliding over her skin made a shiver run up her spine, her eyes fluttering closed to take in the sensation. It was like that one touch had jumpstarted something in her chest, something that made her feel jittery and...young. Like if it was her and Rachel and Elizabeth, they had all the time in the world. The soft press of Rachel's lips against her forehead elicited a small sigh from Quinn, her heart fluttering like a butterfly caught in a cage.

This was a dream right? She would wake up at any moment and she'd be in bed, her face buried in Dolly's long fur. Sputtering a little on the fur in her mouth she would roll away from the oaf of a dog who snored like a buzz saw and curl into herself just remembering she was alone. But she fluttered her eyes back open and there was Rachel, looking at her like she was trying to figure something out. Quinn absently rubbed her thumbs on Rachel's knees where her hands were still on the brunette's legs. Then Rachel's fingers were back in her hair and it took all she could not to lean into her touch. Though when she cupped her cheek, Quinn couldn't help but lean towards the hand a little. It was embarrassing how starved for human affection she was. But not just any human affection, she had plenty of opportunities to get that from other women who had unsuspectingly tried to walk in on Quinn's mess of a life. No, they weren't enough. She starved for Rachel's touch. Those soft delicate hands soothing her, her full lips that felt good well...anywhere really but mostly against her own, silky brown hair drifting between her fingers, the small tickle of Rachel's eyelashes against her neck...she craved it all. She had craved it all for so long that the simplest thing like cupping her cheek brought her unsurpassable amounts of joy. For once in three years she felt...well loved. Sure, Rachel may not feel romantically for her anymore, but she had to feel something. Even if it was mild caring it was enough for Quinn. It had to be.

Quinn nodded, swallowing thickly, "I know, I know. We have all the time in the world to tell her because I'm not leaving," a smile lit up Quinn's face like she had just been told she won the lottery. In her mind she had. Rachel was letting her be a part of Elizabeth's life with the promise of being her mother in the future. Officially. "Thank you so much," Quinn whispered tearfully. In a moment of delusional joy, Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel's waist and pulled her close so that her legs were on either side of Quinn's body, their torso's pressed together in a hug. Quinn's head nestled in Rachel's neck and she sniffled a little. Rachel smelled almost exactly like she remembered, just a little different. Not a bad different just a...different different. Another reminder that neither of them were the same as they were three years ago. Heartbreak and bitterness had changed both of them. It wasn't bad, it was just...life.

Blushing, Quinn pulled away and offered Rachel a watery smile. Wait, had Rachel just asked her to stay the night? Possibly in her bed? No. she couldn't have. Quinn's hopeful mind must have made it up somewhere. But Rachel was still talking about couches and stuff to sleep in and...did she seem...hopeful? Big brown eyes looking at her shyly broke all of Quinn's sense to say no. "Sure," she said nodding with a small smile, "I'd love to. A-and I can stay wherever, it's up to you." Quinn would have been happy sleeping on the floor if it came down to it. Because she would be spending the night with her daughter and Rachel. She would see them in the morning and maybe they would all have breakfast. It all seemed like a dream. She hoped Rachel would let her sleep in the same bed because then who would be to blame if they woke up tangled in each other? Clinging onto each other in their sleep like they _needed _the other. They would have been asleep, it'd be no one's fault. Quinn bit her lip and played with the seam of Rachel's pants, "I mean, if you don't mind."

They were so good at this. Both of them, together, touching each other like this. It almost scared Rachel, how natural it still felt to let her fingertips re-explore the details of that beautiful face, and how natural it felt for Quinn to lean into it. All they needed now was for Quinn to turn her head that little bit and kiss Rachel's palm like she used to, with her lips still smiling a little bit, and they could be three years ago. Rachel would say "You missed." and fake a pout. Quinn would apologize profusely and kiss her on the lips and Rachel would just _melt. _

The hug was a good enough alternative, for now. No, not for now, forever. Maybe. She didn't know. She didn't know anything when Quinn had her in such a strange position. Rachel's legs were either side of Quinn's body, which felt entirely unladylike, but the warm breath on her neck and Quinn's head nuzzled in close was enough for Rachel's heart to skip a beat or two and forget all about the less than graceful position. Her hands gripped at Quinn's clothes, returning the hug with force. She thought a million things at once. Stupid, senseless things like how no one else could wrap their arms around her waist the way Quinn could, just because she did it better. And then other things like how nice her shoulders felt when Rachel wrapped her arms around them.

It was heartbreaking. It was too nice. Too normal. Even three years later.

Rachel nodded her head when Quinn accepted the offer, standing up and shifting to the side so her, um… well, her crotch wasn't in Quinn's face, to put it bluntly, because jeez she was still on her knees, and wasn't that a throwback to when Rachel actually had a life. "Come on, let's go to the bedroom. We'll find something for you to sleep in." she led the way to the bedroom, feeling just a little bit shy… until she actually got into the room, that is, and that shyness skyrocketed to humiliation. "I haven't tidied up in a while." she admitted, blushing a bright pink as she quickly put a pair of blue panties in the hamper. They had a doughnut on the front. Jesus Christ, why Rachel? The hamper's like, right there, why leave them on the floor? She was _mortified._ Didn't that show just exactly how long it had been since she had someone home. "Sorry." she mumbled, embarrassed by letting Quinn into her lazy lifestyle. It wasn't always like this. Just on particularly busy weeks. A few pairs of socks went away too before she gave up on the room for the night.

Okay, pajamas. She quickly rummaged through her drawers, fishing out a big NYADA t-shirt and a pair of sleep shorts for Quinn, then handed the makeshift pajamas over and then found her own usual pajamas. Slouchy pants that hung low on her hips because they were several sizes too big, and a gray sweater. At least Quinn couldn't accuse her of trying to seduce her or anything.

With a shy smile, she made a small twirly motion with her fingers, silently telling Quinn to turn her back while Rachel changed into her comfy pajamas for the night. "I won't look." she promised. Although it put the thought into her head. Rachel could remember every inch of Quinn's body of course, she didn't even need to look.

"I'm turning around again, okay?" she warned when she was dressed again. When she heard no protest, she turned, finding the blonde dressed in her clothes. Oh. Rachel forgot about how much she liked this part. Rachel didn't let her gaze linger too long, her lips just quirking into a small smile as she got into her side of the bed. "Are you getting in?"

* * *

Getting up from her knees, Quinn followed Rachel into the bedroom shyly. Her hands were clasped together behind her back in a way that made it seem like she'd never been in a girl's room before. Which was ridiculous because this was Rachel whom she had shared a bed with more times than she could count. Yet here she was, acting like a nervous high schooler who had never even held hands with a girl, let alone shared a bed with her.

Rachel's blush and the way she was scurrying around the room to put stray items of clothing into the hamper was one of the most endearing things Quinn had seen. Lately anyways. Rachel did all kinds of endearing things but recently...this was probably her favorite. "It's nothing I haven't seen before, Rach," Quinn teased softly, blushing herself when she thought about exactly everything she had seen before in regards to the brunette. It was enough for her to be embarrassed for herself. "Don't apologize, you haven't seen my room yet. That's a disaster." An even darker shade of red settled over Quinn's features for several reasons. One for implying that Rachel would in fact be seeing her room someday and two because...well...her room really was a disaster. It was mostly Dolly's fault though. She insisted on moving all her toys from her toy bin to the bedroom every time Quinn was out of the apartment. And when she ran out of toys she moved to stray socks she found hidden in some dark corner of Quinn's apartment. It was inevitable.

The NYADA shirt Rachel handed Quinn reminded her too much of when they were happy and in love. Quinn would make it a point to try and slip into Rachel's clothes when they were at her place and visa versa. She actually still had one of Rachel's sweatshirts tucked away in her closet somewhere. Rachel had stolen one of Quinn's Yale sweatshirts, despite the fact that it was way too big for her, insisting that it was like a hug when Quinn was far away in another state and couldn't hold her. Quinn protested weakly but they both knew she would give in. She could never say no to Rachel.

Quinn noticed she must have been staring when Rachel motioned for her to turn around. Shit, did she think she was trying to watch her? "O-oh, sorry, I wasn't t-trying to- I was just-," Quinn tried to stutter out but instead, offered a defeated sigh and turned around. Well, crap, now all Quinn wanted to do was to look. To just...turn around and sneak a little peak. But just thinking about it reminded her of Puck and how he had a peep hole in the girl's bathroom. That made her gag a little so she just made quick work of pulling off her pants.

The real question was boxers or no boxers? Rachel's shorts were always a little too short for her and things tended to be more...pronounced. Before it had never really been a problem but that was...more than inappropriate. She couldn't risk things slipping out in the middle of the night. Nope, she'd go for boxers. The shorts ended at least three inches above the undergarments making her look absolutely ridiculous. Like, really? So she did the only thing she could think of and folded the legs of the boxers up a little so that they wouldn't be as noticeable under the sleep shorts. Satisfied, she pulled on the NYADA shirt just as Rachel announced she was turning around. She looked down at herself, making sure she was sufficiently covered. The shorts were a little tighter than she would have liked but it had to do.

When she turned around to look at Rachel she froze, her hand stopped in blonde locks, trying to smooth down her hair. Sweatpants and a sweater weren't going to be found on a model in a filthy magazine anytime soon, but Quinn was convinced it should be the way Rachel looked right now. The way they were low on her hips, exposing a bit of her midriff to Quinn's wandering eyes. Oh lord. Quinn could just feel her body heating up. She didn't even notice her jaw was hanging open until Rachel spoke and she snapped it closed.

"Wha-?" she blinked, "I mean. Um, yeah." She scrambled over to the opposite side of the bed and slid in carefully. She folded her arms on her chest, fingers drumming on her ribs as she stared up at the ceiling. This was the safest position to sleep in, she decided. Stiff on her back and balancing on the edge of the bed, giving Rachel plenty of space. Because she was in bed with Rachel...something she had only dreamed about for the past three years. In her dreams they were usually doing things other than sleeping but that was besides the point. Rachel scent overtook her and she felt like she was drowning in it. What a wonderful way to drown. " 'Night, Rach," Quinn said softly, chancing a small glance over at the other woman. She probably wouldn't even be able to sleep with Rachel in the same bed as her. But it would definitely be the best sleepless night she had in the last three years.

* * *

Rachel wasn't blind. When she looked at Quinn in those shorts, she could see… _shapes._ Because Rachel's shorts were clingy even on her, and she was pint-sized. Quinn had extra parts to fit into pint-sized shorts, and, well, Rachel had very good vision. She could see shapes. And it had been far too long since she had seen anyone's shapes. God, what was she even talking about? Rachel briefly entertained the notion that she could very well be having a breakdown of some sort, going mental or something, because she was laying in bed with her ex girlfriend, thinking about her legs and what was hidden beneath those shorts, and feeling her skin prickle with warmth.

But that wasn't so bad, right? Because Quinn had stared at her like she was thinking something similar, maybe. Twice. She stared dumbly when she saw Rachel in her pajamas— goodness only knows why, because Rachel felt like a foul beast in her slouchy pajamas, but Quinn's expression wasn't exactly a subtle one. She didn't pretend to understand it, but she knew what it meant, at least. So, really, Rachel figured she was allowed to stare as well.

She turned out the warm light beside her bed, plunging the room in bluish darkness. Even with the light out, the the outside world provided more than enough light through the window for Rachel to be able to see Quinn still. Light blue tinted the edges of her features and made her eyes sparkle a bit. Still so stunningly gorgeous. It was a wonder Rachel ever ended up with this girl at all. Rachel always said she was the stuff old Hollywood was made out of, whereas Rachel herself was more old New York. Somehow they still managed to fit together just right. Opposites are funny like that.

"Quinn," she whispered after about ten minutes of silence. The blonde was still in the same, tense position, with her arms crossed over her middle. Rachel herself was curled up on her side, facing the woman in her bed. "You're being weird." she informed quietly, but the words held no malice. She sounded more bewildered than anything else. Before Quinn could panic about exactly how she was being weird— because Quinn had a propensity for bypassing the obvious and less sinister answer, and panicking over everything else she might be doing wrong— Rachel shuffled herself in closer until she too was near the edge of the bed, sharing Quinn's pillow. "We've done this a million times before." she gently untangled Quinn's folded arms, replacing them with one of her own draping over Quinn's middle. "It's okay." she assured softly. Her position was almost protective.

What Rachel was doing was completely unfair, and she knew it even then. In the morning, she would panic about exactly how close she and Quinn had managed to get in the space of an evening. She'd agonize over every little detail, trying to figure out what it all meant and why she had been so bold. And then, because she'd be afraid again, she'd avoid Quinn as best she could. It was unfair and selfish, and Rachel knew it. But it didn't stop her from sliding her hand under Quinn's shirt innocently, to sleep with that hand splayed on her stomach like she used to sometimes, and her head propped on Quinn's shoulder. She was selfish and she'd hate herself when the guilt came rolling in, but for now, she just wanted to enjoy it. Leave the consequences for later.

"There's this thing, where apparently if someone is nervous by nature, just always anxious or something, someone with a calm heart can hug them, and the nervous person's heart will relax too." Rachel's eyes were closed by now, and her words were soft and almost sleepy. "I don't know how true it is. You can tell me in the morning." because Rachel's heart was purring right now, and Quinn was such a worrier, always so shy and nervous and unsure of herself. Maybe this magical hug thing would make her heart sleep well for the night. Maybe it was arrogant to think that her own hug was that magical, but she wanted it to be. "Night, Quinn." she finally whispered.

* * *

Panic instantly flew through Quinn when Rachel said she was being weird. Could she tell she was trying really hard not to stare? Or she felt like she had to physically restrain herself from pulling Rachel into her arms and cuddling her? Leave it to Quinn to mess everything up just as Rachel was starting to trust her. Her heart beat wildly and mind raced as she tried to figure out what she did wrong. Her brow crinkled a little in confusion when Rachel began to pull her arms away from her body, instead replacing them with one of her own.

Rachel was cuddling her? Rachel was cuddling her. And it was nice. She breathed out a little, jumping when Rachel's cold hand settled under her shirt, cooling her overheated skin. So now Rachel's hand was in her shirt...apparently this was something that they did now. She swallowed thickly, trying to quell the excitement growing in her because _Rachel's hand was under her shirt._ Who could blame her really? But she let herself relax into Rachel's arm, letting out a long sigh. She felt...safe. It was a weird feeling. Really it was one of those feelings that you didn't realize you were missing until you feel it. And boy did Quinn feel it. She was used to being the protector, she had always assumed that role. Especially in her relationship with Rachel. So feeling like she was being protected by the brunette...yeah. That was nice.

Maybe it was the sudden feeling of security or maybe it was Rachel's scent or maybe it was the feeling of her hand on her stomach but most likely it was her mind delirious from exhaustion and drunk on human affection that made Quinn brave. If Rachel wanted to cuddle then damn straight they were going to cuddle. She was going to mild this for all it was worth. Smiling softly, she settled back into the pillow before turning on her side to face Rachel. She pulled her close so that her head was tucked under Quinn's chin and she tangled their legs together instinctively. One hand slipped up the back of Rachel's shirt, stroking the skin along her spine gently while the other pet brunette locks. "Goodnight," Quinn said burying her nose into the top of Rachel's head, kissing her head lightly.

If she had thought about it, she would have kept as much distance from their bodies as possible in case she woke up a little um...excited. It was almost inevitable being so close to the only girl she thought about holding or kissing (besides maybe Olivia Wilde but she didn't count). But hopefully for her, this would just be the most relaxing night sleep she had ever gotten and her mind wouldn't have the energy to think dirty thoughts in her subconscious. Either way Rachel felt and smelled so good. There was definitely going to be a permanent smile on her face tonight.


	8. The Publishing Party, pt1

_AN: First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for their great reviews and for being awesome and favoriting and following this story. Second, I want to address some concerns that came up. A few people are saying they have a problem following the flow of the story and how it's set up, requesting I format this like a typical fic. Although I understand the confusion and know how much easier that would be, this is an RP. Me going through and formatting it like a story would mess with the integrity of the other author's work and I don't want to do that. I'm sorry, I hope following along isn't too difficult. Thanks!_

* * *

**Quinn:**

After two years of writing and rewriting and editing and more writing and rewriting...Quinn was finally getting published. Sure it was just two hundred copies through her companies small independent publisher but still. She was getting _published_. The one goal she had dreamed about in her career. It was almost too good to be true. Quinn had to take a step back and look at her life because everything seemed to be happening at once. Rachel was back in her life, she was finally apart of her daughter's life and now she was getting published. It almost made her suspicious of what horrible tragedy would fall on her soon because no one had this much luck at once.

Either way, the company was having a little congratulations party for her and a couple other people that were getting published. And as much as Quinn hated the attention all on her these days...she was excited. She was especially excited that Rachel had agreed to come with her as her date. Er, no. Not date. Guest? Person? Whatever it didn't matter, Rachel was coming with her. That's all that mattered. She would finally get the chance to show Rachel that she was a real adult with a real career. This was just the beginning (hopefully). She was proud to be able to show this to Rachel. To be able to share it with her. Just a little while ago Quinn would have had no one to share this with. Maybe Santana but she would just embarrass her by trying to pawn her off to her coworkers and then things at work would be awkward for a while. Like the last time she took Santana to a company party...bad memories.

Quinn was snapped from her thoughts when the cab stopped in front of Rachel's building and he looked at her expectantly. She nodded and got out, telling him to wait as she straightened her shirt. She walked past the doorman with a sheepish smile, remembering all too well their first encounter where she literally shoved past him. He just stared blankly at her as she wandered into the building and into the elevator. She pushed the button for the eighth floor and watched the light illuminated each floor as the elevator rose higher. Nerves grew with each little ping indicating they were passing another floor.

She almost felt like she was going to hurl, which was definitely not attractive. But she couldn't help it! She was going on a kinda-sorta-not-really-but-kinda-pseudo-is date with Rachel. This would be the first time she was going out with just Rachel. No Elizabeth. And things between them had been questionable. Only because of the cuddling...Quinn definitely enjoyed the cuddling and had been hoping for some kind of repeat performance but there was no luck so far. Until now, Rachel and Quinn existed in a world that revolved entirely around Elizabeth. They were in their own little universe and nothing else really mattered. But now Quinn was bringing Rachel into her world...and it was terrifying. The elevator doors finally opened and Quinn stepped out, walking towards Rachel's door slowly.

Standing in front of the familiar door, she patted down her hair and straightened her button up shirt, making sure she was presentable before she knocked. Taking a deep breath, Quinn raised her fist and knocked lightly on the door, placing her hands behind her back and rocking a little on her toes. When the door opened an automatic shy smile lit up Quinn's face and she greeted softly, "Hey."

**Rachel:**

Rachel was truly dressed to the nines. She was actually pretty darn proud of herself. Nothing too showy, no glitter in sight (a rarity for Rachel Berry) but she had made an effort. Maybe just enough to impress Quinn. Maybe. She wasn't acknowledging that part though, because that wasn't just pathetic, it was really just stupid. …But still, Quinn would hopefully (yes, hopefully, shut _up_) acknowledge Rachel's efforts. She had made sure to reveal a fair bit of leg, because they were really her best assets, and okay, yeah, she knew Quinn liked them. The dress itself was a simple black affair, hopefully hitting the balance between too much and not enough. Most importantly, she was hoping it made up for the night she had spent in her "ugly pajamas" as they had been dubbed. Things she shuffled around the apartment in on her ugly days.

She was just about ready to go, running fingers through her sleek hair to make sure it was smoothed out enough, when she heard the knock at her door. The babysitter looked up with curiosity at Rachel's pink cheeks, but she dismissed it, walking over to the door to meet her not-date-but-probably-something. After that one night of… _cuddling,_ Rachel wasn't sure what their relationship was anymore. It had been nice, hadn't it? Hands on skin and bodies tangled up together, and Quinn wrapped up in Rachel's world. But that was wrong, at least to Rachel. Wrong because they weren't young and naive anymore, they were adults who had to deal with the reality of their situation. She couldn't let herself just fall into bed and cuddle! At least, that's what she kept telling herself. It didn't stop her from slipping into a pair of heels that made her legs look just that much better, though, did it? Really, she was just dying for Quinn's attention. She just wouldn't dare admit it to herself.

"Hey you." she greeted, returning Quinn's shy smile once the door was open. "I'm almost ready, I just have to say goodbye to Elizabeth." she left the door open, allowing Quinn to come in while she quickly made her way back to where her daughter was playing happily with Jenny, her teenage neighbor.

She bent as gracefully as possible to drop a quick kiss to her little girl's fluffy hair, reciting her usual "You have my number if you need me, and if you can't find it I've left it on the fridge as well." She didn't mention to Quinn that she had written down both her own and Quinn's numbers down, just in case. "Money's on the table if you want to order yourself anything, and uh… you have the wifi thingy…"

"It'll be fine, Rachel." the young girl assured with a small smirk in Quinn's direction. "Go have fun." Rachel nodded as she was shooed away by a girl far more mature than herself, clearly. But she always struggled to leave Elizabeth, always convinced some tragedy would occur the moment she wasn't available. And maybe a small part of her was nervous to go to this work thing like she was Quinn's other half or something. Gosh.

"Okay. Bye, Jen. Sweet dreams, Jellybean." she blew the little girl a kiss, and finally picked up her purse to leave with her… not-quite-date. It wasn't a date. Rachel was just her plus one. Right? Right! Of course.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Rachel took a breath and finally accepted that she was going out. A grown up night out with no screaming children to watch out for. With new eyes, she took in Quinn's appearance, smiling shyly again. "So, Miss Big Shot Author." Rachel grinned as they made their way down to the taxi. Slowly but surely, she was slipping into her role as a young woman in her mid-twenties, leaving the mom role at home. "You're taking little ol' me to your big publishing party? I'm flattered." she was just kidding around, of course, but there was some truth to it. A small part of her was glad Quinn picked her. A huge part of her was just achingly curious to read Quinn's book. Of course, she didn't ask outright about it. She already planned to get a friend to buy it for her secretly, so she could privately lose herself in whatever story existed in that creative mind of Quinn's. Then Rachel could dissect at leisure, and probably drive herself mad in the process, but oh she was still looking forward to it.

They got to the taxi, and off they went in the direction of Quinn's work. New nerves hit. They never ended, really. Just as she conquered her fear of going to this thing as Quinn's plus one, she grew nervous of the kind of impression she'd make. Self-consciously, she smoothed her dress down. "Do I look okay for this thing?" she began doubting herself. "I wasn't really sure what to wear."

**Quinn:**

Quinn felt her breath hitch in her throat as soon as she laid eyes on Rachel. She was breathtaking. As usual. But with that dress hugging her just right...damn. Quinn was surprised she was still breathing. Oh wait, she just saw the legs. Definitely not breathing anymore. Nope. She was dead. Which was a humiliating way to die because who wanted to keel over in their ex's doorway because they were completely knocked out by their body? No one. That's who.

"Hey," she croaked after Rachel's greeting. Oh, wait, she already said 'hey'. She was so distracted she wasn't even thinking, "Y-you look wonderful." Wonderful? Did anyone say that anymore? Her smile widened to one of embarrassment and she stepped into the apartment as Rachel turned around. Quinn sank to the floor in front of Elizabeth and tapped the little girl's cast that was decorated with what she assumed were signatures of other three year-olds. "Look at you, big girl, your cast is so cool now!"

The little girl smiled up at her proudly and Quinn reluctantly got up after Rachel, doing her best to usher her out of the apartment. She offered the baby sitter a small wave noticing she seemed smug about something. Maybe she thought they were on a date. Just the thought set a small thrill through Quinn but and secretly wondered if Rachel had researched the girl before letting her spend the night with their baby girl. What if she was crazy? Or had other teenagers over? Or boys? Quinn pulled at her collar and decided to stop filling her mind with crazy things. Rachel probably hired a private investigator to check out the girl before she let her stay with Elizabeth.

Quinn didn't know where to put her hands. She wanted to reach out and take Rachel's hand but that probably wouldn't be the best thing so Quinn stuffed her hands in her pockets instead. Quinn blushed at Rachel's teasing and bumped their shoulders lightly, "Oh, come on. Like I could find someone better. I'm surprised you're even gracing me with your presence, Ms. Berry."

She held the door of the taxi open for Rachel, guiding her into the taxi before sliding in herself. Quinn rubbed her palms on the top of her thighs, trying to get rid of some of the nervous sweat. Rachel was anxiously straightening out her dress and Quinn smiled softly, taking the brunette's hand away from her dress and squeezing it soothingly. "You look beautiful, Rachel," Quinn reassured quietly, "Trust me." Quinn noticed she was still holding Rachel's hand and pulled away with a small blush. What a great, awkward way to start off the date. No! Not date...night. Night...she meant night.

They finally pulled up to Quinn's office building and she practically leaped out of the car to run to the other side so she could open the door for Rachel. What? It was a nice gesture. After all she was taking the night to be with Quinn. It was kind of a big deal. They walked into the building, a set of nerves instantly settling on Quinn. "This, um...is where I work. Well, not r-really I'm another twelve flights up I j-just this is the building. There's other offices here too I j-just," Quinn mashed her lips together between her teeth to stop herself from talking and guided Rachel into the elevator. As they ascended to her floor, Quinn took another moment to look at Rachel. "You really do look beautiful," she said shyly, "N-not that you don't always look beautiful. Just e-especially tonight."

Cursing herself, Quinn looked down at her shoes just as the elevator opened. She took a deep breath and walked Rachel out of the elevator, instinctively putting a protective hand on her lower back. She nodded a hello at a few of her coworkers who were eyeing Rachel curiously before ushering her not-date to a quieter corner. "Can I get you something to drink?" Quinn asked Rachel, stepping a little closer to her so that she could hear her over the sound of the talking and soft music playing, "They have champagne and wine."

**Rachel:**

Mission accomplished. Quinn definitely liked how she looked. Her cheeks warmed under the appreciative gaze, but she thanked Quinn quietly anyway, giving her hand a light squeeze back. Part of her was still panicking about this, the way they touched each other. If she stayed still long enough to think deeply about what she was doing, she would have slapped herself back into reality. But it was so easy to want this. The touches, the smiles, the nights spent cuddling in bed, and… well, everything else that comes with it.

They made their way inside, and Rachel tried not to giggle at Quinn's nervous babbling, though it was sweet. Aaaand then she tried not to blush when that turned into a nervous compliment again. "You look beautiful too." she said quietly, reaching up to smooth down her hair a little bit. Then with a ping, they were at Quinn's floor, and Rachel felt a hand on the small of her back, guiding her into the gathering of people. Whoops, butterflies.

Eyes were on them, some curious and some just downright glaring, but Rachel slapped on her show smile and took no notice of them. "Wine would be lovely. Red, if they have it." she sent Quinn a grateful smile with a silent "Thanks" mouthed just before she left. Then Rachel was alone in that corner, with eyes on her and lips murmuring curiously about who she was. Most importantly though, she noticed a twosome split up, and one girl headed straight for Quinn. The other landed in front of Rachel.

"Hi, I'm Kelly." she held out a hand with an overly friendly smile. Rachel took it with a polite smile, though her attention was entirely on Quinn and that girl who just flirtatiously put a hand on Quinn's hip as she leaned forward to reach the champagne. "Are you Quinn's date? Or just her plus one?" and wasn't that just the million dollar question.

Rachel turned her attention fully to the girl in front of her. "Um. Wow, you get straight to the point." Kelly didn't seem put off by it. Rachel did, but she feared she was faced with a difficult decision here. Kelly and whoever that girl was by Quinn obviously had a little team thing going on, and if Rachel said the wrong thing, it would undoubtedly get back to the other girl, who would probably pounce on her blonde.

The. _The_ blonde. Not hers. And really, should it matter if she pounced anyway? It's not like Rachel had any claim on her. But it's just common courtesy, right? To not pick up other girls' dates, and for said date not to go with another girl. Rachel wasn't being unreasonable at all. She looked back to Kelly again. "Would you excuse me?" she was probably making a bad impression already, but she just hoped to the heavens that neither of these girls were Quinn's boss. Then, giving her hair some oomph, she swanned over there with an air of confidence. Her fingers skimmed Quinn's arm lightly, just letting her know she was there.

"Hey you." she took the glass of red wine Quinn had been holding for the entire time she had been kept captive (willingly or not, Rachel wasn't sure yet) It was such a _coupley_ move. "I wondered where you got to." Not true, she had been watching the entire time. Sure, it may sound creepy, but Rachel wasn't particularly worried about that. She took a sip— oh, how that was needed— and then looked at Quinn's pretty coworker, deciding to introduce herself. "Hi, I'm Rachel." she didn't hold a hand out for her. She didn't really even want to know her name. What she wanted was to share a few drinks with Quinn and…

Well, let's not go there, because what she wanted sounded suspiciously like a real date. Just the two of them, some drinks, some laughs, possibly some low light. But no, no they weren't going there. Rachel took another sip of her drink and glanced between the other two women, her mind racing. Had they dated before? Kissed? Oh god, had they slept together? Did Quinn like her? This girl obviously liked Quinn.

Oh Barbra, what if Rachel was just the wingman tonight.

She shuffled a little closer to Quinn, just to see how Quinn might react. She was curious, and desperate to know if she was a date or a wingman or just a friend or _what. _And surely, it wasn't bad to test Quinn a little bit, just to see if she could figure out what the new author wanted from her…

**Quinn:**

Just as Quinn picked up their glasses and was headed back to Rachel, she was stopped by her coworker stepping in front of her. "Oh, hey, Jackie," Quinn said with a small smile. She wasn't particularly fond of the woman but she was nice enough. Sometimes she would sit in Quinn's office and ask her imploring questions she didn't appreciate and the woman always seemed to feel the need to touch her but Quinn figured she was just a tactile person.

"Hey, Quinn," Jackie repeated, stepping a bit closer, "What took you so long to get here? I've been waiting for you." Quinn shrugged and happened a glance over to Rachel who was...talking to Kelly? Jackie's glance followed Quinn's and something in her demeanor changed. "Oh, who's that? She's pretty," her smile fell and she raised an eyebrow at the blonde. Before Quinn could answer, the other woman leaned forward, her hand on Quinn's hip as she reached for a glass of something. Quinn shifted uncomfortably under her touch but Jackie didn't seem to notice.

"I um," Quinn blinked a little and tried to think. How was she going to introduce Rachel? Her friend? Her date? The mother of her child? The last one would probably raise more questions than she wanted to answer right now. Thankfully she didn't have to answer because Rachel came up to them. Not that she would have been able to answer anyways because her mind went foggy when Rachel's hand went along her arm like that. It was nice if not reminiscent of the days when this would be the part where Quinn would joke she missed Rachel for being away so long even though it had only been a few minutes and then she'd lean down for a kiss. But those weren't those days so Quinn just handed Rachel her drink.

Quinn smiled down at Rachel, "Sorry, I was talking to my friend Jackie." The other woman smiled at Rachel almost too sweetly, "Pleasure." She turned right back to Quinn, her smile changing, "I was just telling Quinnie here how adorable she looked." She reached up and tugged a little on Quinn's collar who blushed briefly and looked back at Rachel. The brunette seemed to be moving closer to Quinn so she put a hand on the small of her back (she decided that was safe territory for the night) and instinctively moving closer as well.

Looking at Rachel, there was something familiar about that look in her eye and her posture that Quinn couldn't quite pinpoint. She look a sip of her champagne just as Jackie asked, "So, Rachel, does Quinn where those cute little boxers all the time? Or what?"

Quinn chocked on her champagne, snorting some back into the glass. She clutched the bridge of her nose to try and get the burning to go away. Snorting champagne through your nose wasn't the best idea. But why would Jackie even ask that? Who asks that? Actually, no, Jackie would ask that. But at a party? To her date? Wait, not date. Kinda date. Either way, who asks that? Oh god, what if Rachel thought they slept together based on that question? That would be awful. But Jackie was looking smug about something and Quinn leaned down to say quietly in Rachel's ear. "At a company fundraiser walk thing I fell and Dolly dragged me a little so my shorts came down a little."

Quinn blushed because, really, it was an embarrassing story. One she never wanted to tell ever again. Her face was on fire and she took another long sip of her champagne. "Oh, you poor thing, you're blushing," Jackie said putting a hand on Quinn's cheek. She turned to look at Rachel, her hand still on Quinn, "I feel so bad. I'm always making her blush. Isn't that right, Quinn?"

She wasn't going to justify that with an answer. Instead Quinn's hand slipped to Rachel's hip (whoops, too intimate) and up to her waist, pulling her a little closer. "We're going to go um, make the rounds," Quinn said politely, setting down her now empty glass and reaching for another. Because really, why not. "Oh, of course, I forgot you're a big author now," Jackie said winking at Quinn, "There's nothing sexier than that. Intelligent women turn me on. But Quinn already knows that."

Quinn's grip tightened briefly on Rachel's waist, "See you later, Jackie," Quinn said before turning away, moving Rachel with her. She let out a long breath, "I'm sorry, Rach. She's kinda...a lot."

**Rachel:**

Rachel didn't like this girl at all. She straightened, but with her height, she didn't impose much of a threat. Ugh. How dare she call Quinn adorable? "She's definitely a cutie." she agreed tensely as this Jackie girl adjusted Quinn's collar in a way that only Rachel should be doing. The only silver lining was that Quinn seemed to sense Rachel's distress and slide her hand soothingly to the small of her back. Or was that an unintentional coincidence? Either way, Rachel let a soft breath out and tried her hardest to relax.

Never mind. Relaxing definitely wasn't going to happen tonight. Rachel's jaw clenched, another tight smile winding onto her lips. Asking about Quinn's _boxers?_ Really? Well she was quite clearly staking her claim on Quinn. And Rachel didn't like it at all. After looking at Quinn with a raised eyebrow and an entirely unimpressed expression, she turned back to Jackie again. "Most of the time, she does, yeah." Rachel answered with forced confidence. After all, Rachel had a fair bit of experience with Quinn and her boxers. "You were wearing them the other day, weren't you?" she turned to Quinn again. "When you slept over?" Yeah, take that, Jackie. Rachel wasn't going down without a fight, even if she was so not amused by this whole thing. Okay, so she had no right. But wasn't she supposed to be _it_ for Quinn? Or was that nonsense?

She listened as Quinn quietly explained how Jackie knew about her particular preference in her underwear, like she could read Rachel's thoughts. It made her cheeks warm up, wondering just how transparent she was being. Well at least Quinn hadn't slept with her. It made Rachel feel a hundred times lighter. She even smiled a little bit at the story. It was so very Quinn, falling over clumsily. Momentarily forgetting Jackie's existence, she turned her head, ever so close to Quinn since she had been talking so close to her ear. Gosh, that wine had gone to her head. Had she finished that glass already? Probably, because the urge to tell Quinn how pretty she looked was suddenly all-consuming, and that was definitely a product of drinking quickly for the first time in a long while.

Oh seriously, Jackie, still here? Touching Quinn? Was she blind? Obviously Quinn was Rachel's. Jeez. "Maybe you should stop touching her so much then." Rachel muttered under her breath. Jackie seemed to take no notice, only really focused on a conversation between herself and Quinn. Thank god Quinn was telling her that they were going, because after that comment Rachel was ready to break out the claws. As Quinn steered her away, Rachel picked up another glass of red and let herself be taken away from Jackie, more than willingly. Honestly, talking about Quinn being a big author like she was _her_ big author. No.

Rachel took a brave step closer to Quinn. She was a lightweight, no secret there. Alcohol is terrible for the voice, so Rachel tended to stay away for months at a time, so the wine had gone straight to her head. She definitely wasn't drunk, but she was feeling bolder. "She likes you a lot." another step forward. She was looking up at Quinn from below her lashes. She used to look at Quinn the same way when she wanted to be whisked away to the bedroom. "Makes me feel kinda cool. Like I've got the hottest date in the room." she grinned impishly. "I'm a stud." she wiggled her eyebrows playfully, taking another sip (or glug) of wine before she bravely readjusted Quinn's collar, like she could do it better than any other girl ever could. She stole a glance sideways, smirking at Jackie. Oh, Quinn was so hers. Even if it was wrong to think that, and whatever else. Her fingers glided down from Quinn's elbow to her wrist, and down to her fingers. Not quite laced yet (yet?) but toying with them just a little.

**Quinn:**

Quinn couldn't help but smirk a little cockily as Rachel not so subtly tried to outdo Jackie. Was it arrogant for Quinn to say Rachel was jealous? That would imply that Rachel wanted Quinn in some way or at least felt some sort of claim on her. Quinn really didn't mind either one, but both were more than confusing. Rachel certainly never showed any interest in her as more than just a friend. A good friend that cuddled and touched more than normal but still a friend. And now she was getting jealous of a woman Quinn definitely never had any interest in. It was quite the ego boost to be honest.

And then when they walked away, god, Rachel was getting closer to her. She felt her mouth dry up a little and took another sip of champagne. Her smirk was still in place and she probably looked like a cocky jerk but...god Rachel was jealous and she was standing so close and - oh holy sweet gods above - she was looking at Quinn like _that_. Like she wanted Quinn to drag her into the bathroom and have her way with her. And god Quinn wanted too. But Rachel was on her second glass of wine and was probably being fueled by jealously so Quinn was taking everything with a grain of salt. Rachel was always pretty competitive. But damn it to hell she was going to take advantage of the situation. Not advantage of Rachel. Never. Just advantage of the situation. If Rachel wanted to be flirty and look at Quinn like she wanted to eat her (god not don't think about eating Rachel) the Quinn was going to give her a taste of her own medicine.

Rachel called Quinn her date. Fine. It was official. Rachel was Quinn's date. It made her heart flutter a little. Quinn stepped a little closer to Rachel and swirled a light patter into Rachel's palm with her fingers, "You definitely don't have the hottest date here. Because I have the hottest date. You have the second hottest. Maybe."

Her smirk widening, Quinn slowly laced her fingers with Rachel. The effect was one akin to being shocked in the heart, making it hurt and flutter all at the same time. Almost like it was going to burst. That's what it felt like. It felt _right_. Like they never should have stopped. Quinn leaned down so that their faces were closer and said lowly, "Which means _I'm _the stud. By the way," she squeezed Rachel's hand softly and leaned down even more so her mouth was just inches from Rachel's ear to whisper, "I'm cutting you off after this glass of wine, lightweight."

Quinn bit her lip and pulled away with a teasing smile on her face. "As much as I love how feisty you get when you're tipsy, I'm doing this for your own good. Now I want to show you off." She took a sip of her own drink and pulled Rachel towards her editor. "Hey, Conrad," Quinn said getting the man's attention, "This is Rachel. My date." Yep. She was definitely going to say that as often as possible. After all, Rachel said it first. "Rachel, Conrad, my editor."

"Oh, Rachel, nice to meet you. We're very proud of Quinn here," the man offered the brunette his hand and Quinn practically beamed. Conrad looked at Rachel in concentration for a moment, a small smile playing on his face before he looked back at the blonde. "Quinn, is this your Maria?"

Quinn felt her face heat up and she shook her head feverishly in a hopes that Conrad would stop talking. But of course he didn't get the hint. "In her book," he began turning to Rachel, "the love interest is this girl Maria and she always said it was fiction. But I kn-"

"Okay!" Quinn said with an almost manic smile, successfully cutting Conrad off, "we're going to um...go now." She pulled Rachel away, turning over her shoulder to glare at Conrad who was looking at her with a knowing smile. "Ignore him. He doesn't know what he's talking about." Quinn finished off her champagne and set it on an empty table. Rachel really didn't need to know that she based the book on...well them, basically. It had been her own way of coping and dealing with everything that had happened. Everything she had done.

**Rachel:**

Okay so they were definitely dates here. Maybe they weren't _dating,_ and this wasn't _a date_, but they were definitely dates. Because there was a difference. A very big difference. At least, there was when you're a lightweight and you've downed two glasses of red wine for the first time in months. But that wasn't important, all that mattered right then was that she was tipsy and Quinn thought she looked hot and they were holding hands now, apparently. And they should never have stopped holding hands because Rachel loved doing it.

She didn't argue with Quinn when she said she was cutting her off. Rachel knew she could probably pull off a puppy dog pout and get Quinn to buckle. But for now, she had a little bit of her drink left, and they were going to see Quinn's editor. The guy who saw Quinn's talent and put it all into books for her, so other people could read the things inside that pretty head. Quinn wanted to show her off to him. Oh, Rachel was really starting to like this night. She liked the arm around her, and Quinn's confident smirk (which was so rare but always appreciated anyway) and she liked feeling like Quinn _liked_ her.

"Hi Conrad." she beamed back, shaking his hand when it was offered. Her smile faltered though when the man looked at her for just a little too long, with an expression she couldn't read. She began her usual rounds of "Oh god, is something on my face?" and "I knew I shouldn't have worn this." But then finally, he spoke up again, and Rachel's self doubt drained away, replaced by crippling curiosity.

"Maria?" she echoed, turning to look at Quinn with big, wondering eyes. The blonde had cheeks like strawberries and was shaking her head in an altogether unconvincing way. Then back to Conrad, who was revealing some interesting things. She'd have to slip back to this guy later on and find out more. "It's not fiction?" she asked him, quickly trying to take in as much information as she could before… Ugh. Quinn took her away. Damn it.

It was back to just the two of them and Rachel was still unsatisfied, desperate to know more. "You have a Maria?" she asked unhelpfully. But she couldn't just ask if _she_ was the Maria. And it was obvious that the book wasn't entirely fictional, mostly from Quinn's panicked reaction to what Conrad was saying, but what if it was all bad? What if she _was_ Maria and the story was something that would break her heart all over again? Rachel slowly felt herself slipping back to reality, and now she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to know.

Before she could push, Jackie was back. That bitch. Rachel almost forgot about her. Whatever she had thought about reality a moment ago was wiped clean as jealousy replaced it. The other woman caught Quinn's eye and gave her a flirtatious wink, with her stupidly pretty eyes and her long lashes, all girly and pretty and probably so Quinn's _type_. Ridiculous. Rachel rolled her eyes and grabbed another glass of wine, taking a much needed sip. At the burn of courage in her throat as she swallowed it down, Rachel put a hand on Quinn's cheek and gently urged her to look back her way. The touch was soft and not nearly as possessive as she felt. She looked up at Quinn with warm eyes and that hand on her cheek slid to behind her neck, stepping in that bit closer. "Baby," she purred. She wished they could dance. Or something else. She wished they weren't at Quinn's workplace, someplace where she could be that bit bolder. Two and a half glasses of wine seemed to be just enough for her to forget all the reasons she why she was mad at Quinn, and remember everything she had fallen in love with. "Tell me about this Maria? Did you love her?" Rachel asked incredibly bravely.

**Quinn:**

Stupid Jackie. Quinn was pretty sure she'd dislike her by the end of the night. She thought she had gotten rid of her but there she was winking at her from across the room. She clearly had a date why was she bothering? Why were girls like that? Rachel's hand on her cheek guided Quinn's attention next to the woman in front of her. Who was standing awfully close. Not that Quinn cared but jeez. With Rachel's hand on the back of her neck and the way she called Quinn 'baby', the blonde had to take a step back and remind herself that they weren't together. They weren't dating. They were just friends. But that didn't stop her automatic smile that seemed to happen every time she looked at Rachel.

Noticing that Rachel had somehow snuck another glass of wine, Quinn took it gently from her hand and began to sip on it herself. She had the feeling she would need it for this conversation. She had never planned or wanted Rachel to find out she was Maria. Well, before she was back in her life sure. Admittedly, the book was Quinn's way of reaching out to Rachel and hoping she would see it. In her mind Rachel would happen upon it someday and realize how regretful Quinn was of the mistakes she made and come back to her. That what she had always hoped. That was, until Rachel actually came back into her life. Now Quinn was just embarrassed by how pathetic she was (is).

"Um," Quinn scratched at her scalp nervously, ruining the previously tamed hair as she tried to think of the right words, "Maria is um...a fictional character." Well that wasn't convincing at all. Quinn sighed and shook her head. She might as well get this over with because knowing Rachel she wouldn't let it go. And she didn't want to spend the whole night dodging her questions. And she certainly didn't want her finding out from someone else. At the same time she wasn't ready to tell Rachel she still loved her. They danced around the subject many times but she never said those words. And saying Quinn loved Maria was basically an admittance. So instead she went with a simple answer. "Yes," Quinn said with a nod. She looked into Rachel's eyes, a little unfocused from the wine but still as beautiful and mesmerizing as the day she fell in love with her. Quinn shut her eyes and bumped their foreheads together briefly, whispering, "Yes."

"Hey Quinnie!" Freaking Jackie. Quinn turned to look at her coworker with a polite smile (she couldn't be outright rude after all) and took another generous sip of wine. "Yes, Jackie?"

The woman looked at Rachel and then got closer to Quinn, pulling on the collar of her shirt to pull her closer. "I was wondering if you wanted to celebrate after the party. You know, you and me," Jackie said lowly, acting like she didn't want anyone else to hear even though she was being obvious to Rachel. Quinn blushed and took Rachel's hand again, pulling her closer. "I can't, I'm busy," Quinn said with the shrug of a single shoulder. Jackie glanced over at Rachel looking unimpressed before turning back to Quinn, "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Quinn said squeezing Rachel's hand. The other woman looked Quinn over for a moment and nodded, dropping her hand slowly from Quinn's collar and letting it trail down the front of her shirt, "Maybe I'll catch you around here later then? Remember, I'm just a call away if you need me. I don't want you to feel unsatisfied on your big night." With a final wink, Jackie slinked away and Quinn shook her head, looking over at Rachel and taking another sip of wine. Her head was beginning to get a little fuzzy but she was definitely not as far along as Rachel. She told herself she'd stop before then.

"Come on, babylove, I want to introduce you to more people," Quinn smiled, letting the long forgotten term of endearment slip from her lips. She blamed the wine. That had always been what she called Rachel. At first it was a playful thing, being overly cheesy. But soon it stuck and became their thing. A thing that should be buried and never brought up again. But there it was.

**Quinn:**

_Jackie._ Jackie, you complete asshole. Excuse her for thinking so, but god, seriously? She picked her moments, no doubt strategically as well because Rachel was seconds away from taking advantage of the way Quinn had bumped their foreheads together sweetly. Quinn's whispered words and the proximity, plus the alcohol keeping her head fuzzy, Rachel _wanted_ to just… kiss her. But then Jackie interrupted their moment, and Quinn put some space between them again, sipping… Hey, when did she steal her wine?

Rachel met Jackie's eyes for a moment before the girl stepped in close to Quinn, tugging on her collar again. Rachel took a step back, looking away from their own little moment. She could still hear their conversation, and Jackie's low voice full of suggestion. A flicker of a look back confirmed what she feared. That hand dragged its way down Quinn's torso, light and teasing, making Rachel's heart ache in an entirely unwelcome way, even when she was being pulled closer by Quinn. She wanted to inform Jackie that she could satisfy Quinn just fine if she wanted to, that she had satisfied Quinn a million times before, and that they had spent long hours in bed together, making love until they were spent and lazy, and then they'd do it again slowly with boneless limbs and half-formed smiles and loosely laced fingers. But she didn't say anything, just looking away while Quinn politely declined Jackie's offer.

She told herself not to feel bad. After all, it was probably a sign, right? In some twisted sort of way, Jackie was probably helping her out by preventing her from kissing Quinn in a moment of wine-induced romance. The fact that Rachel was thinking it at all made her think she needed more wine, but Quinn was being responsible, apparently, so no. "Okay." she agreed with a small smile (considerably dampened by Jackie's less than subtle proposal) and let herself be dragged off in the direction of a few more of Quinn's co-workers.

"Hi, I'm Rachel." she introduced herself to a new group, even though Quinn was already dragged off by another group. Couldn't really blame them. Quinn was their celebrity of the night, and in a funny sort of way, Rachel was so very proud of her for getting this far. And, yes okay, maybe she thought a little bit about how grown up Quinn was now, with her real job, and her dog, and her shirts with collars and her cuddling and her super hero way of fixing everything when Elizabeth hurt herself. She ticked all the boxes, didn't she?

A young handsome man called Harry nodded over to Quinn as he stepped a little closer to Rachel, dragging her out of her own head and into the real world. "So what's the deal with you two?" Rachel tried not to laugh. If only she knew the answer to that. "I don't know." she shrugged shyly. Deciding not to reveal the reality of their relationship, she told just a fraction of the truth. "I think I like her." she said with a shy smile and slightly unfocused eyes. "It's a secret though, so…" he looked at her with that expression the editor had. She wasn't sure she liked it that much. But then she wondered what the hell she was doing standing here trying to read this guy's mind while some other girl was probably trying to pick up her date anyway. Was she insane? If she maybe liked Quinn, then maybe she should be over there _doing,_ not over here thinking. her mind was made up.

"Would you excuse me?" she smiled politely and made a quick escape, crossing the room to where Quinn was chatting to a few co-workers.

She made no introduction, just politely smiling as she tucked herself into Quinn's side. She leaned up to whisper in her ear. "I'm gonna head home soon." she said quietly, only for Quinn to hear. "You can stay." she couldn't really demand that Quinn leave her own party. But she could offer… "But you're welcome to come home with me." her voice dropped to a soft tone, not exactly flirty but more… more like the Rachel who was Quinn's girlfriend. Because she shouldn't need to upstage Jackie, should she? It wasn't about who could _win_ Quinn, it was really just about whether or not Rachel could get Quinn to cuddle with her again. That was the most important thing in the world, _obviously._

Her fingers trailed down the dip of Quinn's back, out of sight from the others (except possibly Jackie, who was muttering in a twosome of her own with that Kelly girl or whoever. So she didn't need to upstage her, but that didn't mean Rachel didn't want to show off.) "No pressure." she smiled genuinely.


	9. The Publishing Party, pt2

**Quinn:**

Quinn smiled apologetically at Rachel as Conrad dragged her away to meet some people from another publishing company. She smiled politely, blushing under their praise and looking away bashfully. All of this was kind of surreal for her that people were reading her book...and _liking _it. People she never even met before. People who made a living reading books. It was definitely weird. Quinn glanced over at Rachel and saw she was talking to Harry. Her posture straightened a little as she watched the interaction closely. Harry was known to be a "lady's man", even trying to pick up Quinn a couple of times but that wasn't happening for several reasons.

Conrad's hand on her arm made her jump a little and she blinked herself out of her daze. "Huh?" Conrad frowned at her with an amused smile, "Welcome back, space cadet." The people from the other publishing company seemed to have dispersed and she hoped they didn't notice her blatantly not paying attention. "So what's going on with you and your date?" Conrad asked with a raised eyebrow. Quinn copied his expression and took a sip of her wine, trying to remain unreadable.

"Whatever do you mean?" she asked. Conrad snorted and shook his head, "Don't play with me, Fabray. You look at that girl like she's the sun and the moon combined. So just spill. Is she Maria?" Quinn drummed a finger on the outside of her glass, a small blush creeping up her neck but remaining silent. Conrad rolled his eyes, "Listen, I'm your editor. I know more about you than I would ever want to know. And one thing I do know is you've been moping around since you got here. And while it's cute in a kicked puppy sort of way, I haven't seen you smile, _really _smile, until tonight. And always at that girl." He pointed sideways at Rachel, holding his own glass of champagne in front of it in some attempt to guard his actions from her. Quinn took another long sip of wine. Was she being that obvious? If people who never even met Rachel could catch on that probably meant Rachel had caught on. That wasn't exactly what she needed. Or wanted for that matter. She was afraid Rachel knowing she loved her would complicate things. And she had Elizabeth to think about now.

Luckily, a few of Quinn's friends from the office came up and started talking to her, saving her from Conrad's assumptions. She talked and joked with them for a few minutes before she felt a presence at her side. She smiled and Rachel and bent down so Rachel wouldn't have to reach so far to talk in her ear, placing a steadying hand on the other girl's hip. Her initial reaction to Rachel's words were disappointment, but she suddenly perked up when Rachel finished her offer, shivering at the feel of Rachel's hand on her back. Rachel was asking her to come home with her which meant two wonderful things. One, she would get to spend more time with Elizabeth tomorrow. And two, her and Rachel would get to cuddle. Quinn was a huge fan of cuddling.

Biting her lip to hide her smile, Quinn nodded gently and turned to look at Rachel, noticing how close their faces were. "Y-yeah, sure. Let's go," Quinn said softly before straightening up and saying a quick goodbye to her friends. Some looked at her smugly while a few raised their eyebrows suggestively at her. Quinn blushed and rolled her eyes, not bothering to look at Conrad because she knew he would be wearing a smug look. She finished off her wine and set down the empty glass, purposefully avoiding Jackie and Kelly (who she could feel glaring at them) as they made the rounds to say goodbye. Once she had seen everyone (except Kelly and Jackie of course), Quinn guided Rachel out of the office building and hailed a taxi. When one finally pulled up, she held the door for Rachel before sliding in after her. Anticipation was knotting in her stomach and she couldn't wait to hold Rachel again.

**Rachel:**

As Quinn politely said goodbye to everyone, Rachel couldn't help herself. She let the immature side shine and she threw a cocky smirk over at Jackie. Because okay, even if it wasn't about winning Quinn, it was still nice to be the one who actually won her. Rachel smugly thought that Jackie was competing with the wrong girl, because she was _it_ for Quinn. Ha. And her cuddles trumped Jackie's "satisfaction" so _ha._ Before Jackie could even try to make a move to do anything, Quinn was by Rachel's side again, and just like that, they were on their way home. To cuddle. And possibly other things too…

Rachel's hand toyed with Quinn's fingers, sitting in the back of the taxi nervously. Nervous, because something felt different tonight. Last time they cuddled she hadn't been competing for Quinn's affection all night, or holding her hand, and she hadn't, like, _planned_ to go home and cuddle. And most importantly, last time she hadn't told anyone that she might like Quinn. Where the hell did that put them now?

She couldn't even think of anything to say throughout the drive, her words tangled up in nerves, and before she knew it they were at her building. They both slipped out of the car, and Rachel took Quinn's hand again to drag her past the doorman, who gave Quinn a funny sort of look. Rachel didn't dwell on it for too long, because as soon as they were in the elevator alone, she had formed a plan. An alcohol-induced, probably stupid plan. But the moment the doors closed, Rachel did it. She stepped onto her toes (which provided little extra height considering she was in heels already) and pressed her lips to Quinn's without an extra thought. It wasn't quite chaste, not with the way she lingered, but that was unintentional. Oh, she had been so naive. How could she expect the moment to be anything less than monumental, like she thought she could pass it off as just a peck in an elevator. Well, obviously the universe had other ideas, making her heart stop and her lips falter before they could leave again. It was far more than a little peck, even if the action itself was only meant to be.

Quinn's lips were soft and yielding, girly and sweet and she swore they _felt_ pink. And pink was the loveliest feeling ever, as it happens.

Where she had planned to shoot a flirty smile and leave Quinn to process the bold move as she pulled away, she actually managed little other than a nervous laugh, and definitely no smile. Maybe a bit of a shaky smile. _Maybe._ She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, looking away. Oh god. She had kissed her ex girlfriend/ the woman who got her pregnant (and left her)/ her date for the evening/ the girl she kind of… liked? Again? Maybe?

Shyly, she muttered "Um. Sorry." all confidence lost. The elevator pinged and Rachel stepped out, leading the way and fumbling with her keys at the same time. "Hey, Jen." she said quietly when she was in, quickly scanning the room to check they were alone and Elizabeth was safely in bed. "Hey, she's asleep. No trouble." the young girl said like she was reading Rachel's mind. Rachel smiled gratefully and fumbled for the promised money. "I won't go wake her up." she said, handing over the money as the girl packed up her stuff. They exchanged thank yous and goodbyes and all too soon, Rachel and Quinn were alone again. Rachel didn't want to talk about what had happened, so she didn't bring it up. She just tentatively invited Quinn to sleep over again, as planned when she was actually sober.

"Do you— um. Want to borrow pajamas again?" her not so subtle way of asking Quinn to stay over and cuddle. "Because I'm going to get out of this dress and into my PJs now." she left the invitation hanging as she made her way into the bedroom, leaving the door open as she rummaged for acceptable sleepwear. She had already designated an old theatre camp t-shirt for Quinn, if she agreed to stay. Rachel had a thing for giving Quinn theatre-related garments to sleep in, back in the day, and now was no different. It used to be like seeing her favorite thing in her favorite packaging. But after her undoubtedly stupid move, she half expected Quinn to shuffle in to make her excuses, and just leave. One thing's for sure, if Quinn did stay, Rachel wouldn't make that mistake again.

**Quinn:**

Quinn hummed quietly to herself in the back of the cab, enjoying the feel of Rachel playing with her fingers. The knot in her stomach only seemed to grow when she really thought about the situation. The whole night Rachel seemed to be vying for Quinn's attention with the comments and the little touches and the _looks_. At the time, Quinn thought that they would just go their separate ways at the end of the night and that was that. She definitely did not expect Rachel to invite her over. If it had been anyone else Quinn would have known that being invited over meant sex. But it was Rachel, the mother of her daughter who had seemed somewhat indifferent to Quinn since she came back into her life. The only moment that Quinn saw any crack in that indifference was when Rachel asked her to stay over the first night. And of course this whole night but she figured alcohol was mostly to blame.

She didn't protest as Rachel grabbed her hand and pulled her into the elevator. What she definitely didn't expect was for Rachel to kiss her. The doors had barely closed when Rachel's lips were on hers and Quinn's mind turned to mush. A warmth erupted all over her body, starting from her lips and all the way down to her toes. Rachel's lips were way better than she remembered. They were so _soft_ and lovely and like rainbows and jesus, Quinn missed this. and it was all gone too soon. She let out a soft whimper when Rachel pulled away, her eyes still closed and lips still blindly chasing after the brunette's. Quinn blinked her eyes open and stared at Rachel as she retreated from the elevator. She was still frozen in place as she watched Rachel leave, only being thrown from her daze when the doors to the elevator began to close.

Quinn put her hand on the door to keep it from closing and she followed Rachel blindly. Her eyes remained glued to Rachel, oblivious to the conversation that was going on between the babysitter and her. She was still reeling from the kiss, her lips tingling. Quinn reached into her wallet and pulled out a wad of bills to pay Jen while Rachel was still fumbling for her own wallet. She was pretty sure she overpaid her but she didn't care. She just wanted her out of there. Undoubtedly counting her bills, the babysitter quickly slipped out of the apartment.

"Yeah. Pajamas," Quinn breathed out, her mind still fuzzy. She ruffled her hair and followed Rachel into the bedroom and took the pajamas that were handed to her, still staring at the brunette. "Rachel," she said softly, "I...what was-?" Why was Rachel not bringing all this up? Why did she act like this didn't matter? Did she regret it? Oh god, Quinn hoped she didn't regret it because she wanted a repeat performance if anything. She wanted to kiss Rachel and never stop. Her mind still fumbled from the kiss, she began to slowly unbutton her shirt, waiting for Rachel's response.

**Rachel:**

Rachel should have known she couldn't just leave it. Of course Quinn would bring it up, it would be weird if she didn't. But oh, that kiss. It had sobered her up in a heartbeat and now, with a little bit of her sanity back, she desperately wanted not to talk about it. She hadn't even wrapped her own head around it yet, for crying out loud. But here they were, and Quinn was expecting an answer to a kiss while she was unbuttoning her shirt _in front of Rachel_, like it was no big deal. She was getting ready to slip into Rachel's t-shirt for the night so they could fall asleep cuddled up together. So was a kiss really that strange, considering all that? Had Quinn thought everything had just been friendly? God, were they both really that naive?

Rachel's cheeks were warm as she stopped thinking for a moment, rendered speechless as she caught sight of that pale skin revealed inch by inch as Quinn slowly unbuttoned her shirt. "Um." she stammered, reaching for her dress' zipper at the side with clumsy hands. "I don't know." she shrugged with an expression of guilt and apology, completely unable to even look into those big hazel eyes, flecked so prettily with green and brown. She slid the zipper down surprisingly smoothly (even if her grip on it was a little too jerky), then shrugged out of the garment just enough to let it skim her hips and puddle by her feet. They were really undressing in front of each other now. And the kiss was the weird part? Seriously? Rachel was standing in nothing but her underwear because she wanted to cuddle, and Quinn was worried about a kiss?

God, Rachel was living in the Twilight Zone.

She pulled on her sweater, deciding to sleep in only that and her underwear. …Except that would probably make things weirder, right? Right. So at the last minute, she decided to slide a pair of shorts up over her legs to at least make herself a bit more decent. She was still purposefully avoiding conversation at that point, because really, if Quinn wanted to talk about it then she'd have to be the first to speak up because all of Rachel's confidence was gone, and she was cowardly hiding with her head in the sand. She even took thorough steps to avoid conversation. Pointless things like carefully braiding her hair in front of the mirror, or deciding that she needed to wear socks to bed, and actually no, no socks necessary, it's pretty warm plus two people in the bed will mean extra warmth, right?! But who was she fooling? She wasn't nonchalant in the slightest. She was quite obviously panicking, so unwilling to be the first to talk.

"I am so ready for bed." she laughed nervously as she slid between the sheets, feeling cool fabric drape over her legs. "Are you getting in? I uh, I won't steal your pillow or anything this time." More nervous laughing at a painfully awkward joke. But she supposed that promising that kind of took cuddling off the menu. She should have just not kissed her, then things would be fine. They would have gone in, undressed with flirty smiles and soft conversation, then slipped into bed beside each other, and would no doubt curl into each other, falling asleep comfortably. But no, Rachel had to be a dumb ass and kiss the girl. Seriously, what was wrong with her? She had ruined what was turning about to be a fun, flirty sort of friendship that she actually adored. She had gone back on everything she had promised herself three years ago. She had made an utter fool of herself. She had rushed something that was supposed to be a slow build up of trust.

Rachel sighed. She was such an idiot. With a sunken heart, she turned onto her side, tucking her hand under her cheek and letting her mind chew over the night. Somehow she didn't think she'd be getting much sleep that night.

**Quinn:**

Once her shirt was unbuttoned, Quinn undid her belt and dress pants, letting them fall around her ankles. She looked down and noticed her boxer briefs, blushing deeply. Had she really undressed in front of Rachel? Last time she had worried about those shorts Rachel gave her she worried about being too exposed but now she was standing here in boxers. What kind of idiot was she? The kiss had really made her mind messy, though Quinn had always been an idiot for pretty girls. Specifically Rachel.

Rachel's words coupled with that look of what Quinn read as regret struck Quinn right in the chest. Rachel did regret it. She regretted kissing Quinn and obviously didn't want to talk about it. Saying Quinn was heartbroken was a major understatement. The light feeling that had managed to take ahold of her heart throughout the night disappeared and sent her heart barreling down in her chest, shattering against her ribs. Everything that Rachel had done and said over the past few hours was obviously some sort of display and Quinn had been enough of an idiot to believe it. She let herself be made a fool out of in front of everyone. In front of Rachel.

Quinn blinked away a few tears that were threatening to fall down her cheeks and looked up. She was stopped dead in her tracks with an embarrassing sort of whimper issuing from the back of her throat when she saw the sight in front of her. Her dress seemed to have magically disappeared - oh, nope, it was at her feet. Same difference. Because no matter what Rachel was standing in front of her practically naked. She must have died and gone to heaven. That was the only explanation. Her eyes trailed up from Rachel's ankles to roam over her amazing legs (that Quinn could never get enough of, especially when they were wrapped around her) to the soft curves of her hips and the smooth skin of her stomach until her eyes finally landed on the swell of Rachel's breasts covered modestly by her bra. She was gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. Quinn could feel the blood of her body rushing south and she looked away, clearing her throat. She quickly shrugged off her shirt before pulling her the shorts up her legs and Rachel's shirt over her head.

She stood in the middle of the room pointlessly, watching as Rachel flit around the room. It looked like she was looking for any excuse not to talk to Quinn or even look at her. Quinn just slowly tucked the legs of her boxers up so they couldn't be seen below the short shorts. She was still heartbroken, sure, but Rachel still wanted to cuddle and Quinn wasn't going to give that up. There was no way she could really blame Rachel for any of this...Quinn had been stupid enough to go along with all of this. She let some part of her believe that Rachel still wanted her. Ha. That's a good joke. Nope, Rachel definitely didn't want her, she was just fooling herself. Something she had been doing for a while now.

Quinn scrambled under the covers, pulling them all the way up to just under her nose as she blinked over at Rachel. She expected Rachel to scoot over and hold her like last time but instead she was just making awkward jokes and turning away from Quinn.

Well that didn't feel good at all.

She pulled absently at the case of her pillow and daringly scooted a little closer to Rachel. "Maybe I want you to steal my pillow," Quinn said softly. She could practically hear the heartbreak in her voice and cringed a little. What happened to cuddling? Well, if Rachel could initiate a kiss out of nowhere and not mean anything by it, then Quinn figured she could initiate cuddling and it wouldn't be a big deal.

Quinn scooted closer, pressing her front to Rachel's back and snaking an arm around the brunette's waist, pulling her tight against her body. It always amazed her how well they fit together. Quinn nuzzled her nose against Rachel's shoulder and then rest her chin in the crook of her neck, her lips brushing the shell of Rachel's ear gently. "Thank you," Quinn whispered, "For being there for me tonight. It means a lot to me." Her hand slipped under Rachel's shirt, her fingers tracing a pattern on the golden skin just above the waist of her shorts. "Night, Rach."

**Rachel:**

Rachel could sense that Quinn's hoped were dashed in an altogether unnecessary way. But she couldn't exactly say "Hey, stop being mopey, don't you know I'm feeling a million different things for you right now?" So instead she said nothing, shamelessly letting her eyes linger on Quinn's almost naked form, feeling a warmth that had nothing to do with the bed settle inside her.

Once she was over on her side, she had pretty much accepted that the brilliant night they had shared had since dwindled into an almighty let down, and they would really only share a bed, not cuddle. But she was wrong. Quinn's soft voice found her through their dimly lit room and made her heart ache in good ways and bad ways. She would have turned around and made use of the new information, but before she could Quinn had already tucked herself in behind her, and then tugged her the rest of the way so there was no space between them at all. Her body relaxed into the warmth, tension draining away as Quinn whispered, nuzzled, teased, and absently she thought of how well they still fit, just like they did forever ago.

"Thank you for letting me be your date." she replied in a soft whisper too. Maybe things would have been like this every night if they had stayed together. Their daughter asleep in the next room, Quinn holding her, whispered conversations. "And thank you for coming home with me." Quinn had already said goodnight, but Rachel wasn't done. She broke free of Quinn's cuddly grip just enough to twist onto her other side, so she was facing the blonde.

"Quinn," she whispered, hesitantly putting a hand on her hip. But then that felt far too intimate for what she was about to say, so the hand retreated back between them. "I just wanted to kiss you. I don't know what it meant, I just… I liked tonight a lot. And you were holding my hand and introducing me as your date, and then _Jackie._ It's one thing knowing that you've been with other girls since me, but actually seeing Jackie trying to get you into bed, talking about your boxers because…" she sighed, chewing on the inside of her lip. "Because you're _single,_ just really sucks." and that was putting it lightly, because truthfully she had wanted to excuse herself to the bathroom and belt out sad songs while sobbing and drinking all at the same time.

She took a deep breath, trying to draw courage from thin air. That was a fruitless endeavor. "I don't know what it means. I just know I wanted to feel like it did before, and I know that's probably ridiculous but it is what it is." she shrugged uncertainly. "I'm sorry. If you want to forget about it, I won't hold it against you, you can still see Elizabeth and everything. I really don't want to make things weird now we're doing so well." her eyes were wide in the dark, watching Quinn for any reaction, and desperately hoping it would be a good reaction when it came. Rachel wasn't huge on baring her soul these days, and talking like this, openly, under the covers, her soul felt completely naked and incredibly susceptible to being hurt again.

**Quinn:**

Quinn listened to Rachel carefully, not wanting to miss or misinterpret anything. So it was Quinn's fault Rachel was upset. Great. She should have known. But was it really entirely her fault she got carried away? After all, Rachel gave her that look and had played with her fingers and got all too close. But then again, she was the one that always took it too far. She flirted right back and held her hand and pulled her close. The difference was that Rachel was playing and Quinn wasn't. And then Jackie. Freaking Jackie. She went and messed everything up anymore. Quinn wondered if and how she should tell Rachel she hadn't exactly been a Casanova since they parted. Was it necessary? Probably not but she didn't want Rachel thinking she'd bagged every girl that came within five feet of her after she left.

"Rach, I'm really sorry about Jackie," Quinn replied, her hand covering Rachel's between them, "But I can assure you. I haven't-...I never-..." She took a deep breath. "I haven't been with anyone since you." Quinn blushed and looked down at their hands. "I mean, I've dated and we did..._other _things but I haven't _been _with anyone since I left." She shrugged and hoped Rachel didn't read too much into it because if she did she might see how hopelessly in love with her Quinn still was. And that's what she didn't want.

"It's not ridiculous," Quinn said, her eyes flickering back up to Rachel's briefly, "It was actually nice while it lasted." Because if she let herself, Quinn could pretend that things had never changed between them. she didn't become a coward and leave her family behind, she stayed and that had been their every day life. That would have been nice. Wonderful, actually. But Quinn is the one that messed it up. So for one night, she let herself pretend things were different. She might not have if she realized how much more alone she would feel afterwards.

Quinn traced patterns on the back of Rachel's hand and shook her head, "I definitely don't want to forget about it," Quinn said with a small smile she couldn't help, "I probably couldn't forget if I wanted to. I never really...expected you to still feel for me. The way you used to or anything close too it. Sure I _hoped_, but I didn't expect it. Even though I'm...well let's just say I'm not surprised. And I understand. Completely. I'm sorry if I did anything out of bounds tonight." Quinn brushed a piece of hair from Rachel's face. "Being so close to you again is...kind of overwhelming. And you know I tend to lose all sense when it comes to you." Quinn laughed softly, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"Things won't be weird. You have to tell me if I'm making things weird because sometimes I don't know."

"You know, despite everything, you're still one of my best friends, Rachel," Quinn said with a blush, "You probably know me better than anyone. Even now." That was probably a testament to how Quinn never let anyone get too close to her. Rachel had been the only one to really penetrate into the deepest parts of Quinn's mind and it stayed that way even after she left. Sure Santana tried and got close, but she would never know as much as Rachel. Sometimes Quinn hated herself for that, mostly when they were apart. Because she always felt so alone and misunderstood. And it was always because she wouldn't let anyone close. It was like she was saving some parts of herself just for Rachel. Maybe it was time to finally move on and be open to someone else getting close to her. But she feared being hurt again would break her and being open with someone meant being open to being hurt. That's the one thing she had always guarded herself against. Until Rachel of course.

Quinn draped her arm around Rachel's waist and pulled her close. She kissed her forehead softly and offered her a shy smile. "We're okay, Rach."

**Rachel:**

Other things? What are "other things"? She couldn't tell if it made her feel better or worse, not when there was the very serious question of what exactly Quinn had been doing with other girls. Of course, Rachel didn't have the right to be curious, let alone jealous, but she couldn't help herself still. She supposed it was a good thing that there were still some things that existed only between them. And it wasn't just sex, was it? They shared more than just that, she hoped. More than just sex, because how hypocritical of her to focus so heavily on that when she herself had in fact gone all the way with other people, even if it had been completely unsatisfactory. She couldn't even blame the guy, because it was her own fault. She had been too insecure after having Elizabeth to relax into it, and as a result, faked the whole thing. She wondered if she should tell Quinn any of that, or if it was better to leave it out completely. She decided on the latter, choosing to just hope that Quinn would agree, should she ask; that yes, they both shared so much more than just sex.

Her emotions were rioting. Whipping up a hurricane inside her, growing with each word that past Quinn's lips. At least Quinn still felt something for her, even if it was an inability to hold onto any sense. She laughed softly, quietly just between the two of them in the near-silent apartment at the joke. "Best friends, huh?" Being a best friend to the person you used to be a girlfriend (and almost fiancee!) to wasn't ideal, but it was something. Better than nothing. She smiled, fingers splaying to slide between Quinn's. "I think I like that. Being your best friend." She could work with that, right? "I've never really had a best friend before." she said with a quirk of her lips. "I had Kurt, but he wasn't…" Rachel shrugged. It wasn't really important. Especially not when Quinn was smiling like that, and wrapping her arm around her waist like that, and oh! A kiss! Even if it was just to her forehead, it was still a kiss. She smiled, possibly the happiest smile since seeing Quinn again.

"Thank you for tonight, and for being so smart and cool about everything." she leaned in as well, pressing her lips softly to Quinn's cheek. Best friends who slept together (just to fall asleep!) and kissed each other's faces and had a baby and called each other sweet little nicknames. With a pressure lifted, she felt comfortable enough to change the subject a bit. "Hey, congratulations by the way. You're a big author now. You'll have to sign my copy." she said with a quiet chuckle, with her eyes falling closed as she shifted closer. Her leg slipped in between Quinn's, tangling limbs. She slid her hand beneath Quinn's shirt, fingertips gliding along the elastic of Quinn's shorts at the small of her back. Much like the first night, she smiled against that silky soft skin and whispered her sleepy thoughts. "And one for Elizabeth. She'll be proud when she's old enough to understand what you've accomplished." Rachel felt herself drifting off to sleep, so stifling a yawn, she mumbled "Night, Quinn." against the soft skin of her neck. "See you at breakfast."


	10. Gettin' Crunk, pt1

**AN: Thank you so much for the great reviews. Things steam up in this chapter. Enjoy.**

**Rachel:**

Rachel was already very… very… not sober. Music was loud in the bar and she was dancing, hands in her own hair and a smile plastered on her face. She couldn't even remember the last time she had felt so… not sober. The closest was when that night when she accidentally intentionally kissed her best friend, but that had been tipsy at best. It seemed Quinn had this kind of effect on her. Getting her to drink and laugh obnoxiously and… _dance! _Quinn knew how to get her to let loose and stop being so _serious_. Actually, Quinn was the first person in a long time to make her feel like herself again, not just… a mom. The girl who _used to_ perform. Quinn made her feel like Rachel Berry again.

Or maybe she was just a bit drunk and over-appreciative.

But anyway, speaking of Quinn, the best friend was looking dizzyingly good tonight. Rachel's dark, unfocused eyes drifted across the crowd of celebrating, happy people to find the head of blonde hair, sticking up cutely. "She your friend?" Rachel turned back to the guy she was dancing with. He was good looking too. Brown hair sweeping in a totally debonair fashion, blue eyes, heart breaker material. Rachel grinned at him, putting a hand on his chest to subtly put some space between them under the guise of flirting. "No." she answered. "Yes. I don't know." she leaned in very close for a minute, sporting a conspiratorial expression. "We used to date." his eyes lit up and Rachel smirked. "She wrote a book about me." — Okay, she wasn't entirely sure about that, but she had read the book cover to cover starting the moment Quinn had left the apartment the next morning. She thought she was Maria. And it was _Maria._ Even the _name_. Rachel almost wanted to be this Maria more than _the_ Maria she always yearned to play onstage.

Her dancing man friend's eyes seemed to glaze over with a lack of interest at the mention of a book. "So what, you love her?" Rachel gave him a look. "We're best friends." Her blue-eyed friend undeterred, took a big risk. He pawed at her hip, pulling her into him with his Prince Charming smile. Any other night, Rachel probably would have let him, would have let her arms rise up into the air and sway her hips with him. But since a certain blonde-haired woman had reappeared in her life, everyone else in the whole world seemed severely uninteresting. So tonight, that risk of his didn't quite pay off. Rachel didn't want his hand there.

"Whoa," she chuckled, pushing at his chest again, taking his hand and removing it. "I'm here with someone. I'm… gonna go find her again." she scrunched up her nose as she tried to distance herself from him. If she had been sober, it would have been awkward, but Rachel had reached that point where her social standards lowered considerably. "Quinnnnn!" she singsonged, but her voice was dampened by the music. It was no matter, because she found her easily enough. Her hand found Quinn's, fingers lacing immediately. "Hey you." she purred, stepping into her and completely forgetting to check if she was talking to (or dancing with) anyone already.

Unlike with Mr. Blue Eyed Friend Of Quinn's (Apparently), Rachel dragged Quinn's hand straight to her waist. "Will you dance with me?" she asked, with her front already pressed incredibly close. Rachel wanted to soak up the evening. She wanted to share body heat with damp skin and worn in make up, she wanted to feel those hips pressing into her, hands heavy and possessive on her body. She wanted Quinn's breath on her neck and her lips on her skin. She wanted her the hair at the back of her neck dampened with a light sheen of sweat, curling the way it did naturally.

Yes, Rachel was quite drunk. It would only do her good if someone cut her off now, but really that was so unimportant, all that really mattered was Quinn and her stupidly delicious looking skin, and whether Rachel would actually get to taste it tonight, because oh she wanted it. And how bad could it be? Best friends did stuff like this all the time, right? She just hadn't experienced it yet because so far, her only best friend had been the wrong kind of gay for her. Or something. Her drunken logic made sense in her own mind if nowhere else, but in the morning she'd have a sneaking suspicion that she would have thought just about anything to justify what she wanted to do to Quinn.

**Quinn:**

"Alright, spill, Q."

Quinn was hunched over her drink, straw still between her lips and leaving the drink when she lifted her head to look at Santana who was sitting across the booth from her with an unreadable expression. The straw hung between her lips, bouncing when she spoke, "Spill about...what?" Santana raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Brittany who was also staring at her, though her expression was slightly more blank.

"You and Tiny," Santana said stirring her drink, "Are you fucking or what?" Quinn frowned at Santana's crudeness, her face heating up. Instead of dignifying that with an answer, Quinn stuck the straw back in her drink and took a long sip. She was past the point that the alcohol burned. Now it was just a slightly bitter drink that slipped easily down her throat. Her mind was a little fuzzy and the lights seemed to sparkle more than before but she was fine. At least that's what she kept telling herself.

"So, that's a no," Santana smirked, "You know, when you told me Barbara over there was back in your life I expected you to have her in bed already. Probably knocking her up again. But kudos to her for keeping your pervy little hands away." Quinn frowned, looking up at Santana again. She bounced the straw between her lips with the tip of her tongue. " 'uck you, S," Quinn murmured. Santana just rolled her eyes and finished off her drink, "It's not like I haven't offered."

"San says you're grumpy all the time because you don't get laid. Because no one wants a train wreck," Brittany said matter of factly as she took a dainty sip of her own drink. She was probably the most sober out of all of them. "That's not true, Britt. I don't get laid because I choose not to. Difference," Quinn said pointing her finger as if trying to make a point.

"Yeah, because you hold some kind of creepy torch for Tiny who is obviously not interested," Santana said tilting her head to where Rachel was dancing with some guy. Some gross, handsome, handsy, charming guy, no doubt. Quinn felt her stomach drop when the guy pulled Rachel close to him and looked away. She didn't need to see that. She might end up going over there and punching him in the nose. That's exactly what she would have done three years ago. Well, maybe not exactly. She would have pulled Rachel close to her and glared at the intruder trying to put his hands on _her _girl. No one touched her girl. But Rachel wasn't her girl and she wanted his gross manly hands on her. Whatever. It didn't matter.

Quinn finished off her drink and stood up too quickly. She took a moment to steady herself before she looked down at Santana and Brittany. "I'm going to dance," she said with a firm nod, "with a girl. Not Rachel." Because if Rachel could dance with someone that wasn't her, she could dance with someone that wasn't Rachel. In the end she would end up feeling dirty and guilty (like every time Santana tried to pawn her off on some willing girl), but the alcohol coursing through her veins told her this was an excellent idea. What better way to get over one girl than to find another? So what if Rachel didn't want her? So what if she thought it was a mistake to kiss Quinn the other night? No matter. There were plenty of girls who wanted to kiss her. Even if only for a night. At least that's what Santana and Brittany were always telling her.

She took a moment to look around, her eyes locking with a pretty auburn haired girl across the dance floor who had a predatory look in her eye, one hand holding a drink and the other trailing a single finger around the rim of the glass. Any other night, Quinn might have blushed and looked down before sitting back in the book only to have Santana push her back out. But tonight it was her birthday and present to herself would be getting over Rachel. Right? Right. So she shifted through her mind, trying to remember what it was like to try and seduce someone. She fixed a confident (and probably drunk looking) smirk on her face and strolled over to the auburn haired girl When she got close, Quinn leaned down to talk in the other girl's ear. "Dance with me," she said lowly, slightly demanding before pulling back.

The auburn haired girl licked her lips and handed her drink to her friend who had a knowing smirk on her face. Quinn took the other girl's wrist and pulled her onto the dance floor, her hands settling loosely on her hips. The auburn haired girl leaned forward, pressing their bodies together and lacing her hands behind Quinn's neck. "I'm Summer," she said just loud enough for Quinn to here. "Q," she replied with a nod as they began moving their hips together to the beat. Quinn tried to enjoy it, tried to let loose and just feel the other girl's body against hers, moving in a way she hadn't really moved with anyone in...well...a while. She tried to ignore the fact that Summer was a little too tall and a little too skinny, instead focusing on the soft skin against hers and the way her hips were pressing into her. She just started to get into it, her hips moving more confidently against Summer's until she felt familiar fingers lace with her own.

The smirk widened on her face as Rachel pretty much pushed Summer out of the way and pressed against Quinn. A shiver ran through her body at the way Rachel was practically purring at her. The way Rachel placed Quinn's hand on her waist made her question irrelevant and she pulled the brunette even closer, Summer completely forgotten. "Like that's even a question," Quinn said lowly, her hips moving slowly to the beat as she got used to the feeling of Rachel's body pressed against her like this. It was marvelous and made Quinn forget her promise to herself. Maybe just one more night. One more night of holding on to a lost flame couldn't hurt after three years? Right? What was one more day?

**Rachel:**

Hands pulled her even closer. Rachel considered it a success, especially considering that sultry voice and the way Quinn smirked confidently (oh, Rachel adored confident Quinn.) She had been pressed close to Quinn a few times since they found each other in the Park after so long apart. There was the time Rachel was terrified and flung herself at Quinn in a grabby kind of hug when Quinn played superhero for the night. There were all those times when they had fallen asleep together, with hands under shirts and legs tangled like some cliche promo shot for a romantic comedy. But this? This was a different kind of pressed together.

Firstly, there was a difference between warmth and heat she realized as they moved. Quinn was usually warm and comforting (and in a way that terrified Rachel right now, she still was) but tonight, Quinn's skin was searing hot, and her grip made Rachel want to do… something. She hadn't figured out what yet, only that she needed it desperately. Her own hands didn't even know where to go. She felt like the proverbial kid in the candy store; she wanted it all, wanted to touch everything on offer.

"Have I said happy birthday yet, baby?" she asked in a low voice, looking up through her lashes. The alcohol gave her far more courage than one person should ever have, and she was using it to her full advantage, pulling out all the old tricks she knew would make Quinn a little weak at the knees for her. Her hand trailed down Quinn's front, not stopping until she reached her belt, and even then she let her fingers curl into it just a little bit, tugging on it to pull her hips in. "Because I've got something else for you later on." her voice was flirty, her eyes dark and only for Quinn. Truthfully, she had a few things lined up for the birthday girl. Elizabeth had suggested a tea party, and Rachel and gone with it hoping that Quinn would like the idea. Elizabeth had gotten her one of her own favorite books and scrawled a happy birthday message inside with a pink crayon, with help from her mom because she couldn't actually write yet. Rachel herself had gotten Quinn something decidedly sappy, and wasn't willing to share it in front of all of Quinn's birthday buddies while their relationship still hung in a sort of limbo.

But none of those things were what Rachel had in mind when she told Quinn she had something extra for her. With Elizabeth staying with a fellow single parent and her daughter overnight, Rachel had the apartment to herself and she intended to make use of it.

She turned, back pressed to Quinn's front in a way that let her grind her ass back into Quinn's crotch in a less than subtle manner. But it didn't need to be subtle, because this wasn't some game she was playing; she was quite blatantly asking for something, telling Quinn in no uncertain terms that she _wanted_ her.

Her darkened, cloudy eyes met the blue ones of the guy she was dancing with not too long ago. And then there was some girl with pretty auburn hair staring moodily at them too. Jeez, what was her problem? Rachel hadn't even seen her before! Turns out she preferred the view when she was facing Quinn, but she wasn't ready to give up the bonus of having Quinn literally grinding against her like they were flirty college kids again. It was like public foreplay to Rachel, even if it was a little presumptuous to think so.

She invited Quinn's hands to roam at will, dragging one over her curves while her own hand wound into Quinn's hair behind her. It struck again that this position wasn't fabulous. It meant that she had given up the majority of control over the situation, meaning she had to leave it to Quinn to make a stupidly bold move next— and usually that was Rachel's area of expertise. But maybe she could urge Quinn in the right direction. Dangerously, she let out a little sound of pleasure when Quinn's hand briefly passed her breast (at Rachel's own guidance, but whatever.) Her head dropped back to Quinn's delicate shoulder, giving her full access to her neck if she was brave enough to use it. Hopefully it got the message across…

**Quinn:**

If the alcohol wasn't clouding Quinn's mind before, it was definitely being fogged by pure lust now. She bit her lip, her eyes darkening significantly when Rachel tugged on her belt. Oh how it reminded her of the days when Rachel wanted her. And _really _wanted her, sometimes to the point that she would be undoing Quinn's belt in the hallway before they could even make it into the apartment. They'd stumble into the door a ball of limbs and lips and teeth and lust. But maybe Rachel did want her. With the way Rachel was talking to her and hell, just the things she _said_ were suggestive. I've got something for you later? Okay, if that wasn't a blatant invitation to have sex Quinn didn't know what was. And Quinn was definitely okay with that. Maybe it meant Rachel was ready to be with her again. Really really with her. Like bringing Rachel flowers and kissing her sweetly on street corners with Elizabeth squished between them.

That stupid, drunk smile was still plastered on Quinn's face as Rachel turned around, letting her hands slip from her waist to her hips. She wanted to feel every single delicious way Rachel's body was moving against hers. With Rachel's ass grinding back into her crotch, Quinn had to remind herself that they were in public, not wanting to get too out of control. She could already feel the blood rushing south and she definitely didn't want to _that _to pop out in the middle of the dance floor. Or in public at all really.

A small grunt of pleasure passed her lips when Rachel ground particularly hard against her. It was almost as if Rachel _wanted _Quinn to take her right here on the dance floor.

Although admittedly, Rachel had always been a bit of an exhibitionist. Quinn's eyes wandered for a minute and saw the guy that Rachel had danced with earlier, his gaze on them. A wave of possessiveness came over Quinn and she pulled Rachel's hips back into her roughly, grinding back into Rachel with a new energy. Her eyes remained on his as she leaned forward and nipped right behind Rachel's ear. This was her own not so subtle way of making sure he knew Rachel was hers. She was off limits. Even from looking. Absently Quinn wondered how she went from wanting to get over Rachel to being possessive of her like they had never been apart. But then Rachel began to move Quinn's hand over her and she didn't have time for that kind of thinking anymore.

Her free hand splayed low on Rachel's stomach, keeping her close while the other became reacquainted with Rachel's curves. The heat radiating off Rachel's skin only spurred Quinn on and when a head landed on her shoulder, exposing that long, beautiful, tan skin her lips went immediately to it. She dragged her lips lightly over the curve of Rachel's neck, taking it slow in case Rachel suddenly decided this wasn't what she wanted. But when a particularly erotic sound of pleasure escaped Rachel she was all in. Quinn placed hot kisses from Rachel's shoulder to up her neck. Unable to resist, Quinn let her tongue dart out past her lips to taste Rachel's skin and moaned lowly. God she missed that. She daringly captured Rachel's earlobe between her teeth and slowly dragged her teeth across the soft flesh. "Is this what you want, baby?" Quinn practically husked into Rachel's ear, the smirk apparent in her voice.

She had forgotten what an ego boost it was to have Rachel moving against her, under Quinn's control. Every little breath and shiver that Rachel elicited was because of _her_. And she loved it. Quinn took some control of her hand back, moving it up her stomach slowly and dragging her hand just under Rachel's breasts. She moved her thumb briefly to swipe over the soft flesh as she nipped at Rachel's neck. Why did Quinn want to try and go for other girls? What a ridiculous idea. Rachel was obviously the only girl that could do this to her. That could cause her body to be covered in a light sheen of sweat, her lips never leaving Rachel's skin and herself trying so hard to keep herself from - ahem - _reacting _to Rachel grinding against her like they were horny teenagers again.

"God, Rach," Quinn breathed out against her neck, both of her hand gripping Rachel just below her hip bones as she held onto her possessively.

**Rachel:**

Sure, Rachel was in the mood. Rachel was feeling hot and drunk and she hadn't had sex in a long time, and it was _Quinn,_ and yeah. Rachel wanted to have sex with her. She was in the mood. But when she noticed those blue eyes across the room lift to lock with the hazel ones behind her, and then Quinn's teeth catching behind her ear, she wasn't just in the mood anymore. She desperately _needed_ it to happen, to the point where she almost didn't feel the effects of copious amounts of alcohol, just the very concentrated desire to have Quinn below her, on top of her, _inside_ her. And maybe wrapped around her afterwards.

She had forgotten what it felt like to have Quinn acting so possessively around her. Here was where Rachel's Quinn-related hypocrisy took on another aspect once again. Rachel Berry hated possessive behavior, she adamantly believed that it was an awful trait in a partner. She didn't think 'possessive' was a huge jump from 'controlling', so generally this sort of behavior was a turn off, even a deal breaker. But god, _Quinn Fabray._ Quinn could grab at her in public, glare at anyone who even looked at her too much, make a show of how she's so completely Quinn's, and good lord. It was hotter than Rachel could stand. She was a hypocrite, but Quinn was always her exception.

Needless to say, the blue-eyed guy across the room was quickly forgotten, replaced with thoughts of how much she loved being Quinn's, even just for one, very drunk night.

As anticipated, the low sound of pleasure Rachel emitted did exactly what she wanted it to, which was good because she wouldn't have been able to hold it back even if she tried. Quinn's mouth worked over her skin, all lips, tongue, and oh god, _teeth_. And the sounds she made, even while speaking… Well, voice had always been very important to Rachel. Quinn sounded decadent, almost dangerous with how low she was pitched. _"Yes,"_ she replied in a groan. Yes, she wanted this. Yes, she wanted Quinn.

Unexpectedly, it all became a hundred times more personal when Quinn uttered those two words, grounding Rachel suddenly. _God, Rach_. What was it about that tiny sentence that had Rachel's heart _aching_? Rachel didn't know, and definitely couldn't think it through with her intoxicated perspective— and that was just assuming the drunken thought would even make sense when she was sober! Regardless, she felt there was only one logical way to help her heart.

Rachel spun around in Quinn's arms to face her again, and without even a second of hesitation she slid both arms around Quinn's neck and kissed her. Just… really _kissed_ her. This wasn't like the one in the elevator. It was passionate, it was searing hot, it was… "I want you." she gasped against her lips breathlessly. "Can…" she pulled back, licking her lips and tasting Quinn's drink on herself. Her big eyes were dark and unguarded. "Can I see your place tonight?" nimble fingers trailed mindlessly down the middle of her shirt, a sure sign of her nerves after asking. It was a bold, bold request. Somehow it felt more intimate than her blatant request for sex, asking for Quinn to take her home, to let her see her bedroom, and where she did her writing, and what she looked at from her window. And… maybe make her coffee in the morning?

Too shy to meet her eyes as she waited for an answer, she ducked her head to the curve of Quinn's neck, kissing her there softly. "You're still delicious." she murmured, letting her tongue drag along that gorgeous, pale skin. "Still beautiful." she kissed along her jaw. Hidden in the secrecy of Quinn's neck, she carried on. "And I want you to make love to me tonight." The morning would bring fresh opinions, but right now it felt like a wonderful idea, asking for not just sex, but for her ex girlfriend to make love to her.

Rachel wanted it to be like old times. Only not really, because she wanted it to be better. Because things were different now, right? …Right? They had a baby, a beautiful child who looked like the two of them, and Quinn had come to the rescue when Rachel needed her, and now they cuddled each other to fall asleep and it was… it was amazing. Rachel could deny it all she liked, but the truth of it was that she loved having Quinn back in her life.

Full, pink lips trailed up to Quinn's ear where she carried on speaking. "We don't have to go now. We can enjoy the party. Go talk to your friends. I'll sit in your lap and…" the hand toying with shirt buttons slipped dangerously low, just a little below the belt. "Entertain myself?" she smirked against the sensitive skin, letting her teeth catch her earlobe and pull gently.

**Quinn:**

The kiss was a bit unexpected despite the fact that Rachel was grinding on Quinn like there was no tomorrow. But it was exactly like those stupid romantic comedies she made fun of (and secretly cried to when she watched them alone, shut up) as soon as Rachel's lips touched hers. She felt her temperature rise impossibly higher and every nerve in her body was on end. Okay, maybe that wasn't like those romantic comedies because romantic comedies usually didn't make her think inappropriate thoughts. Groaning at Rachel's words, Quinn's hands fell to the brunette's bottom to pull her closer. She always loved her ass. That was no secret.

She smirked proudly at her success of reaching below the equator, so to speak, and squeezed Rachel's bottom in celebration. Quinn hummed and watched Rachel's fingers work down the front of her shirt in a way that Quinn found absolutely endearing. Bold, confident Rachel was sexy as hell and made Quinn want to jump her bones right there. But unsure, shy Rachel was so cute. Especially when Rachel was all touchy feely with her big eyes and - oh, her lips were on Quinn's neck. That was nice. "I'd love to show you my apartment," Quinn said letting her eyes flutter shut and stretching her neck a little as Rachel's lips and tongue moved over her neck.

Wait, wait, wait. Rachel wanted Quinn _to make love to her. _To make _love _to her. To make love. To her. Quinn wasn't going to get over that any time soon. Those words from Rachel's lips slowed Quinn down a little and a warmth entirely different from the one supplied by the alcohol took over her body. Suddenly it was more than the overwhelming need to pound Rachel into the mattress. She wanted to put on low music and take Rachel slowly, passionately while whispering sweet notions to each other. She wanted to feel their bodies slide together, skin slick with sweat and the room smelling distinctly of their mixed sweat and just..._them. _

If Quinn had taken the time and brain space to think about it, she might have realized that Rachel not just wanting to fuck but wanting to _make love _was a little bit out of left field. But Quinn wasn't interested in guarding her heart. The part of her that was still young and foolish (only for Rachel) made her think the best of the situation. Quinn had always been a sucker for the tiny brunette though. Even when she put too much time and energy into torturing Rachel, Quinn still did pretty much whatever Rachel asked. And in the time they became friends and started dating it only became worse. Now, after three years of pining, heartbreak and deprivation coupled with Rachel's hot mouth on her neck she was no different. Rachel gets what Rachel wants.

Quinn let out a low moan, her hips pressing slightly against the hand below her belt as she felt herself swell a little in her pants. Damn Rachel anyways for knowing exactly how to get her. Quinn never wanted anything more in her life than she wanted Rachel at this moment. But the last thing Quinn wanted was to seem too eager...too desperate. So she nodded, a shiver running down her spine as she leaned down to capture Rachel's lips one more time. She pulled away with a smirk to match Rachel's. "Let's just hang around a little longer, Princess," Quinn said before nipping at Rachel's lips playfully, whispering against them, "Then I can't wait to take you home and make love to you."

With one last squeeze of Rachel's ass, Quinn pulled herself away from the other woman and put a hand on her lower back. Her pinky and ring finger were resting just along the beginning curve of Rachel's bottom and she smirked smugly as she lead Rachel over to where Santana and Brittany were sitting with a couple of Quinn's friends from work. When Quinn sat down, she pulled Rachel onto her lap as if trying to assure she wouldn't change her mind. There was no way that Rachel was getting away now. Quinn wouldn't let her. Now that she was this close to getting what she had dreamed about for three years.

Santana was looking at her with a raised eyebrow and her coworker Austin was looking the two over with cloudy eyes. Austin had brought Kelly along much to Quinn's chagrin and now the annoying secretary was frowning at Rachel like she was personally offended by something. Quinn frowned as Kelly bit the inside of her cheek and looked down to text furiously. No doubt to Jackie. Humming in indifference, Quinn brushed her lips along Rachel's shoulder and turned to Santana. "So, S, how come you and Britt aren't dancing?" Quinn said resting her hand on Rachel's thigh, the flesh hot under her hand.

"The show you and Berry were putting on was much better from here," Santana smirked. Quinn rolled her eyes and turned towards Austin instead, preferring to start up idle chit chat with him instead. She wondered how long she could keep herself under control before she dragged Rachel away to her apartment.

**Rachel:**

As they made their way back to where the others were sitting, Rachel did wonder just what on earth she was thinking, suggesting that they _wait_. It was no big secret that she wasn't the most patient person on earth, and now, as Quinn sat down perhaps indefinitely, Rachel couldn't think of a single reason why she wanted to prolong this part of the evening. Sure, it would be rude to drag Quinn away from yet another of her parties, but did Rachel ever really care about social consequences? _Really?_

Still, when Quinn pulled her onto her lap as agreed, her interest grew slightly. There was a hand on her thigh so hey, maybe this wasn't so bad after all!

She only recognized a few people at the table. Santana, of course, but they had said their hellos already for the first time since high school. Rachel had been amazed to find out she was still with Brittany. They lasted far longer than she and Quinn ever did. She also recognized Kelly, _Jackie's_ friend from Quinn's work. Ugh, Jackie. The tramp who had openly suggested that she could satisfy Quinn, while the author had a date _right there_. What was wrong with her? It took tremendous effort not to roll her eyes at the Kelly person just because… well, they were friends, so something had to be wrong with Kelly too. Couldn't she see that Rachel was obviously far better for Quinn than some annoyingly forward girl at Quinn's work? Rachel was Maria, for goodness' sake! …Maybe. Hopefully?

She subtly shifted her hips in Quinn's lap, just reminding her that she was still there and she still wanted her. But that was just a teaser. Without explanation of that particular little wiggle of her hips, she started talking to Santana, since Quinn had taken to ignoring the old Cheerio. "I completely respect that, Santana." she said with the kind of purposeful emphasis that proved precisely how drunk she was. "If I could watch myself and Quinn dancing, I would." her full lips quirked into a smirk, eyes cloudy with lust and alcohol. Santana laughed without hiding her amusement at the state Rachel was currently in, but Rachel's ego viewed it as a compliment to her humor, not a giggle at her her drunkenness.

"So, what's the deal with you and Blondie?" Santana drawled in that way that used to make Rachel shift with uncomfortable nerves. But now she was inexplicably confident, alcohol doing it's job perfectly. She smiled, one pair of dark eyes meeting another as she leaned in to answer her. And she didn't just come out and say it. She leaned close enough to just whisper to Santana and Santana alone. Quinn wasn't allowed to hear. Nor was Kelly, or whoever was with her.

"She's taking me home." Rachel informed in a quiet giggle. "Because we _cuddle_ when she sleeps over. And… you know." she pulled back with a smug expression, like she had said something saucy or coy, when the reality was far from that, unfortunately. Really, it hardly even made sense, but Santana laughed at her again, though the look she gave Quinn was smug for reasons Rachel couldn't understand. Fortunately, she had the attention span of a goldfish at that particular moment, and was more than willing to move on with the conversation. Perhaps to what that Kelly girl was talking about. Or perhaps to Quinn, because Quinn was basically taking on the role of Rachel's girlfriend tonight, for just one night only.

For one moment, she allowed herself to take her head out of the clouds where she was no longer swamped with happy, sexy thoughts. She looked down to Quinn's ring finger, tracing softly where a ring would go if she had ever proposed. And there was that pang in her heart again, the same one that made her eyes dull and her lips fall every time she thought of precisely this. And the truth is, she knew that tonight wouldn't fix that hurt. It would probably make things worse, because the ache didn't come from just not having Quinn anymore. It was all so much deeper and more complicated, and her best attempt at fixing it was drunken birthday sex, apparently. Honestly, what had she become? This was never supposed to be her life. She was supposed to be Broadway-bound with a fiancee, and babies were supposed to be a thought for the future.

Quickly scrabbling for her drink, she knocked it back like she could wash away the thoughts with it. This mood wouldn't do, and she wouldn't let herself sigh and slump and pout and go home alone and watch Sex and the City _again_. She'd make her mistake and let herself forget for one night, and then she'd wake up in an unfamiliar bed wrapped up in a naked woman. Consequences could come later.

She turned, lips brushing Quinn's cheek as she did. Unintentional, but still nice. "Would it be terribly rude if we left now?" she said quietly. "I want to kiss you already." she hesitated, contemplating asking the next question, especially with where they were and how quiet she had to be. Even though there were no eyes on them, she knew Santana was trying her best to catch snippets of their conversation already. "You do think this is a good idea, right?" she asked, only a faint sliver of vulnerability flickering in her voice for a second.

**Quinn:**

Rachel wriggling her hips on Quinn's lap had caused just the right kind of friction to her dick that she was desperately trying to keep under control. She bit back a moan and her hands flew to Rachel's hips, keeping her still as she continued to talk to Austin. When she was confident Rachel wasn't going to be moving anymore, she replaced her hand on the brunette's thigh, tracing patterns all the way up her thigh and back down.

Quinn nodded at something Austin said (she wasn't really paying attention but he was too drunk to notice) when she felt Rachel's finger tracing something on her hand. She glanced over at the brunette and saw a forlorn look in her eyes. Quinn nuzzled Rachel's shoulder in some drunken attempt to coax her out of whatever mood she had put herself in. Before all it would take was some well placed kisses along Rachel's neck and face always ending with a soft peck on the nose before she would get a soft smile and Quinn would ask her what was wrong. But now, even though they were about to go to her apartment and have sex, Quinn wasn't sure what boundaries they still had.

"We can leave whenever you want," Quinn replied to Rachel's question, smiling drunkenly, "I want to kiss you too, baby." Her free hand managed to rest on the brunette's lap and she rubbed her lower back in reassurance. Usually the vulnerability in Rachel's voice would have gone unnoticed. But Quinn had known (knew?) Rachel inside out for years and she was well in tune to the changes in the performer's tones.

"Rachel," Quinn said cupping Rachel's cheek, "I think this is an excellent idea. The best idea ever, even. A better idea than mint chocolate chip ice cream. And you know how much I love mint chocolate chip ice cream." For a moment Quinn forgot they were in the company of people not privy to the complicated details of the two's relationship and she nuzzled Rachel's nose gently. "Do _you _think this a good idea?" She kissed Rachel softly, a complete contrast to the other kisses they had shared earlier in the night. This kiss wasn't desperate or fueled by lust. This was gentle, reassuring. Quinn couldn't necessarily tell Rachel she loved her, not with words anyways. But she hoped that the kiss gave Rachel some idea of how much Quinn _needed _her in a way that extended beyond just a night. "Let's go, Princess," Quinn whispered against Rachel's lips, squeezing her thigh and waiting for Rachel to stand up.

Quinn stood up after Rachel and said quick goodbyes to everyone. She leaned down to hug Santana and Brittany, the former looking at her smugly the whole time. She bumped Austin's fist when he offered it and she ignored Kelly who seemed too busy glaring at Rachel to even notice. Lacing Rachel's fingers with her own, she lead her out of the club and onto the brisk New York street. "You cold, Rach?" Quinn asked pulling her closer and wrapping her arms around her. She knew the chances of Rachel being cold were not very high with the amount of alcohol flowing through her system but hey...she was just trying to be a gentlewoman. With a smile, Quinn buried her face in Rachel's hair and held her tighter, "Did I tell you how amazing you look tonight?"

Kissing Rachel's ear lightly, she pulled away only to hail a cab. When one pulled up to the curb, she opened the door for Rachel before she slid inside herself. She gave the driver her address before sitting back, choosing to sit in the middle seat so she was directly pressed against Rachel instead of being separated. If Quinn was sober she would have sat in the other seat and she wouldn't have leaned down to brush Rachel's hair from her shoulder before kissing her neck. All while in the back of a cab. Quinn might have realized how inappropriate this was if she hadn't had that last drink. But she did have the last drink. And this seemed like an excellent idea. Her lips found Rachel's pulse point and she nibbled on it gently, her hand cupping the other side of Rachel's neck as her lips moved smoothly over the tan skin.

The cab stopped and Quinn pulled away reluctantly, licking her lips with a coy smile before she pulled money out of her wallet and paid the driver. She scooted out of the cab, less than gracefully thanks to the alcohol coursing through her system. With a protective arm around Rachel's waist, she made her way into the apartment building and into the elevator. Just as she hit the button for her floor the fact that she was inviting Rachel into her apartment for the first time. Rachel was coming into her personal space for the first time since they had broken up. She would see her bedroom, her living room...the spare bedroom she was slowly converting into a room for Elizabeth. You know...just in case she stayed over or for some reason her and Rachel had to stay for whatever reason. Right now it was just painted and she was waiting for the fumes to air out before she did anything else but still...it seemed so permanent. Maybe Rachel wouldn't notice the newly painted pink room and hopefully she wouldn't open the hall closet to see the still boxed children's furniture in there.

"I-it's not much," Quinn blurted out as the elevator dinged for her floor, "It's just...you know." The doors opened and the knot in Quinn's stomach tightened as she ushered Rachel out of the elevator. Nervous fingers fumbled with her key ring and they clattered loudly to the floor. That was definitely not sexy. At all. Rachel probably wouldn't even want to kiss her now let along make love to her. Her cheeks burned red as she reached for them, fumbling a little more before she finally managed to open the door and she held it open for Rachel to enter first in a vague attempt to recover from dropping the keys.

As soon as Rachel walked through the door Quinn saw a large ball of black fur heading for the other woman and she tried to stop it but it was too late. "No! Dolly!" Quinn yelled just as the large dog jumped up and placed it's large paws on Rachel's shoulders. Dolly was known to knock guests over with her enthusiasm and size so Quinn held Rachel around the waist so she wouldn't fall. This was probably even less sexy then the whole dropping the keys incident. Who would still be in the mood after being attacked by a giant dog? "I'm so sorry, Rachel," Quinn said before pushing Dolly away and holding her by the collar. She walked her over to the dog bed in the corner and pointed at her sternly to stay, hoping this was the one time she would listen.

She sheepishly walked back to Rachel and wrapped her arms around her waist to pull her close. "Sorry about that," Quinn said quietly, her heart pounding out of her chest. Being close to Rachel in the privacy of her apartment was so much different then being close to her in the middle of the club. Now, everything seemed so much more intimate. Quinn became self conscious and hid her face in Rachel's neck, kissing the skin softly. "Are you sure you want this, baby?" she asked hoping her nerves didn't show through.

**Rachel:**

Rachel blushed as Quinn surprised her with a tender kiss in front of everyone. So much for trying to keep the conversation private. The gentleness Quinn kissed her with made Rachel feel like everyone was watching the exchange. Granted, not everyone knew their complex history, and to Jackie's friend and the other guy, they probably looked like a normal couple (which was terrifying in itself), but to Brittany and Santana it was perhaps a different case. The soft kiss was probably a shock. Or maybe it was entirely predictable, Rachel didn't even know anymore. "Yeah." she replied quietly, not entirely convincing even herself, but Quinn made her heart ache with kisses like that and she couldn't keep herself away.

They left the bar hand in hand, and by the time they were on the street, Quinn was holding her close. It should have unnerved her when she thought about how comfortable they still were, but it didn't cross her mind right then. She just smiled softly, listening to Quinn compliment her for the hundredth time that night. "You did. A few times." she replied, kissing a clothed shoulder. "Did I tell you how amazing _you_ look tonight?" she returned with a soft giggle. She was rewarded with teeth gently nicking against a particularly sensitive space on her neck. A soft whimper escaped her lips at that and just like that, the fire was reignited and she needed Quinn like never before.

The ride to Quinn's apartment went quickly, but with Quinn's every touch making her body heat up, it still wasn't quick enough. Soon they were heading up in the elevator while Quinn quickly became… nervous? Fortunately, Rachel had always found Quinn's flustered behavior around her quite endearing. And she couldn't complain when her eyes innocently drifted to the blonde's behind as the girl bent for her keys. Rachel wasn't particularly fazed by Quinn's sudden shift, she knew she got like this from time to time, especially when she was nervous. So Rachel was intent on calming Quinn down once they were on the inside, but the moment she stepped in…

"Shi—!" she shrieked as a massive blur launched at her. She stumbled back, so close to toppling over. The only thing that saved her from falling was Quinn's arm around her. She barely understood what was happening, her intoxicated mind struggling to catch up as the huge dog was dragged away by the blonde. Rachel just blinked with owlish eyes as the sheepish dog curled in her bed, and Quinn returned with pink cheeks and a nervous question on her lips.

Rachel didn't answer immediately. Deep breath, calm down, forget about killer dogs. She gently kissed her first, slow and purposeful with one hand curled around the side of her neck. "I want _you_." she both corrected and assured at once. "I want you so much." she whispered against her lips as her hand drifted under her shirt, feeling hot skin. She dropped a kiss to her nose. Her cheek. Her jaw. She was so soft, so caring that it was kind of…. loving. With steadier fingers, more confident, she began to unbutton her shirt from top to bottom. Then she pushed the fabric from her shoulders, leaving Quinn topless.

Now Rachel had seen Quinn topless a few times since she and Quinn had reunited again, but this felt completely different. Rachel didn't realize there was a difference before, but she realized that right now Quinn's body was all hers. It swept her breath away in one go, remembering this feeling with her heart in her throat. She didn't know what to say. "I…" deep breath, eyes still roaming pale skin. "I _missed_ you." but no matter how much she tried to emphasize her words, she didn't think Quinn could possibly comprehend how much she meant it.

They were back to kissing, with Rachel kissing down to her collarbone this time, which wasn't particularly hard given the circumstances. Her lips were usually at a great height for Quinn's collarbone. "Bedroom?" she prompted softly between kisses as she made her way back to those gorgeous lips. As Quinn led the way, they lost shoes and fumbled with buttons on the way, but it was all second to the heated kiss, growing more passionate by the moment.

**Quinn:**

Rachel's words of reassurance coupled with the kiss helped calm Quinn's nerves, her hands resting low on Rachel's hips. The tenderness of the kisses Rachel placed on Quinn's face made her heart swell three times over. Because for the first time in forever she felt..._loved_. It felt like Rachel loved her still and it was the most beautiful feeling. Her drunken mind concluded that this was it. This was the night that would change everything. Soon things would go back to how they used to be between them and it would happen tonight. Rachel had to love her still with the way she was kissing her. She had to.

The cool air in the apartment hit Quinn's overheated skin as soon as her top was pushed off, goosebumps erupting on her skin. She blushed under Rachel's gaze, her hands running up the petite woman's sides under her shirt. When Rachel finally spoke again, Quinn leaned down to connect their lips together once more. She knew it would be a while before she got over the fact that she was actually kissing Rachel again. "I missed you too," Quinn breathed out against Rachel's lips, "More than you know."

Quinn's hands slipped to Rachel's back as she kissed her collarbone, pulling her closer and nuzzling the side of her head. She nodded at her request and kissed Rachel once more before taking her hand and leading her towards the bedroom as she kicked her shoes off. Realizing the two seconds their bodies weren't touching was too long, Quinn turned around and pulled Rachel against her, kissing her deeply as she continued to walk backwards towards the bedroom. Her hands moved over the front of Rachel's shirt, undoing the buttons of her shirt as best she could. When they made it to the bedroom, Quinn closed the door and pressed Rachel against it. She undid the brunette's shirt the rest of the way and helped her shrug it off.

Her hands roamed up and down Rachel's sides, rubbing small circled on her hipbones with her thumbs before both hands flattened and moved up the expanse of Rachel's stomach and over her breasts briefly only to have her fingers tangle in brown hair. Quinn could already feel her pants tightening and she nipped at Rachel's bottom lip, tugging it gently between her teeth. She began to kiss down Rachel's neck, taking extra time to tease the spot where her neck and shoulder met. One hand fell back to Rachel's breast and needed it over the fabric of her bra. Rachel was just as soft and amazing as she remembered and just the thought that soon her mouth would be on her breasts made Quinn moan and press her hips into Rachel's. As much as she wanted to take this super slow and worship every inch of Rachel's skin she wasn't sure how long she'd be able to hold back. Three years was a _long _time and Quinn's dick was already straining painfully in her pants.

Reaching behind Rachel with the hand that currently wasn't occupied with her breast, she undid the brunette's bra. She pulled away from Rachel's neck and watched in wonder as she pulled the straps down her arms, leaving her chest exposed to Quinn's hungry eyes. "God," Quinn whispered to herself as she took in Rachel's breasts. Unable to resist Quinn leaned down and took a covered Rachel's breast with her mouth, her tongue swirling around the nipple. After a few moments of teasing, she pulled away and gave the other breast the same attention. She really could have spent all night just working her mouth over Rachel's breasts but her knees were beginning to get weak so she captured Rachel's lips in a passionate kiss, pulling them away from the wall and backing towards the bed. When the back of her knees hit the bed she sat down and brought Rachel down with her, her knees on either side of Quinn's thighs.

Quinn slowed down for a moment, just looking up at Rachel's darkened eyes, her full lips parted and swollen from kissing. She ran her hands up Rachel's naked back and pulled their torsos closer. "You're so beautiful," Quinn said kissing between Rachel's breasts and looking back up at her, "More beautiful than I remember."

**Rachel:**

Rachel's head tipped back against the door, giving Quinn full access to her neck while she worked her buttons down her shirt, shifting the top off easily. This was usually where she grew nervous, always just that tiny bit insecure about her body still, even though she had worked her ass off (almost literally) to get back to the shape she was before she had Elizabeth. But Quinn was… well she was _hard, _and she was pressing against Rachel with the kind of insistence that made Rachel think she can't have looked too bad if Quinn still wanted her this badly.

And once the bra was gone, Rachel's confidence was back to its full extent, even going as far as letting out a quiet giggle at Quinn's response. Of course, that only lasted until she felt a hot mouth wrap around her hardened nipple. Her head fell back to the door with a thud, mouth open in a silent gasp. "God, Quinn," she breathed out, only to be willingly silenced by a hard kiss as they began walking back towards the bed. Rachel almost forgot how good they were at this together.

She took the hint given, climbing on top of Quinn with her knees dipping into the mattress either side of her thighs. Given that they were both still half dressed, it wasn't ideal, but she loved the position too much to complain. From here, she could feel the firm press of Quinn's dick through her pants, with the advantage of being so close to her everywhere else too. It had always been a favorite of Rachel's.

In response to Quinn's lovely words, Rachel peppered kisses across her face, from one cheek, across the bridge of her nose, all the way to the other cheek. She wanted to say that she just grew up, that she was just fractionally different now, and that Quinn was too; she could see it. But she didn't want to bring up the fact that they had both missed the most unexpectedly crucial three years of each other's lives.

So Rachel said nothing of it, just smiling softly as she dipped her head to kiss Quinn slowly and deeply, hips rolling of their own accord to find the friction she was craving. Though through both Quinn's pants, and her own jeans (no matter how tight they may have been) it wasn't enough. She let out a frustrated breath against Quinn's lips, impatiently removing her bra because she had to get rid of _something_.

"Oh," she breathed out, suddenly forgetting her frustration. How terribly embarrassing that she had giggled at Quinn's reaction to her breasts, and yet here she was, frozen in the same way. Maybe they hadn't grown up that much. They were both still those overeager and slightly nervous teens who first made love to each other when they were just college freshmen, it seemed. "You're _so_ pretty." she said in that awestruck way she always felt whenever she looked at Quinn. Like, _really_ looked at her. Quinn was one of those girls who just defied the laws of nature with how devastatingly beautiful she was. Rachel thought she was the stuff Disney princesses were made of.

She surged in for another, reinvigorated kiss with her hands both covering Quinn's breasts possessively, thumbs brushing the sensitive nipples and hips grinding forwards. "You're still wearing too much." she complained breathlessly, and as if to emphasize her point, her hand dropped between them, cupping the growing bulge in Quinn's pants. Of course, movement was entirely restricted, and it just wouldn't do. She managed to tug the belt free, pulling with such force that the leather snapped back against itself, cracking loudly. Rachel raised her eyebrow with a giggle, a little bit impressed with herself for such a smooth move. And she absently noted that being able to smile and even laugh with someone while you're both half naked and hungry for each other is a luxury not afforded to everyone. It reminded her not to take this night for granted. Because they totally would not be doing it again. Right?

**Quinn:**

When Rachel rolled her hips down into Quinn, she silently cursed herself for not thinking ahead to remove their pants. It was almost painful how tight her pants were and in her delirious state, she quickly pulled her bra off when Rachel undid it. Rachel's reaction to her naked chest made a blush fall over her body. No matter how often she was told how pretty or beautiful she was by other people, it never meant as much as just one little look from Rachel. With others Quinn could ignore it or convince herself otherwise. But with Rachel there was no denying that look on her face and it made Quinn feel like the prettiest girl in the world.

Quinn groaned against Rachel's lips, her bulge growing impossibly harder with each swipe of Rachel's thumbs over her nipples. She had never forgotten how good and comfortable it felt to be with Rachel, but this night was just a reminder of all that. There was no awkward fumbling, misplaced groping or a multitude of 'oops, sorry' - s like the other vague attempts Quinn had made (and failed) at being intimate with anyone else. It was just all so easy with Rachel that Quinn questioned why she would ever even try with someone else.

Her hips bucked up into Rachel's hand when she cupped her, making her whimper pathetically. She really needed more. The loud snapping of the leather caught Quinn by surprise and she snorted. "That was ridiculous and...unexpectedly hot," Quinn chuckled as she brushed another kiss along Rachel's collarbone. Now the pants _really _needed to come off. She urged Rachel up off the mattress and had to resist the urge to pull her back down when the pressure of her body left her lap. Tugging her by the belt loops of her pants, Quinn pulled Rachel between her legs as her fingers popped open the button of her jeans and tugged down the zipper. She licked her lips as Rachel's panties came into view, peaking through the open zipper of her pants. She watched in wonderment as she tugged Rachel's jeans over her hips and down her legs, her heart pounding faster with each new inch of skin that was exposed. Quinn started placing hot, open mouthed kisses on Rachel's hipbone, across the waist of her panties to the other hip as she tugged the brunette's pants down the rest of the way. Her nose brushed against the soft skin of Rachel's stomach and her tongue took it's time tasting the slightly sweaty flesh. God she missed this.

Unable to stand it anymore, Quinn stood up and undid her own pants, pushing them down at kicking them to the side unceremoniously. Standing in front of Rachel in just her boxers, a new wave of self consciousness hit Quinn. She felt so exposed and Rachel was so beautiful and what if she didn't want her anymore? What if she decided right now that they had already gone too far?

Trying to shake those thoughts from her head, Quinn sat back down on the mattress and pulled Rachel back on top of her to resume the position they were in before. She left their underwear on not just to prevent herself from ramming into Rachel the first chance she got, but also as their last piece of insurance. The last chance to turn back. She would leave all that up to Rachel, she decided.

Quinn tangled her fingers in the hair at the base of Rachel's skull and brought her in for another kiss. It was slow and deep as she tried to remind herself that this wasn't a dream. This was real. Rachel was on top of her and they were about to have sex. No. Make _love_. This would be their second first. The new beginning of their new relationship. Right? Right. Because there was no going back now. They weren't strangers who happened to meet in a bar where one could easily forget the other the next day. This was _them_. They had been in love once, right? They had a baby together! They couldn't just sleep together and then go back to how things were. Plus, Rachel didn't just want sex. She wanted to make love. Two entirely different things that had Quinn convinced that this was the point they would start over.

"I need you," Quinn gasped out, one hand roaming up the smooth expanse of Rachel's back. She hoped Rachel would realize the double meaning in those words and see how they extended beyond tonight.

**Rachel:**

Rachel laughed with Quinn, a grin slipping onto her lips easily. "I'm sure you thought the same thing when I first hit on you." she replied, though it was generous to say Rachel had hit on Quinn. The reality was far from it. Details were still fuzzy to this day, and both of them disagreed on certain parts, but Rachel couldn't deny the painstakingly obvious. She had gotten herself embarrassingly drunk one night, and in an impromptu confession of her years of crushing on the blonde, she threw herself at Quinn (quite literally) and began to undress. Yeah. Even after years of dating and a _child_ together, Rachel still blushed when she thought back to it. But Quinn, ever the gentlewoman, stayed through the night even when Rachel unexpectedly fell asleep on top of her, completely topless. As for what Rachel had actually said that night… well, that wasn't important, and she did not plan to revisit _that_.

But perhaps far more unexpected than any of that, or how hot the snap of leather sounded to four drunk ears, was the sudden rush of butterflies when she was eased between Quinn's legs, hot breath sweeping across her skin, followed by cool air as denim was tugged down over her legs, and finally warmed again by Quinn's tongue tasting her. Her breathing picked up again, heart racing as she awaited Quinn's next move (and half-hoping it involved her mouth kissing lower and lower while stripping Rachel of her last item of clothing— to no avail.) Her fingers ran through soft, blonde hair as she let that tongue tease her into a state of pure need.

It took her by surprise when Quinn stood, but the moment she realized what she was doing, her gaze darkened and her tongue crept out to lick at kiss-swollen lips. She could see Quinn's full length pressing against the fabric of her boxers in a way that made Rachel just _burn_. She bit into her bottom lip, wanting nothing more than a little bit of pressure right _there, _where she so desperately needed it.

But frustration mounted when the blonde pulled her back on top again, and Rachel was still pantie-clad, and Quinn was equally covered. She was about to complain, but then the girl pulled her into a kiss that made her whimper quietly. With the simple gesture, she softened considerably. "You have me," she whispered breathlessly between their lips meeting, without really stopping the kiss.

Some time later, after hot kisses and colliding hips, Rachel couldn't take it anymore. "Hold on." she climbed from Quinn's lap once again, and holding eye contact, she hooked her thumbs in her panties and dragged them down her thighs. Slowly. Honestly, she was just glad Quinn hadn't complained about the fact that she was wearing underwear with ice cream cones on the front (because god, what was she, twelve? But it's not like she had planned for this to happen when she first stepped out.)

As the final garment fell to her ankles, she stood completely bare in front of the girl she had once been so desperately in love with. "Lay back." she husked, pushing lightly on a delicate shoulder to indicate where she wanted her. Once Quinn had obliged, Rachel hovered above her, wasting no time before she began sweeping light kisses along the waistband of her boxers. Quinn's skin was hot and when her tongue peeked out to sneak a taste of that flawless skin, a shiver washed through her at the slightly salty flavor of mildly sweaty skin from hours of heating each other up and up and up.

She could tell Quinn was still just that tiny bit unsure, which was precisely why Rachel was doing this. She'd show Quinn that there was no reason to hesitate; she was beautiful, she was wanted. God, did Rachel want her. Her kisses drifted lower, eyes flicking up to meet stormy hazels as her lips dragged along the length of Quinn's erection through her boxers, only to kiss her way back up again. Tucking her fingers into the waistband of Quinn's boxers, she carefully pulled them down, swallowing hard at the sight revealed to her _finally_. "You're so beautiful, Quinn." she murmured, kissing her way back up to Quinn's lips, only stopping briefly to graze her teeth over her collarbone. Her fingers curled around the base of Quinn's dick, stroking upward first, slowly. "And you feel so good." she added, her thumb lightly swirling over the head as she dipped her head close enough to kiss Quinn with slow purpose. Unable to stand the teasing herself, Rachel straddled one of Quinn's thighs, shamelessly rocking herself against her in time with the slow strokes of her hand. Hopefully by now, Quinn trusted that she had no reason to feel so nervous…


	11. Gettin' Crunk, pt2

**Quinn:**

Quinn groaned when Rachel pulled away, her hands reaching for her like a child whose favorite toy was taken away. But once she saw what Rachel was doing she let her hands fall and watched with rapt attention. Only Rachel could make ice cream cone panties look sexy. And damn if it wasn't one of the sexiest things she had ever seen. She would never be able to look at ice cream the same way again. Quinn swallowed thickly, her eyes leaving Rachel's to stare blatantly at the woman before her. God she really missed this.

Quinn complied with Rachel's request, not that she would have been able to deny her anyways with her being all naked and stuff. Her hands searched for a place to go before finally settling along Rachel's upper arms. She let out a long sigh, her stomach muscles twitching with each sweep of Rachel's lips over her skin. She watched as Rachel's mouth moved lower and lips brushed along her length. The fabric of Quinn's boxers rubbed against her erection with Rachel's lips against it and she bit her lip to the point she was sure she could taste blood. Her fingers curled into the sheets as Rachel pulled down her last article of clothing, her heart beating rapidly as she waited for the fall out. She was always waiting for the fall out.

But Rachel's compliments lifted some of the anxiety as she kissed Rachel again, her fingers digging softly into her hips. Quinn's hips bucked up as soon as Rachel closed her fist around her painfully hard dick. She blushed at her body's over eager response to Rachel's touch but her embarrassment was soon forgotten as the hand began to move. She let out a string of unintelligible curses, thankful when Rachel's lips descended on hers to stop her from saying anything stupid. Quinn's mind was mush as pleasure ran up her body, just from Rachel's hand. Christ, she couldn't even imagine what it would be like when she was actually inside her.

Feeling Rachel rocking against her thigh, her core hot and dripping, knocked Quinn from her pleasure induced daze and she kicked into command mode. She grasped Rachel's ass, squeezing it before flipping them over so that Quinn was on top of her, their lips never parting. Rachel's legs cradled Quinn's hips and the blonde instinctively rotated her hips into brunette's. They were in the perfect position that Quinn's dick was pressed against Rachel's hot core. "Fuck," she breathed out against Rachel's lips as she continued to grind into her. She could feel Rachel's arousal on her erection and she realized it had been forever since she _tasted _her. That needed to be fixed right away.

She began to kiss slowly down Rachel's body,, spending extra time on her breasts and scraping her teeth lightly over the hardened nipple before continuing. As her kisses moved downward, she stopped at Rachel's hip, sucking on the hollow. She pulled away, a small thrill going through her when she saw the beginnings of a bruise on the tan skin. Lifting Rachel's leg over her shoulder, Quinn kissed along the inside of her thigh, the smell of Rachel's arousal making her dizzy until the point she couldn't take it anymore. Without another moment of hesitation, Quinn dragged her tongue along drenched folds, moaning at the taste of Rachel on her tongue. She found her clit and slowly circled it with her tongue, her eyes flickering up to Rachel's almost black ones as she sucking it into her mouth. One hand stroked Rachel's stomach while the other teased along Rachel's inner thigh, fingers itching for an opportunity to bury themselves deep into the writhing woman below her.

**Rachel:**

This could have been a choreographed dance for them. They were perfectly in sync, and when Quinn wanted to roll them over, Rachel wordlessly predicted it, moving easily with her girl.

Yeah. _Her_ girl.

"Yeah," she agreed deliriously to Quinn's whispered _fuck. _Because god, yes, she could feel Quinn's erection nudging her right _there_ making her grind her hips forward, gaining smooth friction thanks to how devastatingly wet Quinn made her. Rachel was ready for Quinn to just slide home and make her scream already, but apparently something had changed for the author on top of her, and suddenly Quinn wasn't just on top. She was going… down? OH! Rachel's eyes widened just for a second when it all dawned on her, because no one had done this to her in… well, about three years. "Oh my god," she breathed, head dropping back to the pillow as she closed her eyes and let herself relax into the soft kisses trailing down her body. And when she felt a pressure at her hip, she knew Quinn was leaving her mark. "Oh that's…" she didn't finish her sentence but it was obvious that she was enjoying it by the way her hips rolled up to urge Quinn to hurry up. She almost wished the mark was a more visible one, so everyone she passed would know that she was someone else's girl. But on her hip, somewhere just for her… Well that was exciting in different ways that she couldn't fully comprehend while she was drunk on Quinn Fabray and a few strong drinks.

Without warning, Rachel felt a tongue lightly dragging against her, followed my a moan vibrating through her. Oh _god_. Her hips bucked upwards, back arching slightly as shivers wound up and down her spine, because Jesus, Quinn actually _moaned_ at how she tasted. Sensing eyes on her, she forced herself to open her own, looking down between her legs to find hazel eyes clouded with lust watching her as… "Oh!" she whimpered, curling her toes when her sensitive clit was tugged between two perfect, pink lips and sucked slowly. Her eyes were closed again, hips writhing. She was already close, so embarrassingly fast. But it had been a long time since she'd been intimate with anyone, and even longer since anyone spent the time focusing on her pleasure more than their own. Deliriously, she concluded that it was better to let herself come as quickly as her body wanted her to now, so she could give Quinn a long, slow ride after. After all, if it really had been three years for Quinn… Well then Rachel thought the birthday girl deserved a spectacular night.

Dropping her hands to the head of blonde between her thighs, she arched her back at a particularly good… _something_. Honestly, her mind was reeling, too far gone to keep track of all the magical things Quinn was doing. She didn't even realize how much she missed it until she got a taste of this kind of selfish pleasure again. "Quinn, oh my—" she cut herself off with a gasp, muscles in her stomach tensing as her orgasm approached rapidly. "I'm so close."

If it felt this good to have Quinn's mouth on her, she couldn't wait to feel the woman inside her. The thought alone made her writhe, though that could have equally been down to the tongue rubbing against her clit precisely the way she loved, coaxing it easily from its hood to take her to new heights of pleasure.

In a final, frantic rush of bad words and praise to the heavens, Rachel's pleasure mounted and she let go with a breathless whimper of her ex girlfriend's name, losing all sense of rhythm as she did. Her fingers grabbed helplessly at Quinn's lovely blonde hair, trying to keep her exactly where she was because surely nothing could possibly feel any better than this right here. "_Quinn!_"

She rode out wave after wave of bliss, until finally it became too much and she had to push Quinn away gently. However the sight she was greeted with was one that pushed her all the way back to square one; just dying to have the other girl. Quinn's face was flushed and shiny, her lips and chin wet with Rachel's juices, and her hair sticking up from Rachel's meddling fingers. "You look amazing." she said dazedly as she pulled her up for a hard kiss full of hunger, though it was still a little clumsy from the dizzy mind skewed by climax. One hand curled at the side of her damp neck while the other skimmed its way up her side, feeling her ribs expand with rapid breathing. "Can I be on top?" she whispered, already rolling them both over so Quinn was between her legs with her back to the mattress. Truthfully, she was only ever confident enough to be on top with Quinn, but in a funny sort of way that made it even better.

Her teeth caught her swollen bottom lip as she gently rocked herself against Quinn's hard dick. "I need you inside me," she whispered with a light blush, which was silly, all things considered. But it was there nonetheless.

**Quinn:**

Quinn could tell by the way Rachel's hips were moving and the small sounds escaping her lips that she was close. She was a little disappointed that she wouldn't be able to spend too long with her mouth on Rachel but at the same time it was a bit of an ego boost that the brunette was already this close to coming. In the back of her mind she thought that it might be just because Rachel hadn't been with anyone in a long time as opposed to Quinn's bedroom skills, but even if that was the case, it was still nice to know that Rachel hadn't been with anyone for a while. In a completely selfish way, of course. But it didn't make it any less nice. Quinn had been pretty much celibate since they broke up, unable and unwilling to share that part of her with someone that wasn't Rachel. She had always secretly hoped that Rachel felt the same and hadn't had anyone else. It would probably devastate her if she found out Rachel had been with a lot of people since them.

Without another moment of hesitation, Quinn slowly sank two fingers into Rachel's moist heat, moaning softly as she continued to suck on her clit. If Rachel's pussy still felt this amazing against her fingers she could only imagine how it would feel around her dick. Her fingers stroked and curled, hitting the spot in Rachel that she knew would make her come. Though it didn't seem it would take much at all with the way her pussy was already clenching around her fingers. With just a few more strokes of Quinn's tongue and a few thrusts of her fingers, she felt Rachel come undone with her name falling from her lips in the most beautiful way Quinn ever heard.

She kept stroking Rachel's clit through her orgasm, helping her ride out her orgasm until she finally let her head be pushed away. She looked up at Rachel, a cocky smirk on her face at Rachel's obviously dazed words. Quinn crawled up Rachel's body, returning Rachel's hungry kiss with her hands braced against the mattress on either side of the brunette's head. She let Rachel roll them over, smiling up at Rachel and running her hands up and down her sides. "You're beautiful," Quinn whispered, her hands covering Rachel's breasts as she tilted her hips up towards Rachel's center. "I need to be in you, baby, please," Quinn all but whimpered, her hands squeezing Rachel's breasts.

It was embarrassing to be practically begging Rachel like this but she was on top and the one with all the power. The feeling of Rachel's slick heat pressing down against her, spreading her arousal over Quinn's member was beyond amazing but only reminded her that she needed to be _inside_ her. But there was nothing she could do with Rachel on top of her like that. It had to be Rachel who made the next move. She couldn't wait to feel Rachel around her, squeezing her. She wanted to watch Rachel moving on top of her with her muscles moving under glistening tan skin, breasts bouncing with each thrust of Quinn's hips. God just the thought of it made Quinn groan. "Babylove," she whimpered with her hands on Rachel's hips, pressing her down against her as Quinn ground up into her, "Please."

**Rachel:**

There are a few simple rules to life. Some are obvious, like don't sleep with your ex if you want an easy ride (no pun intended.) And some are things that have to be learned the hard way. Like don't start to wonder if you're still in love with your ex girlfriend when you're naked on top of her. But some things can't be helped, especially not when that ex girlfriend calls you _babylove_. Honestly, that silly name would be the death of her. She used to cringe at it when they first coined the cheesy nickname, but over time it had somehow become a regular thing, and eventually something that actually made her heart skip a few beats every time she heard it. Even three years later.

Her hungry expression and blazing eyes softened into a warm smile, and an affectionate giggle when she heard it. "Babylove, huh?" she echoed, slowing down for a moment to just enjoy the moment. She had gotten herself so worked up in the heat of the moment that she was beginning to rush things. But that wasn't right, not now, not the two of them. Her fingers trailed down Quinn's middle and she leaned her way down to kiss between two perfect breasts. She lingered there, eyes closing as she lost herself in the rhythm of Quinn's heart beneath her rib cage. "This is the best place in the world," she sighed, hoping Quinn would understand what she meant. Her lips dragged upwards smoothly against the damp skin up to her neck. "Here, with you." she kissed her neck softly.

With her hands still carefully braced either side of the blonde below her, and her lips still on that delicate skin, she gently lowered her hips, feeling the first few inches of Quinn's dick slide inside her. Her breath hitched at the sensation, lips stilling against her neck. Lowering herself further, she settled herself completely so the backs of her thighs were pressed to the tops of Quinn's. Every inch the blonde had to give was buried inside Rachel. She moaned softly against her lips, natural, not forced. "_Quinn_." She rocked her hips experimentally, bucking slightly when sparks of pleasure rocked her to the core. Literally.

With shaky muscles, she pushed herself up so she was sitting up again. She felt bare and exposed and Quinn's eyes on her made her so desperately _wet_. It was here, looking down at her ex girlfriend as they built a rhythm together, that she really began to consider her feelings for the girl. This gorgeous author who looked at her like she was the most beautiful girl in the world, _still_. Was this really just a quick fuck? A one night stand? Because her heart was _pounding _like she should be feeling some kind of revelation right now. But it was a revelation she was too afraid to properly acknowledge.

"Come up here with me," she whispered, hungering for more contact between the two of them. "I need more of you." she added, already lifting herself until Quinn was barely inside her anymore, only to sink back down onto her again. The blonde sat up with her and Rachel slid her arms around her slender neck, holding her close. She felt out of her mind with how good Quinn felt this close to her. Soft sounds escaped her lips as they moved together, perfectly in sync.

Through heavy-lidded eyes, she caught sight of something on Quinn's bedside. A picture of the two of them. And then, tucked into the corner, a more recent picture of herself and Elizabeth. Rachel felt a rush of emotion, nuzzling her nose into that secret space behind Quinn's ear. "Quinn, you…" she sighed out as she cut herself off, moving her hips with more purpose as pleasure shuddered through her in waves. She clenched down on the girl moving inside her with a soft whimper of pure pleasure. "You have our picture," she whispered, eyes screwing shut to steel herself against that unidentified ache in her chest. It wasn't an ideal time to talk about it, granted, but she couldn't help herself from bringing it up, because it was three years later on, and god, did Quinn still… still _love_ her? Enough to fall asleep beside a picture of her every night? She had to bite her lip hard to keep from spilling out all kinds of confessions of how much she had missed her, how much she still felt.

**Quinn:**

Quinn blushed a little when Rachel called her out on the use of the nickname, returning the smile as she forgot her need for a moment. "Yeah," she whispered brushing her thumb over the mark she had left on Rachel's hip, "you'll always be my babylove. No matter what." Well, those were words she knew she would regret in the morning. But right now with the alcohol still in her blood and Rachel was acting like she still _loved _her. You don't treat a one night stand like this. Hell, you don't even use your ex as a one night stand. So she let out a sigh as Rachel kissed her chest, letting her fingers move over the smooth tan skin of her back.

It only took Rachel sinking down on Quinn and her saying things like being with her was the best place in the world to convince the blonde that Rachel _did _still love her. She had to. There was nothing that could convince Quinn otherwise. Her head tilted back against the pillow at the feeling of Rachel around her, squeezing her. Quinn's back arched up when she was completely inside Rachel, her mind clouding in pleasure and with just the pure feeling of being _loved _again. It made Quinn's heart thump out of her chest on the point of being painful. She let out a long moan when Rachel rocked on top of her, her own hips bucking up into the petite woman.

Her breathing picked up as she watched Rachel above her, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. Hazel eyes wandered from brown to watch the muscles in Rachel's neck strain as she lifted herself up again. She couldn't help but lift her head a little to let her eyes fall to where they joined just as Rachel's core swallowed her dick again and she whimpered, her head falling back against the pillow. She held tightly onto Rachel's hips and thrust up into her every time she came down onto her, shocks of pleasure shooting through her body with each movement they made together. This was ten times more amazing then she remembered and she never wanted it to end even though she could feel like she was already getting close. But after all, it _had _been three years.

She nodded at Rachel's order, sitting up and wrapping her arms completely around the other woman. Quinn didn't think that this could get any more amazing but this, right here, with Rachel's body pressed so completely to hers as they got into a delicious rhythm that made their breasts rub together in just the right way...well, nothing could ever get better than this. She pressed soft kisses between Rachel's breasts up to her collarbone, her tongue trailing from the back of her neck up to her jaw to taste the soft skin, salty with sweat. Quinn grunted a little as she thrust up into the brunette as best as she could from this position.

"You feel so good," Quinn whispered deliriously as she moved her kisses back down to where neck met shoulder, nipping and sucking the skin, "I missed you so much. So so much." Because it was true. Rachel was squeezing her and massaging around her in a way she knew no one else ever could. Not that she had ever bothered testing that to find out but that was besides the point.

Quinn nipped extra hard on Rachel's neck when she nuzzled against the spot behind her ear that no one else had ever been able to find. She faltered in her rhythm for a moment when Rachel brought up the picture on her nightstand. She really should have hid that before she brought Rachel into the bedroom but they had been half naked at the time and she wasn't thinking properly. Regaining her rhythm, and matching Rachel's quickened pace, Quinn nodded against her neck. "I never stopped-," Quinn stopped herself before a love confession fell from her lips. She pulled her face from Rachel's neck and kissed her lightly before pressing their foreheads together, "You're it for me. I told you."

Quinn kissed Rachel again as she felt a coiling low in her belly. She held onto her hips even tighter and thrust faster into her, angling her hips a little so that her tip was hitting that spot inside Rachel that she knew would make her clench even tighter around her. "_Rachel,_" Quinn moaned out, screwing her eyes shut as she tried to keep off her own orgasm while trying to get Rachel to her own. "Come for me, baby," Quinn husked out against her neck, "I'm so close."

**Rachel:**

Even now, the situation they were in scared her. It was the same kind of fear as standing at the edge of a very, very high building and knowing that if you fall, you'll be irreparably damaged, but feeling unable to walk away because the sheer thrill and your racing heart keeps you right there, marveling at the view, the rush, the everything.

Quinn was her tall building, and Rachel was at the very edge. She was at the edge of a million things. Tears. Falling. Climax. To name a few.

She felt Quinn nod, still holed up in the crook of her neck before her explanation began to come out. Rachel panicked, tensing when she thought Quinn was going to mention the L word. _Love_. It had become a dirty word these days, so when she thought Quinn was going to say it, she almost rushed to kiss her and shut her up, but she never got the chance. Quinn said it all in a way that made it feel okay. Her heart jumped in her chest as the moved together, foreheads pressed together and their noses occasionally bumping. "Don't ever stop thinking that," she whispered in a moment of vulnerability that she would hate herself for later on. But for now, it did't register just how bad it was to ask something like that of Quinn. "Please,"

Quinn redoubled and re-angled her pace until she was hitting all the right spots to make Rachel just about lose her mind. She scrabbled for Quinn's shoulders, her neat little nails leaving their mark when she used Quinn's body for leverage to help herself ride Quinn that bit harder. Her back bowed, torso pressing into Quinn, with her head tipped back. Quinn's _voice_. She always sounded so beautiful like this. "Come with me," she whispered, pressing clumsy kisses across one cheek. "Come with me, baby." she repeated, groping blindly for one of Quinn's hands to lace fingers with as pleasure mounted and finally…

With a soft cry of Quinn's name, Rachel let go, only dimly registering Quinn's own orgasm hit a few moments later. They rode it out together, slowing gradually until Rachel's forehead dropped to Quinn's shoulder, exhausted and still dizzy. They sure knew how to make love, even if they didn't know how to talk.

"The picture's beautiful," was the first thing she said after minutes of silence filled only by their heavy breathing. She could feel tears welling up, but god, how awkward. She didn't want to be _that_ girl. Who cries after sex anyway? So with a sniffle, she forced the tears away and pulled back to really look at Quinn. It was strange, now the fog of pure lust had been lifted, things felt… different. Naked with her ex-girlfriend still inside her. Little bruises from hard kisses on her skin made up a language Rachel couldn't decipher yet, and probably didn't want to anyway. "Can I— um." she blushed darkly. "Can I sleep over?" It may have been a silly thing to ask now, but the nerves of maybe being expected to leave made her just _have_ to ask before she could relax into Quinn's side in the snuggly way they usually did now.

**Quinn:**

Quinn's heart was soaring because Rachel didn't want her to stop seeing her as _it. _As the only one for her. That was as good as a love confession to Quinn. Because if Rachel didn't want Quinn to get over her it was because she felt the same way. Just the thought almost made tears spring to the blonde's eyes and she swallowed thickly. "Never, babylove," Quinn answered, a small smile on her face.

Rachel's nails in her shoulders caused Quinn to let out a soft moan as she placed sloppy kisses across Rachel's chest when her body bowed. Quinn always thought Rachel was beautiful but she thought this was possibly when she was most beautiful. Uninhibited, just on the verge of climax. It was one of Quinn's favorite things in the world. "Together," Quinn managed to breath out as her breathing became more labored and her orgasm got closer. Her arms firmly around Rachel's waist, she moved into her with more purpose, her pace faltering as her own orgasm approached rapidly. When she felt Rachel's body stiffen and her muscles clench around her, she forced her eyes open to watch as Rachel came undone. Just the sight of Rachel's eyes shut, her jaw unhinged in pleasure, made Quinn hit her climax, releasing inside of the brunette with a loud moan.

"Oh god," she whimpered out as she held Rachel closer, biting her own lip hard enough that she tasted blood. Their rocking slowed and Quinn kept her eyes shut, afraid that if she opened them she would realize this had all been a dream. She didn't want it to be a dream because Rachel was in her arms and she still loved Quinn and they just _made love_. If this was a dream it would be the cruelest dream she had ever experienced.

Rachel's voice caused her eyes to flutter open again and she smiled. "It's beautiful because it's us. We were beautiful...we _are _beautiful. Like this. Together," Quinn said brushing her lips along the shell of Rachel's ear. The orgasm had completely destroyed her filter of what was appropriate to say to Rachel and what should probably be stored away for later.

When Rachel pulled away, Quinn brushed some dark hair from her face and kissed her nose. A gesture that seemed ridiculously intimate even after what they had just done. Quinn smiled widely at Rachel's question, nodding lazily still in the haze of her orgasm. "Of course, babylove," Quinn answered, "I'd be offended if you didn't." She dropped soft kisses all along Rachel's face before finally dropping one to her lips. "That was amazing," she breathed against Rachel's full lips, "_You're _amazing."

Her abs burning, Quinn laid back on the bed and brought Rachel down with her so their bodies were still connected. In all ways possible. Quinn wasn't ready to sever that particular connection yet, but she figured she probably should or she might get hard again. So with a whimper she pulled out, her body feeling suddenly cold. She reached down as best she could with Rachel still on top of her and pulled a blanket up over them. "Are you okay, Princess?" Quinn asked nuzzling Rachel's cheek.

**Rachel:**

Rachel was in no position to disagree with that. They were gorgeous, just like this, sweaty and panting and still moving together because their bodies even knew to breathe at the same pace. "Yeah," she agreed quietly. "We're so good together." that much had always been obvious. She tilted her head a little, leaning into the soft lips against her ear. Quinn knew how to just make her melt. She was the only one who ever could.

When they finally pulled back to look at each other, Quinn toyed with her hair, brushing a slightly damp curl from her face in a way that made the brunette blush, even after making love to each other like that. It was a good kind of blush though. She brushed her thumb over the corner of Quinn's lazy smile (and oh, her heart. That lazy smile could make a girl weak at the knees.) "You've been biting your lip." she stated softly with a sympathetic smile as she noted the faded pink around her lips. She wondered if she had kissed the little pinpricks of blood away without realizing. With a soft chuckle, she mumbled. "Bite me next time instead," before leaning in to give her a teasing kiss on the lips.

When Quinn answered her shy request with such innocent confidence, she couldn't help the way her smile grew into a wide grin. "I wouldn't leave now. Your bed's comfier than mine." she joked lightly as light kisses rained down on her face, and finally, a soft one to her lips, much like the one delivered to her when she nervously asked if this was a good idea (which, incidentally, it was.) These were her favorite kisses.

"You're _so_ beautiful, I can't even believe it." she sighed with a dreamy smile as they both laid back to the bed, with Rachel still pressed into Quinn's front.

As they curled into the bed, relaxing under the blanket, Rachel turned her head quickly to steal a sneaky kiss when Quinn was close to her cheek. "Better than okay." she traced her collarbone lightly with feather light fingers, then turned on her side, her back facing Quinn so she could reach out and trace the smiling faces in that photograph. She wasn't over it. Just its existence shocked her. "I can't believe that's us." she whispered, kissing her fingertip and pressing it to the pair. "We were so in love." she sighed softly, shifting back enough to feel Quinn's front press into her. "I miss that."

**Quinn:**

_Next time_. There would be a next time. Quinn knew this wasn't a one night thing. She _knew _it and Rachel just confirmed it. There would be a next time. Her smile widened as Rachel kissed her, the high amount of endorphins already coursing through her body from the orgasm taking a significant spike. Because there would be a next time. And Quinn couldn't get over it.

Quinn blushed at Rachel's compliment, shaking her head a little in protest and causing some hair to fall in front of her face. When Rachel turned from her, Quinn followed her movements so that her front was pressed to the brunette's back, not wanting to ever be apart again. She placed feather light kisses along her shoulder as Rachel looked at the picture of the two of them. Quinn's initial embarrassment for having the picture up was gone now that Rachel seemed so fascinated with it. Plus there would be a next time because Rachel still loved her.

When Rachel shifted to press more fully into Quinn's front, she ran her hand over the brunette's hip before settling her arm around her. She traced a pattern on Rachel's stomach with her fingers and kissed the shell of Rachel's ear. "We could- you don't have to miss it," Quinn said softly, "we could be like that. Again."

Despite the fact that Quinn was _sure _Rachel still had feelings for her, she was still nervous. Because she was basically asking Rachel to be in love with her again. To go back to before their relationship was tainted by Quinn's cowardly ways. But Quinn wanted it. Oh, how she wanted it. And if Rachel still felt for her then it wouldn't be too hard. Right? Rachel wanted this too. For Quinn, all evidence of tonight pointed to Rachel still loving her. And if that was the case she had nothing to worry about. Because she was so desperately in love with Rachel that it hurt. It literally hurt. And this night had been so healing for her.

"You make me feel like me again," Quinn continued, "Like someone cares. Like I matter. I missed you, Rach." She snuggled further into Rachel, pulling her closer and molding their bodies together perfectly. This was how she wanted to fall asleep every night from now until well, forever really. But it was still a question of whether Rachel would let her. So she kissed Rachel's ear softly, waiting for her reply with growing anxiousness.

**Rachel:**

It felt like being doused in ice water. Regret began to seep into every corner of her bones. No, not because they had slept together, that was… that was _gorgeous_. But the things she had said. _Admitted_. It all hit her with bracing force. She was leading Quinn on, and even while she felt this kind of paralyzing guilt, she knew she didn't want to put an end to it.

She rolled the other way, facing Quinn again, now surrounded by Quinn's limbs and warmth. She was sure Quinn would read her mind through her guilty eyes, but she tried to push it all far down. "Baby," she broached the subject with caution. Why did Quinn have to say that now, on her birthday. Rachel didn't want to be the bitch who broke her heart on her birthday, even if it was arrogant to think that she could. "I care. I care about you more than you can possibly know and more than I can possibly bring myself to tell you." she placed a hand on Quinn's chest, against her heart. "And you _matter_. You, Quinn Fabray, are such an important force in the world, in _my_ world. You always have been, even before I threw my topless body at you." she tried to lighten the mood with a weak joke. "And you always will be. You're…" she sighed. She needed to get to the point before she gave Quinn some kind of false hope. "You're it for me too, you really are. Just… not now." Rachel swallowed hard, looking up to sparkly hazel eyes. "Please understand what I'm saying. You have to know what I mean. There's no one else, there never will be. And this, here, now…" she sighed, lips pulling into a smile even though her heart was heavy. Her mouth just couldn't help itself. Quinn made her smile. "This is heaven on earth. With you, like this. I could stay here forever."

She sighed again. She didn't know what it was that made this so perfect. Why was Quinn the one she wanted to lay with forever? What made it special? Anyone could just lay still with her, right? So Rachel couldn't put her thumb on what it was that made her need it to be _Quinn_ laying with her. In the end, she had to just chalk it up to Quinn being Quinn. Quinn, her soul mate.

"It's just… I don't know if I can yet." What she really wanted was a no strings attached relationship, where Quinn still treated her like a girlfriend, and never dated anyone else, and held her hand in public and kissed her softly like it wasn't a secret that she loved her. She wanted all that, plus their adorable family dynamic, without the word 'love' cropping up, or 'girlfriend' or 'relationship'. She wanted to be able to walk away with her heart fully functional if need be.

Oh god, okay, it made no sense and it was completely unfair. She knew that. It's just… that's what she wanted, and so what if it was selfish and immature? It's what she wanted! She had a right to want things that fit into her damaged world the same way everyone else did, right?

Her fingers traced the lines of Quinn's ribs with careful pressure, enough to keep from tickling. "I want this, Quinn. I want you. But that…" she shrugged her shoulder at the picture behind them. "I can't give you that right now." In a desperate attempt to give her _something_, to just prove that she wanted her, she kissed her. It was a hard kiss, bordering on desperate. "Please tell me that's okay?"

**Quinn:**

Any euphoria that Quinn had been feeling before disappeared as soon as Rachel looked at her. She could see it all in her eyes. Regret. Guilt. It was all there reflecting back at her from big brown eyes. Sickness settled in her stomach and any hint of a smile on her face quickly faded away. She wanted to pull away. She wanted to roll away and put her hands over her ears to ignore everything that Rachel was saying. She didn't want to hear that she was a _mistake_. She was her parents mistake and now she would be Rachel's too. Rachel the girl who was supposed to still love her. That was supposed to want to _be _with her. The girl she just made love to. But Quinn didn't roll away in an attempt to stay stuck in her little fantasy world where she was wanted, she remained glued to the spot, heartbroken eyes trained on Rachel as she talked.

It was hard to hear these things from Rachel...that she actually cared and that she actually mattered. Because right now Quinn wasn't feeling any of that. All she was feeling was that she was just another easy fuck. How many other people had Rachel done this too? How many times did this happen since Quinn had been gone? She forced a small laugh when Rachel mentioned the first time they confessed their feelings. Sort of. Rather the moment that lead to them confessing their feelings. Quinn looked between them, trying to fight off tears. When Rachel said that Quinn was _it, _her eyes moved back to the brunette's face, searching for anything that would say she was lying. Quinn's heart desperately wanted to believe her, and she did believe her. Her words only fed into the illusion that Quinn had built for herself tonight. The illusion that Rachel still loved her. And she believed every word.

Quinn couldn't help but frown at Rachel's next words. If not now then _when?_ They were here now! They had just slept together and Rachel was still struggling with her feelings? It didn't make any sense to Quinn. Not at all and probably not ever. It was the selfish childish part of herself that wanted Rachel _now._ If she felt the same way then why not _now? _Why did they have to wait? But her frown dissipated when she saw Rachel smile, her own small, sad smile following. Because Quinn was a sucker for when Rachel smiled. Rachel had the most beautiful smile in the world and it made Quinn smile even when she felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest and stomped on.

Quinn ran her fingers lightly under Rachel's breasts, enjoying the feel of the soft skin under her fingertips as she tried to figure out what was going on. She looked down, avoiding Rachel's eyes as she tried to sort through her mind. She wasn't sure why everything Rachel was saying just confused her. Maybe it was the alcohol still clouding her brain or maybe it was her mind resisting to believe it when she so desperately wanted to think that Rachel still loved her. How could Rachel want her if she didn't want...to _be _with her? And she said she didn't know if she could...what yet? Be together? Quinn's broken heart tried to make sense of everything but it just hurt more. Quinn sighed against Rachel's lips, an ache in her chest starting up at the feeling. When she pulled away she looked back down between them and continued to trace a trail on Rachel's torso.

"I-..." Quinn choked out, tears seconds away from leaking down her cheeks. She closed her eyes, collecting herself to prevent from crying before fluttering them open again. "Okay," she said softly, hoping her voice didn't sound as broken as she felt, "I understand." Quinn nodded and looked back up at Rachel before looking back down. She thought if she looked at her too long she _would _cry.

"I just want _you_." She knew as much as she wanted to walk away and tell Rachel they couldn't be anything until she figured out what she wanted, she knew she couldn't do it. She should tell Rachel things would have to go back to how they would be until she could give Quinn an answer. Just to guard her own heart. But she knew in the end she would have Rachel any way she let her, even if it only hurt her more in the end. Maybe this was fate's cruel way of getting back at her for leaving Rachel when she needed her, by letting Quinn have Rachel without actually _having _her. To be her fuck toy. The thing she brought out when she wanted to feel loved. "Whatever you want, Rach," Quinn whispered, curling a piece of brunette hair around her finger, "I just...I just want to be with you. Anyway you'll let me. But...how is that? What are we doing?" Quinn knew she was setting herself up to have Rachel reject her completely and leave this a one night thing. But she _needed _to know. No matter how much it hurt.

**Rachel:**

Quinn didn't get it. Rachel could see it in the way she shut down completely, all except for the heartbreaking hope she held out, clinging onto Rachel like she couldn't let go. But she had it all wrong, because she didn't need that tiny bit of hope, Rachel could promise things! She could… she could _secretly_ be only Quinn's. She just didn't want Quinn herself to know it. Rachel supposed this is why people don't date their exes again. It's complicated and confusing and there are problems from the start.

The moment Quinn started to speak, she stopped again. Her voice was choked and her eyes were watery, and it didn't matter that she was trying to fight off the tears because Rachel knew they were there already. Rachel hated herself. She hated Quinn too. If Quinn had just stayed in the first place, Rachel wouldn't be the girl scared to love anyone other than her daughter and her dads, she would be that same willing girl in high school who loved to love. And then this would have been a beautiful night that didn't have to end in tears.

Quinn answered her after what felt like a lifetime and several hearts breaking, and whatever remained of Rachel's heart sunk like an anchor. She sighed, looking down between them just so she didn't have to look at Quinn. Tonight had been one of the best nights she'd had in a long, long time. Not to mention the most heartbreakingly _good_ sex, because it was so much more than that. Whatever they had shared tonight, it wasn't just physical.

_Whatever you want, Rach_. That made her feel even worse. Jesus Christ. She'd have preferred it if Quinn had just said no, accepted the situation with some dignity and just… rejected her! But she didn't, she willingly took on more heartbreak just to be close to Rachel and… ugh. Rachel hated herself. She _hated_ herself.

She took the hand playing with her hair and brought it to her lips, kissing her there with gentle determination. She could show Quinn what she meant. Prove that she wasn't just using her. Why was Quinn too blind to see that Rachel had to protect herself? She couldn't let herself fall in love while there was still a chance that Quinn would walk away again.

"Okay." she sighed out, preparing herself mentally to give a complicated answer. "I meant what I said, Q. You… You're _it_. You are…" her fingertip drew a heart over her chest absently while she struggled to get the words out in a coherent way. "You're the one. I know that. But I don't know if we had that chance and blew it completely. So I want to just… build on whatever we do have slowly and carefully. You know?" she worried her lip between her teeth before flicking her dark eyes back up to Quinn's. "Remember, you can say no to any of this. What I want… is nothing official." Why did that sound so bad? Guilt tugged at her heart immediately. "So you can date other girls if you want. And I can date other girls if I want. I'm not saying I will want that, I just… need to be able to. I can't explain it, I just… I can't make you my world again, Quinn."

It felt like it was all coming out _so_ wrong. "I'm scared, I mean. But… when we're together…" her cheeks turned pink. "We can be us. We can make love, you can give me kisses like the one at the bar before we left. I loved that. I'll hold your hand while we're out, and you can sleep over when you want to. I don't know. We can just… be us the way we normally would be, without the commitment." No, that still sounded bad. "I don't mean that I can't be… _faithful_. But committing to me means committing to becoming part of a family, and it means committing to something long term, and I can't jump into something like that blindly."

But that didn't mean she didn't want to be with Quinn. She just couldn't trust her enough to let go of what scared her most.

With a heavy sigh, she rolled onto her back, slinging her forearm over her eyes. "I don't think any of this is coming out right." Truth is, she didn't know how to figure out her own feelings in order to communicate them. "I know you don't see what I mean. I don't want to just _use_ you. Maybe… maybe we should just stay friends for a while instead." she swallowed hard after saying it, nerves and slight regret mingling heavily in her throat. That would be so bad for her vocals. But as soon as she said it, it felt like the wrong thing.

**Quinn:**

And there was Rachel again telling Quinn that she was _it_ and that she was the _one_. How could she think that they...that they blew it? If she still felt this way and Quinn still felt this way then how could they have blown it? Quinn stopped herself from stopping Rachel and arguing the point. Rachel wanted to take things slow...she could do that. She could definitely do that. Wooing Rachel all over again like they were shy Freshman again? She knew she could do that. Quinn nodded, her heart lifting a little off the floor. But, wait, nothing official?

"I don't want to date other girls, Rachel," Quinn said with a small confused shake of her head. She bit the inside of her cheek and stayed quiet as Rachel finished her scrambled explanation. Even with her heart aching and the words from Rachel's mouth being so potentially hurtful she still found her rambling cute. God, what was wrong with her?

Quinn shifted through her thoughts, trying to organize Rachel's thoughts in her own mind. So Rachel wanted to be together but not..._be _together. A relationship without a relationship. They could make love and kiss and hold hands they just couldn't be official...but there was the potential at becoming official. Right? Rachel said they just needed to build up what they had left, so they could just build up to a relationship. Right? It was just a matter of time. Quinn had waited three years since they broke up and even longer before they got together the first time so she was sure she could wait however long it took to for Rachel to trust her again. She owed Rachel that much anyways. It was her own fault that Rachel was being so cautious about committing to a relationship with her, so it was kind of her duty to wait it out for her.

Before she could respond to anything Rachel said, she rolled away from her and begin to back peddle. "Rachel," Quinn coaxed gently, scooting closer to the brunette. She didn't want to be friends now. They couldn't go back to that because they would never go back to this. Back to being in bed together, naked and close. She rolled herself so she was on top of Rachel and pulled her arm away from the petite woman's face.

"Rachel," she repeated, placing a soft kiss on her lips, "I...I understand. We can do that. We can be...whatever that is and we don't have to have labels or anything. I want to be friends but I don't want to be _just _friends." Her eyes roamed over Rachel's face and she ran a hand through the other woman's hair, still a little wild from their precious activities. "I see what you mean," Quinn continued with a nod, "you want...you want us without _us._ I can do that, baby." She gave her most convincing smile and placed a soft kiss on Rachel's nose.

Something inside her chest told Quinn this was a bad idea and they would end up back at square one in a matter of no time. But it was _Rachel_, the love of her life. And she wanted to work up to a relationship with no strings attached sex and kisses. Things could be worse. Quinn pressed their foreheads together and nuzzled Rachel's nose. She kissed slowly over Rachel's cheek to her ear, kissing the shell and just behind it. "I just want to be able to hold you and kiss you. You can take all the time you need, baby."

**Rachel:**

She felt the familiar pressure of Quinn on top of her, and despite the situation, she smiled. It was heartbreaking in a sense, that it felt so right, that she liked it so much, that even when all was going wrong, Quinn could make her smile just by existing in the same space. They were a hopeless pair. Rachel couldn't give her up, and Quinn would do anything to be with her, even if it killed her. They were the worst kind of soul mates, but soul mates nonetheless.

She put up no fight, letting her arm be pulled away so she was faced with Quinn's… kiss? Oh, she made it so easy so easy to fall for her. "You have me." Oh, Quinn had her more than she could possibly know. "For kissing. And holding. Or being held, if you feel like it." she added with a quirk of her lips, running her hands over Quinn's arms. Quinn always took on the role of protector when they were together, but Rachel was fiercely protective of Quinn too. Okay, so she was tiny and she wasn't a huge amount she could do to _physically_ protect anybody. But it didn't stop her wanting to. She loved being the big spoon, even if she was the littlest big spoon in the world. As long as she was a spoon of Quinn's, all spoons were good spoons.

She slung her arms around Quinn's neck, both of them, and she curled her fingers into soft blonde hair. Oh god, she _loved_ her. And that was the first time since Quinn left that she allowed herself to actually admit it, but somehow it hardly felt like a big deal. It felt so natural to be in love like this, naked and warm and… so safe.

"This is lame, but I don't even want to sleep." she laughed quietly with a small smile, twirling blonde hair lightly. "I mean, I'm tired. Exhausted, actually, I'm way too old to be partying and hooking up all in the same night. I only have a finite amount of energy these days, y'know." she joked with a lazy grin, still playing with Quinn's hair. "But you're…" she leaned up and gave her a kiss on the lips with a loud, playful _mwah!_ "Ugh, just so _gorgeous_. I don't wanna stop looking at you. Our daughter's so lucky she's got your genes too. Like your nose." She traced the line of Quinn's nose with a fingertip. "And your eyes. They're the same shape. But my color." She sighed softly. "I know it's all so complicated, but I'm so glad that it's you who gave me Elizabeth. Not just for your looks. Just…" How do you tell someone that you love them without letting them know it really? "It would have been wrong to have a baby with anyone else." she settled for saying in a mumble.

And there she was, talking about the situation like they were a family. Again. Though it was worse when she was talking to other people about Quinn. That was when it all came out, unrestricted, unlimited, and so heartbreakingly plain to see: Rachel wanted this life with Quinn. She was going way too far with this night, but it was so _nice_ to feel like they were partners again, not just girlfriends, but… a sort of team. It was nice to have that again. Someone to lay on top of her and kiss her face and… love her?

"Quinn, I have to ask…" she licked her lips, a nervous habit. Hands went along delicate shoulders soothingly. "What is it _you_ want? Disregarding all of what I want, what is it you want?"

**Quinn:**

_You have me._ Sure the words weren't in the same context that she dreamed they would be, but it was still those words. Despite the feeling in her stomach that all of this was a bad idea that would only lead to more heartbreak...she still couldn't help but smile. Because she had Rachel. It was in a kinda crappy way but that was okay. For now. Maybe for ever.

Quinn hummed, matching Rachel's lazy grin as she enjoyed the feeling of her fingers in blonde hair. She chuckled when Rachel kissed her playfully, immediately followed by a deep blush. Ducking her head a little at Rachel's compliment, she looked back at the brunette as she observed her. "I wish Elizabeth had your nose," Quinn countered softly, "I love your nose." To prove her point, she kissed Rachel's nose and nipped at it playfully.

Quinn's heart warmed at Rachel's admission about Elizabeth, her grin widening. "I'm glad you're glad," she said lamely. But really she couldn't think of any other way to describe what she was feeling. She was sure Rachel had spent the past three years cursing her name so it was a miracle that she was even here right now, let alone having the brunette admit she was _glad _it was Quinn. "It had to be you," Quinn said sheepishly, "It couldn't have been anyone else for me. We made the most beautiful baby in the world, Rach." Quinn could say that without an ounce of biased. Because had you seen that child? She was gorgeous in every way.

All this felt so perfect. Too perfect. So with Rachel's final question, she bit her lip and tried to sort through her words in her head. It would have been so easy to lie, to just say whatever Rachel had said. But they were here, together, naked in bed and Quinn could pretend they were in love. "I want-" Quinn chewed on her lip and looked over Rachel's face before the truth came rushing out, "I want _you. _In every conceivable way. I want to be yours and only yours and you mine. I want to...I want to be the one you say goodnight and good morning to. I want to wake up in your arms every day and kiss you awake. T-to make love to you like horny teenagers." Quinn grinned cheekily with a light blush. "I want to be in the doctor's office with you as you hold Elizabeth's hand when she gets shots so I can hold your hand because I know how much you hate needles and hate to see our baby scared. I want to stay up late with you to help you with auditions. I want to be your permanent plus one and I want to brag about you to everyone I know. I want-" Quinn's voice softened and she brushed her lips over Rachel's, a gently smile on her face, "I just want you. Like this. Forever."

Well. There. It was out there and Quinn couldn't take it back. Quinn had practically gushed all over Rachel, telling her she loved her without _telling her _she loved her. Maybe. Either that or she just sounded crazy. Afraid of Rachel's response, Quinn kissed her deeply, letting their lips move together slowly, easily. Their bodies relaxed into each other, their curves molding into one another's. Quinn pulled away slowly, a wide grin spreading over her face. "Let's sleep, baby," she breathed over Rachel's lips, "we have all the time in the world to talk. We need sleep." Kissing Rachel one last time, Quinn slid off of Rachel so her body was half on top of the small girl's as she wrapped an arm protectively around Rachel's middle, her leg sliding over and between Rachel's. Quinn nuzzled Rachel's cheek, "Goodnight, babylove." She pecked Rachel's cheek one last time before drifting off to the most peaceful street she had in three years.


	12. False Positive, pt1

**Thank you everyone for the amazing reviews! I've been blown away, really. Thank you so so much. Hearing your feedback really helps. Enjoy!**

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**Quinn:**

Quinn stood on the sidewalk out of Rachel's apartment building, a bouquet of flowers in one hand and the other occupied with constantly running through already messy blonde hair. The doorman of Rachel's building was staring at her like she was crazy for standing out on the sidewalk for the past fifteen minutes, but then again he kind of looked at her like that every time she came over since their first fateful meeting. Well...sort of meeting. But his stares weren't enough to drive Quinn into the building because Rachel was in there and she terrified her.

Their not-relationship had been going along-...well...going along. Sometimes it was so amazing and incredible that Quinn forgot they weren't in a _real _relationship. She loved the little moments they had together. They made love like they had never stopped, they stole little kisses here and there. Rachel even let Quinn hold her hand when they went on walks in the park with Elizabeth and Dolly. And Quinn got to show her off on the special days when Rachel would come to her work to have lunch with her (much to Jackie's annoyance but whatever). Quinn was in heaven. But then..._then _things would go bad and Quinn was never sure why.

Rachel would snap at Quinn or just be plain _cold _to her. Sometimes it would be in the middle of one of their walks or sometimes the morning after she had spent the night. Usually it would last for a day or so and then things would go back to being all happy and normal. Quinn felt like she was walking on eggshells around Rachel, not knowing what would set her off into a mood and cause her to shut down. Quinn loved their new not-relationship when things were good but when Rachel cut her off...Quinn was so defeated. She never knew what she did to cause Rachel's response and she'd spend the day walking around like a kicked puppy as she tried to figure out where she went wrong. But before long, Rachel would be fine again without any explanation at all. And Quinn just accepted it with a kiss and a smile.

This morning, Rachel and Elizabeth were supposed to meet Quinn in the park. Quinn waited for an hour, all attempts that she made to call Rachel had gone ignored and she eventually just moped on the way home. But tonight was the night they had set aside to have dinner every week and Quinn was definitely not going to miss it. Even though Rachel was in another mood it seemed. In her own attempt to smooth over whatever she had done to upset her not-girlfriend again, Quinn had dressed in the shirt that she _knew _Rachel liked on her and she had gotten a bouquet of Rachel's favorite flowers.

Adjusting her bag over her shoulder and ruffling her hair one last time, Quinn walked into Rachel's building and made her way up to her floor. With a long sigh that puffed out her cheeks, Quinn knocked tentatively on the door. She shifted awkwardly on her feet as she waited for the brunette to answer, ruffling her hair yet again. Her heart almost jumped in her throat when she heard the knob turning on the other side. She fixed her most charming smile on her face as the door opened, Rachel standing on the other side.

"Hey, beautiful," Quinn said with more confidence than she felt, "I brought you flowers." Quinn shifted nervously before leaning down to kiss Rachel carefully on the lips. She didn't have time to analyze Rachel's response before she felt a tiny body collide with her legs. She looked down with a huge grin at the little girl wrapped around her legs. "Hey there, little girl," Quinn said reaching down and picking the little girl up, holding her on her hip, "You just get more beautiful every day. You know that?"

She tickled Elizabeth's stomach who giggled and squirmed in Quinn's arms as they walked into the apartment. Quinn kissed the little girl's forehead and set her down when she struggled to get down. She watched with a small smile as her little girl ran off into her room, probably to retrieve something to show off. Quinn looked back over at Rachel and bit her lip, saying quietly, "I missed you guys today."

**Rachel:**

Rachel was panicking. Again. But this time, Quinn was the one person in the world she didn't want to see. Quinn Fabray couldn't be her superhero this time, because this time… well, Rachel didn't need someone to save her. She needed someone who would stay with her without question. The moment the idea of what was wrong had struck, Rachel Berry had shut down completely. She couldn't be… surely not… it wasn't _fair_. What the hell was wrong with Quinn's sperm!? It was some kind of super strength X-Men sperm! Rachel wasn't stupid or drunk enough to have sex unprotected, she was safe. She had always been safe ever since Elizabeth. But damn it, Quinn! She just had to defy the odds.

Rachel had been sick for days now. It was worse in the mornings, but she knew from experience that morning sickness should have been called all-fucking-day sickness. But this particular morning, when she and Elizabeth were supposed to meet Quinn in the park, she had spent about an hour in front of the mirror just running her palm over her flat tummy, ignoring Quinn's calls completely. It was selfish, and Rachel had been selfish a lot lately. Never to the extent of standing her up before, but she had been pretty bad and it's not like she ever provided any explanation for her crabby attitude. She knew Quinn thought she was punishing her for doing something wrong every time this happened, but she was wrong. It was a case of getting scared. Being a coward. Tagging out whenever Quinn was too nice, too much like a girlfriend.

By the time the evening rolled around, Rachel expected Quinn would have gotten the message. Sure, they had dinner plans. This was the day of the week when Quinn always came over and Rachel cooked dinner for them as a family. Elizabeth hung around Quinn and Quinn treated her like a princess while Rachel fell that bit more in love with their little family. On these days, Rachel felt like she had a partner, a girlfriend, and Elizabeth got to have two parents. She figured Quinn got what she wanted from it too. Mostly, at least. But after standing her up at the park, surely Quinn wouldn't show up tonight. Right?

Wrong.

Rachel was wearing sweatpants and a tank top with her hair pulled up into a messy ponytail. She was cooking dinner as usual, but she wasn't expecting company. But a knock at the door made her heart drop in panic. Surely Quinn hadn't…

But she had. She had come over, in that gorgeous shirt Rachel loved, with Rachel's favorite flowers. And she kissed her, softly, like Rachel was her girlfriend. She kissed Quinn back on reflex alone, too stunned to do anything else. "I… thank you…" she took the flowers with an owlish blink. Fortunately, Elizabeth interrupted before things could become awkward. Except that just made it worse, for Rachel at least. Upon seeing her weird little family like this, she instinctively brought a hand to her stomach protectively. Why did Quinn have to be so good with Elizabeth? Seeing Quinn like this made her _want_ to have another baby with her. But that was precisely the problem.

They made their way into the apartment, with Rachel feeling more self-conscious by the second because god, Quinn looked gorgeous and Rachel looked… well, she was wearing sweatpants and no make up whatsoever. "I'm…" she swallowed hard, returning to where she had been cutting potatoes with Quinn following close behind. Quinn had to bring up the Park incident, didn't she? "I'm sorry. I was sick." That wasn't completely a lie. "And I didn't know you were coming over." she said timidly, oh so guilty. She had been so mean to Quinn. "There's enough food for everyone though."

Rachel still felt sick right then, but that was down to anxiety. For god's sake, she had a pregnancy test _somewhere _in the apartment, and she couldn't even remember where she had put it down, and oh god, what if Quinn saw it? She hadn't even taken the test yet, she had no idea what the results would show. Still, she had to push past that awkward stage because Quinn had no idea why she was so upset. So putting on her best act, she leaned in and kissed Quinn softly. "I'm sorry I didn't call. Me and Elizabeth just napped for the whole morning." Not true.

"Quinn!" Elizabeth's voice rang out. The girl came in with what looked like the little cardboard box that toothpaste came in. She laughed quietly and went back to her potatoes. Until she really thought about it. There was no tube of toothpaste in there. That was… Oh, sh— "Mommy won't tell me what this is." she handed it to Quinn, waiting expectantly. _No_. No no no no no n—

"Quinn…" Rachel just about _died_. "It's— It's not what you think…" Except it was. It was the potential of having another child together.

**Quinn:**

Quinn followed behind Rachel as she walked into the apartment, her eyes on her like she would try to bolt at any moment. Even though they were in her apartment and she _probably _wouldn't be running away...but that didn't stop Quinn's fear. Quinn could tell that Rachel was self conscious so when Rachel came to rest at the counter, she put her chin on her shoulder and said softly, "You look gorgeous, Rach. I don't know how you make sweatpants sext but you do." She offered a playful smile and a quick kiss to the shell of Rachel's ear despite the fact that her stomach was doing backflips right now. Rachel was still upset, she didn't know why.

The soft kiss from Rachel pushed away her anxiety a little, along with her weak explanation of why she stood Quinn up this morning. She wasn't sure she could believe it but...what else was there? She had to believe her. "It's okay, baby," Quinn said rubbing Rachel's back over her tank top, "Dolly still got to chase her stupid ducks so it wasn't a complete loss." She tried to smile to hide her hurt, because it wasn't even true. Dolly had moped just as much as Quinn, missing her tiny human friend just like Quinn. But she didn't want Rachel to know how pathetic she was that her moods transcended into her _dog._

"Anything's fine. I'd be okay with table scraps." Quinn rubbed the back at her neck at the truth of the statement, because didn't that just describe her not-relationship with Rachel? Table scraps. Not exactly as good as the real thing, but close enough to resembling it to be enough if you're starving.

She didn't have too much time to dwell on it though because Elizabeth called her and Quinn's attention was immediately drawn to her. Elizabeth always commanded the room when she was around, all attention on her. She was just like Rachel in that way. And it made Quinn smile just at the thought. She took the box the little girl handed her and stared at it for a moment, her mind taking a minute to process what she was holding. Because..._what? _This had to be a joke, right? Maybe she was on one of those shows where they scare the shit out of people and then laugh about it. But the look of horror on Rachel's face told Quinn that nope, this was not a joke. This was absolutely one hundred percent real.

_Pregnancy test_. Quinn's eyes were glued to the words on the box, a heavy weight settling in her stomach and nausea over taking her. Was she ready for another baby? Were _they _ready for another baby? Quinn was just getting into her vague role in Elizabeth's life! Elizabeth patted Quinn's knee, completely oblivious to the complicated emotions in the room and expecting an explanation. "Um," Quinn cleared her throat and said weakly, "It's a super special magic wand for grown ups, baby girl. Go play with your toys for a minute, okay? I gotta talk to Mommy." Elizabeth just nodded, seemingly satisfied with the explanation and scurried off into the living room.

"Rachel," Quinn began evenly, "I- What is it if it's not what I think? What else could it be? It's a _pregnancy _test, Rachel. There's really only one way to take that." Her mind was racing and she wasn't sure what order her thoughts went in. Could they afford a baby? Would they need a bigger place? How would Elizabeth take this? "H-how did this happen? No, I know how this happened. The thing in the thing and then sperm but I-" Quinn stopped and tried to collect her thoughts, stepping closer to Rachel. "How long have you thought you were pregnant?" Read: how long have you been hiding this from me? Because above anything else Quinn felt betrayed. Shouldn't this be something Rachel should...you know...tell her about? After all it was _their _baby. It took two to tango, so to speak. Why didn't Rachel feel comfortable telling her she thought she was pregnant?

Quinn was still too much in shock to really process how she was feeling. Her first instinct was panic. Because could they even _afford _another baby? Sure they had jobs but they weren't _great _jobs. They were jobs that gave them enough but...another baby? Quinn ruffled her hair and looked down at the box, still trying to figure out logistics in her head. She swallowed thickly because honestly, she was _scared. _But she didn't want to look scared, not like she did some three odd years ago. Because now she was an adult and she was scared for different reasons. "Rachel," Quinn said softly, "I...what-...what's going on?"

**Rachel:**

Okay, this is precisely what Rachel was afraid of. Quinn was scared. Rachel could read the panic in her face as she processed the whole thing, and god, Rachel was seconds away from telling Quinn to just leave again because she couldn't stand to go through this again if she was going to chicken out and abandon her without reason. Rachel would rather beat her to the punch this time.

Elizabeth toddled away with a pout, but the atmosphere in the room grew serious enough for her to know to leave right away. Even at two years old, some things you just know. So off she went, and Rachel's attention turned back to Quinn. "I started to suspect it about a week ago." she answered tiredly. She was exhausted already. Being sick with a two year old to take care of is hard enough, but harder still is an open discussion with your ex girlfriend, who you're sort of but not really unofficially dating. "I just bought the test today. I haven't taken it yet, obviously." she eyed the shifty blonde with something between interest and fear. She hadn't reacted much at all yet, but she looked like she was scared. Rachel was waiting for her to bolt.

She supposed it was only natural for Quinn to feel afraid. After all, she hadn't _really_ had a child before. Never been a parent. She was a part-time grown up friend to Elizabeth right now, and nothing more really. They hadn't made it as far as telling Elizabeth the truth (not that Rachel even knew how to, but she'd find a way if Quinn stuck around long enough.)

Okay. It made sense that the writer was panicking, but good god, if ever there was a time Rachel needed to trust in Quinn, it was now. And she wasn't delivering.

Rachel sighed and looked back to the food she was trying to cook, and failing at miserably. It was just one of those days where anything that could go wrong, did. She was almost tempted to call it off and just order the three of them a pizza. Or possibly the two of them, because who knows what Quinn was thinking. Maybe she should ask…

"Listen, Quinn. I really was sick. You'd think morning sickness is just in the morning, right? But no, it's like… always. I'm sorry I didn't call. Or… answer." her cheeks warmed with guilt again. "That was awful of me." she had to admit it, even though admitting she was wrong was the worst. "I was terrified. I still am, actually. I didn't want to talk to you about it until I knew the results for sure. You know, unnecessary drama, blah blah blah." she made a sweeping motion with her hand, dismissing the situation like it hardly meant a thing. Because what else could she do? Tell Quinn the truth? Tell her that she loved her, she wanted her back but she was scared, and she needed things to go slowly so bringing another child into the mix was a terrifying prospect? Tell her that she needed Quinn to stay this time, to not break her heart again? Tell her that she needed Quinn to want another baby with her?

Please. Do be serious. She couldn't just open herself up to being hurt like that. She wasn't the same girl from high school who wore her heart on her sleeve. She was the new, guarded Rachel Berry.

"But just… I want you to know that if it turns out that I am pregnant, you don't have to be involved." Rachel lowered her eyes to the half cut potato. Dinner really wasn't going well so far, but it was still a prettier sight than the scene unfolding between Quinn and herself right now. "I don't expect you to just show up and be a parent, it's fine." Rachel steeled herself. "But if you're going to walk away, can you do it sooner rather than later?" It came out with more vulnerability than she wanted, but it was out there now. And regardless of whether Quinn thought she was vulnerable, Rachel knew without a shadow of a doubt, she was strong enough to do this alone. The wonderful little girl in the other room proved that much.

**Quinn:**

A week ago. Rachel had been suspicious a _week _ago. Quinn tried to remember what she had been doing a week ago. All that time she could have been thinking and processing and finding a second job or asking for a raise. Quinn told herself to calm down, taking a deep breath and puffing out her cheeks. This was fine. They could do this. They had each other and as cheesy as it sounded, Quinn really did think things would be fine as long as they had each other.

Quinn looked up from the box when she heard something like guilt in Rachel's voice, catching the end of her apology. She shook her head, all feelings about being stood up this morning completely forgotten. Especially with Rachel acting like this wasn't a big deal. This was a huge deal! But then...the things Rachel was saying, well that stung. Why wouldn't Quinn want to be involved? That was the most ridiculous thing that Quinn had ever heard. But...then again, if their past was anything to go by, she figured that Rachel really had no reason to think that she would want this. Another baby.

Rachel asking her to leave sooner rather than later...that really broke her heart. It broke her heart because Rachel still didn't trust her and it broke her heart because it was her fault Rachel felt like this. Vulnerable. Alone. Quinn stepped close to Rachel, pressing herself to her side and taking the knife from her hand to set it on the counter. "Rachel, babylove, look at me please," Quinn said softly, her hand covering Rachel's on the cutting board, "I'm not going to lie, I'm scared shitless. But probably not for the reasons you think."

Quinn took a deep breath and looked down at their hands, her thumb smoothing over the top of Rachel's hand. "I think we should move in together. I-if you're pregnant. That way it'll be easier to take care of the baby. Well, babies. We can work it out so our work schedules vary so when I'm home you're at work and visa versa. That way we won't have to get a babysitter." She chewed on her lip and ducked her head a little to try and see Rachel's reaction better. Sure she was scared and would probably have an aneurism later when going over financials, but she couldn't let Rachel see that. She had to let Rachel know that she was here for good. Quinn was in this for the long run.

As unexpected and arguably unfortunate as the situation was, Quinn couldn't help but feel a little...excited. This was her chance to prove she had changed. She wasn't the same coward of a girl who ran last time. She was a grown woman now with a family. A sort of weird unconventional family but a family non the less.

"We can do this, Rachel," Quinn whispered, putting her other arm around Rachel's waist and pulling her close, "Right?" Her own fears were leaking through and she hated that she had to add on that last question. But she _was _scared. And she needed Rachel to reassure her.

**Rachel:**

Oh god, she was calling her babylove. Rachel's hardened exterior softened. With Quinn now ever so close, Rachel hesitantly looked up, eyes flickering over the author's features as she spoke. God, it was criminal, how beautiful she looked. It made her weak at the knees. "Move in together?" she echoed with wide, worried eyes, but Quinn kept speaking. About _babies_. Their babies. Because they might be on their way to having babies. Oh god. _Babies_. Maybe this one would have her nose, and Quinn would light up at the sight of her. Maybe they'd have a boy!

Rachel let her arms wind around Quinn's neck, holding her close. So close, and so tight, that her hands held on to her own elbows. She didn't know if they could do it truthfully. She knew how to bring up a child, of course. She knew how to make things safe and healthy and still magical without babying them too much. After all, she learned from the best parents there were. But adding Quinn into that mix meant adding a relationship, adding potential heartbreak and confusion for tiny humans. Would that be fair to any of them?

But wouldn't it be unfair to never give themselves a chance to fall in love again? Damn it, Rachel was such a romantic at heart. Even after years of burying that under a mask of ice, a tiny part of her longed to live with Quinn, to wake up to the kisses Quinn talked about and live that ideal life she painted such a lovely picture of with her words. Rachel wanted all of that, with Quinn and Elizabeth, and… maybe another tiny Berry-Fabray hybrid. They could have the idealistic breakfasts together where Rachel would cook and Quinn would get the kids up for school and they'd all eat together. Then they'd take the kids to school, maybe together. Or maybe Quinn would run them there on her way to work. The point is that they would have that kind of life.

She nuzzled into Quinn's neck, feeling hot tears prick at her eyes and a painful lump in her throat when she tried to fight them off. "I don't know." she finally answered, taking a step back. "This is… a big thing. Do you even want another baby? I didn't have any plans for any more in my lifetime." she ran a hand through her hair with a sigh, eyes falling closed for a second. Her ponytail was ridiculous, with flyaway strands curling out like they did when she was Elizabeth's age. Much like Elizabeth's hair when it was up in a ponytail too. "This would mean… our agreement would have to change." she sighed, though the whole thing felt childish right now anyway. "We'd have to tell Elizabeth, and… look, what if you walk out again? I can't give up all my independence like that, me and Elizabeth would be depending on you completely and I… I need someone who will take care of us." she shrugged a shoulder in a matter-of-fact manner. "Even if that person is just me. And I don't even know if I am pregnant yet!"

In a funny-peculiar kind of way, she really wanted Quinn to reassure her, tell her she was wrong and that they could be this couple, they could be parents, they could be in love again. But would that be responsible? Was she being incredibly stupid by… _wanting_ this? She needed someone to talk her out of it! Or maybe promise her that this was her chance at a happily ever after…

**Quinn:**

Quinn felt a squeeze to her heart when Rachel held her close, her own arms enveloping around the petite woman and holding her tight. She nuzzled behind Rachel's ear and kissed the shell, her mind resting a little. How was it that Rachel always seemed to make things better from just one touch? Quinn didn't know but she knew she felt safe in Rachel's arms. Despite the fact that both of them were freaking out, Quinn automatically took on her role of protector. Quinn had to stay strong for Rachel and Elizabeth, even if she just wanted to crumble. But really, the more she got used to the idea the more she was sure that this was okay. This was more than okay, this was...kind of fantastic.

The tears in Rachel's voice were apparent and Quinn still held on to her when she pulled away. "I know this is a big thing...this is huge," Quinn said as she pressed her forehead to Rachel's, her arms still around her waist, "Honestly...I've been kind of dreaming about having another baby about you for a while now." Quinn smiled sheepishly and looked down at her shoes. She felt a certain heaviness in her heart when Rachel said she had never planned on having another baby. Only because, well, selfishly Quinn wanted as many babies with Rachel as possible. Like, five babies. Though admittedly that seemed a little like overkill so she would settle for two. Or three.

She pulled Rachel's hand from her hair affectionately and combed her fingers through the fly aways sticking adorably from Rachel's head. Quinn always loved how Rachel looked, but there was something about when she was just in her casual wear, hair sticking out, that seemed so...domestic. Quinn was one of the only people that got to see her like this. And she loved it.

Rachel's continued doubt of Quinn's commitment sent a pain straight through her heart and she swallowed thickly, looking down at her shoes briefly before fixing her eyes on brown orbs. Something changed in her in that moment. Maybe it was her need to prove herself or her need to protect her family, but a confidence she hadn't felt in a long time (without the aid of alcohol anyways) reared up in her.

She held Rachel's face, her eyes never wavering from Rachel's. "Rachel Berry, I promise, with all my heart, I'm not going _anywhere_," Quinn said, her confidence never wavering, "I love...us. You, me, Elizabeth and maybe this new baby. I know you still don't trust me, and with good reason. But I swear to you, I swear on my life, I'm not walking away again. You wouldn't even be able to push out of your life at this point. Not even ravenous wolves or angry Russian kidnappers could keep me away." Quinn smiled softly and let her hands slip to cup Rachel's neck. "I'm here to stay, Rachel Berry."

Quinn nodded with finality, kissing Rachel deeply, with purpose. Anything to make Rachel believe her when she said she was a permanent part of their lives now. Whether she liked it or not.

**Rachel:**

Damn it, Quinn knew how to get to her. This confident, romantic side of her did all sorts of things to Rachel, and the kiss was the cherry on top. It was deep and purposeful and with the force, Rachel found herself dipped back just a fraction— barely a visible dip, but still more than enough to make her heart flutter up to her throat. Well of course Rachel had to kiss her back. She made a small sound of agreement without breaking the kiss, because Quinn loved them. _She loved them_. And silently, Rachel did as well.

Okay, they had a long journey ahead, but for now, Quinn had come through in the way Rachel needed. She was confident where Rachel was shaky. She made promises where Rachel needed to hear them. And she sealed it with a kiss like _that_. Quinn made her feel safe. It was everything she needed that night, and at the thought, tears began to well up again. She wasn't too sad or anything. It was just… It had been an emotional week, and tonight had been the climax of it all.

They pulled apart but Rachel stayed close, looking up through dark eyes and even darker lashes. "This is crazy." she whispered, leaning forward until her forehead was mostly resting on the bridge of Quinn's perfect nose— height differences didn't allow Rachel the adorable forehead-to-forehead moment unless Quinn went there first, but she wasn't too worried by it. It meant that her own nose was within kissing distance for Quinn, and as the blonde so regularly proclaimed, she loved Rachel's nose. And Rachel loved that she did. Every tiny kiss to the tip and every bump of noses together made her heart flutter just right. And Quinn never let her down there.

So they had taken the first step. Quinn had established that she would be there for all of them. Rachel, Elizabeth, and their possible plus one. "I don't even know if I am pregnant yet." she said with a little twinge in her chest, because, well… Quinn made it easy to want a baby with her. What Rachel had said about not wanting any more babies wasn't completely true. She had always wanted a big family. She wanted a hundred babies with Quinn. But once the blonde had abandoned her, she had to be more realistic. Then following some less than successful endeavors into romance, she concluded that Elizabeth was more than enough for her. She was happy with their little family of two.

But then Quinn came back. Quinn came back with her big dog and her heartbreakingly beautiful book and her eager-to-please smile, and she possibly put a baby inside her for the second time. So maybe… maybe they were supposed to have their family of one hundred and two. Three, if you count Dolly. Maybe Rachel was allowed to want that, because that's what life had in store for them.

"I think I might want this." she said with transparent nerves. She still wasn't sure, or confident. But as it turned out, there was still a little innocent part of her that believed in a happy ending for them. She went in to kiss Quinn again, softly this time, but the second their lips touched… "What was that?" she heard a noise, twisting her neck quickly to find… "Elizabeth!" the small girl stood with eyes like saucers, watching them.

The thing is, Rachel had always been careful to keep her relationships relatively private. She didn't want flaky boyfriends and girlfriends in and out of her daughter's life, so her dating life and her real life with Elizabeth were two separate things. It worked easily when she was with Quinn because one of them was usually busied with Elizabeth anyway, and all they could really trade were a few shy smiles until the tiny human was tucked up safely in bed. But now, Elizabeth had walked into such an intimate moment that, well… they had to do some kind of explaining, even if they didn't tell her the whole story.

"Hey, sweetie. …Do you fancy pizza tonight?" Okay, maybe she could explain later on, when she had given it some thought. Or maybe Elizabeth would forget completely. And yes, Rachel had given up on cooking for the night. Elizabeth shook her head to say no, but that was the least of Rachel's worries because the brunette could see questions slowly but surely coming together in her little girl's wide eyes. So she wouldn't be distracted by pizza. Damn it. Okay. "Okay…"

Then, out of nowhere, Rachel's growing anxiety took a pause, because logic was making its way into her busy mind. She realized that she was the only person making it weird. The only person panicking. And that this was her opportunity to take a necessary step in their relationship. Elizabeth had to find out at some point, and at two years old, it's not like she was about to criticize Rachel's decision. Rachel was panicking over nothing! So with a deep breath, she shook off her nerves and smiled at the little girl. "I'd say that counts as a good review towards my cooking." she leaned over and kissed Quinn's cheek, with a finger on the other side of her chin. How's that for domestic bliss? She didn't mention it, but secretly hoped that Quinn knew she was making a small statement with her displays of affection. They were slowly, slowwwwly making their way into the realms of being a real couple.

They exchanged light chitchat for a little while longer, because for a small while, heavier subjects were off-limits (thank god) and would have to resume once Elizabeth had toddled off again. Because introducing her to a grown up relationship was one thing, but a baby brother or sister who may or may not arrive was a completely different thing. "Babe, can you go get her washed up while I finish off?" Rachel asked, looking pointedly at hands that were mysteriously stained pink. She got the distinct feeling that this was a massive turning point in their relationship. Rachel was finally open about dating Quinn Fabray. Yeah, she just put a label on it, even if it was only in her head. And more than that, she was finally beginning to trust her. And even more than that, they might be on their way to expanding their family! It was the first time in a long time that Rachel truly, truly felt happy.

**Quinn:**

Quinn smiled against Rachel's lips when she kissed her back, knowing Rachel understood what she had been trying to say. They were in this together. No matter what. Rachel pressed her forehead to Quinn's nose and she smiled widely, kissing the tip softly. She really did love Rachel's nose. It was so cute and so _Rachel_. She also loved it because it was the physical part of herself that Rachel disliked the most. So Quinn had made it her personal mission to make Rachel realize her nose was just as beautiful as the rest of her. She dropped one more kiss to Rachel's nose just as the realization set in.

They didn't even know if Rachel was pregnant. Here Quinn had gotten used to and actually _excited _about the idea of having another baby and they didn't even know yet. Well shit. She chewed her lip and played with the back of Rachel's shirt. Quinn would probably be heartbroken if Rachel wasn't pregnant. Because as much as she knew it would be a struggle to have another baby, she wanted to be there to go to the doctor with Rachel and see the first sonogram. She wanted to help Rachel across the street and go out at three in the morning when she had a weird craving. She wanted to kiss her and tell her how beautiful she was when she felt fat and ugly, even though she would probably be yelling at her that this was all Quinn's fault. More than anything she wanted to hold her baby, new to the world, and watch as their little eyes opened up and saw her for the first time. Quinn wanted all of that.

"I think I might want it too," Quinn replied softly. Saying that was the biggest understatement of the year. But she figured proclaiming she actually wanted five children with Rachel might be coming off a little too strong. But she could just imagine her and Rachel, walking through the park with their two adorable children (and Dolly of course) and eating ice cream. It looked oh so fantastic in her head and she wanted to see it in real life too.

She leaned down slightly to accept Rachel's kiss, grunting a little in protest when Rachel pulled away. But her disappointment was forgotten when her head whipped to where Rachel was looking. Yep, and there, plain as day, was Elizabeth, staring up at them in shock and confusion. Quinn felt her stomach drop a little because...shit. Rachel didn't even want to be official (unless of course she was pregnant, then that was a different situation, right?) and she was sure that Elizabeth being aware of their dating would be part of officially dating and _definitely _not a part of a "casual" relationship without labels.

Maybe this is what would push Rachel away again, because letting Elizabeth know about them was not in their little agreement and maybe she'd think that it would make Elizabeth get attached or something. At least, more attached then with Quinn being around every chance she got. Elizabeth was Rachel's first priority. She was Quinn _and _Rachel's first priorities. But the only difference was that Quinn knew she wasn't going to leave. She wanted Elizabeth to get attached and maybe accidentally call her Momma before Rachel had decided they could tell her the truth but Rachel...Rachel was still afraid Quinn would bolt at the first sign of conflict and Elizabeth getting attached was the last thing she wanted. Quinn assumed anyways. She didn't want it to be true but...she had the feeling it was.

Rachel was being awkward. Quinn could feel it in her posture. She didn't say anything, just looked between the mother and daughter, waiting to see what Rachel would do. Chewing on her lip, Quinn watched as Rachel tried to entice their little girl with pizza. No go. But then she felt Rachel's body relax, the tension leaving her body. She was about to respond to Rachel's comment on her cooking but she was silenced immediately when she felt a soft kiss on her cheek. Her eyes widened, pretty much matching Elizabeth's when she turned to look at Rachel. Because she kissed her. In front of Elizabeth. Sure it was just on the cheek but it was still a kiss. Her face widened into a huge grin, and she nodded, looking back at Elizabeth who sill looked confused.

They talked a little about nothing, Quinn stealing some of the food Rachel was preparing when she wasn't looking and sharing it with Elizabeth who still looked a little confused, but giggled none the less. Quinn nodded, "Of course, babe," she replied chancing a small kiss to Rachel's cheek before picking Elizabeth up and carrying her towards the bathroom. "You hungry, baby girl?" she asked the little girl, "I'm so hungry I think I'll just eat you." She pretended to bite at Elizabeth's arm and she squealed, trying to wriggle from Quinn's arms.

When they got to the bathroom, Quinn cleaned the mysterious pink stains from Elizabeth's hands and dried them, chuckling as the little girl sang some nonsensical song to herself. "You have a lovely voice, baby. Like your Mom."

Elizabeth turned and looked at Quinn with a serious face that was uncannily similar to the one Rachel gave her when she was about to interrogate her. Quinn couldn't help but smile. "Why were you kissing Mommy?" she asked.

Quinn chewed on her lip and ruffled her hair, wondering how to approach this. "Well," she began, "I like your Mommy very much." There. That was a good noncommittal answer worthy of a two year old. Right? Right.

"Are you going to get married?" Elizabeth asked with a tiny quirked eyebrow. Okay, she totally got that from Quinn. But she didn't have time to celebrate that because her daughter just asked her if she was marrying her mother. Christ.

"I um..." Quinn shrugged and just decided to be truthful, "I want to, baby girl. Maybe someday. Would that be okay with you?" Elizabeth looked at her for a few moments, almost as if sizing her up. "Would you still read me stories?"

"Every day, sweetheart," Quinn said with a serious nod. Elizabeth shrugged and held her arms out to be picked up, "Then I'm okay with it." Quinn laughed and began to walk back into the kitchen, "Thank you for your approval." Elizabeth nodded and Quinn set her down in a chair at the kitchen table and walked over to Rachel. "All cleaned up and ready to go, babe."

**Rachel:**

Rachel was humming to herself as she carefully and neatly arranged the food on their plates in true Goldilocks style. A little for Elizabeth, and more for the grown ups. She could hear the other two girls chatting not too far away, and although she couldn't hear anything they were saying, she smiled to herself anyway. It was nice knowing that they were all together and all getting along. Once again, the thought triggered her hand moving down to her tummy, half protective and half curious.

She looked back over her shoulder when Quinn announced that they were ready to eat. She found Elizabeth already in her chair, and Quinn still hovering. "And what about you?" she turned with a teasing smile. "All cleaned up?" she pretended to inspect one of Quinn's hands with narrowed eyes and her lips set in a tight little line. But her attempt at seriousness dissolved mere seconds later, grinning up at her kind-of-but-not-really-and-definitely-not-official girlfriend. "Go sit down, it's all ready." she kissed the girl's palm and turned back to their plates, delivering Elizabeth's first. "One for the little one." she dropped a kiss to the top of Elizabeth's head. "And one for the bigger one." she delivered Quinn's, accompanied by a kiss to the top of her head as well.

How bad could it be to add another little person to this? They were oddly perfect. Unique in their own wonderful way.

Rachel sat down at the little table with her own meal and they all dug in to what was hopefully a decent dinner, because with how distracted she had been throughout, she'd be surprised if it was edible at all. Still, it wasn't the first of her concerns. "So what were you girls giggling about earlier, hm?" she looked up at the two with suspicious eyes. Elizabeth, innocent as always, answered without even looking up from her dinner. "Why Quinn kissed you." Rachel's lips quirked up at the corners, looking from the little wild-haired girl to Quinn. "I see." her foot nudged Quinn's playfully under the table. "You know Quinn also brought flowers? She's a gentlewoman." she sent a wink over to the blonde.

Elizabeth looked between the two. "Well _obviously."_ she said dramatically, commanding everyone's attention again. "She wants to marry you." Rachel wasn't entirely surprised to hear this, but she was surprised to hear that Quinn had told Elizabeth approximately ten minutes after revealing their pseudo relationship to her. "Oh, she does, huh?" Rachel deliberately avoided Quinn's eyes for the time being. Marriage was a huge commitment, a massive thing to want. But when you love someone… is it really that big a deal? And Quinn _did_ love her, right? Because, if Rachel was being completely honest, she still loved Quinn. It would be stupid to deny it at this point. She just didn't want to voice it yet, not while they were still on such shaky ground.

She hadn't moved her foot from where it was still nudging Quinn's, but all attention was on the miniature brunette. "Yeah but she said she'll still read me stories." Rachel chuckled quietly. "You girls could have your own book club. You know it's Quinn's job to write stories." Elizabeth's eyes grew wide, dropping her fork with a loud clatter. She was never short of drama. She gave up on food completely, deciding Quinn was done as well as she clambered up onto the blonde's lap, causing more laughter from the bigger of the brunettes. It was the perfect moment for Rachel to sneak out her phone and snap a quick picture. She'd keep that for years to come. Elizabeth's eyes were twinkly with admiration, and Quinn's smile was _adoring_. It was the kind of thing she would clutch to her heart and sigh over like a teenage girl would with a poster of her favorite rockstar. Those silly girls hadn't experienced the romance of an author writing a book of heartbreak about them. (Maybe. Because she hadn't really asked if it was about her yet.)

All these thoughts led her to one thing. Twitchy feet under the table begged her run away and do the test right this second. Tonight was their first taste of what family life could _really_ be like for them, and god, Rachel wanted it. Rachel wanted the humdrum of family life, as long as it was with these people.

She stood to clear the table, stopping to whisper in Quinn's ear as she went. "Stay with me tonight." today was one of those times when she didn't hesitantly ask, because there was no way Quinn was going home after this. She pressed a quick kiss to her ear softly, because she knew Quinn liked that, then went about cleaning away their half-eaten meals. But the test caught her eye, and she bit her lip, glancing between it and Quinn. A quick look to her watch confirmed that their delayed dinner had dragged on close to the two-year-old's bedtime. If they could get Elizabeth into bed soon, Rachel could find out their future sooner rather than later.

"Hey, Elizabeth?" the girl replied with a "Yeahhh?" without looking up. Rachel wasn't going to play fair. "It's time for bed. If you get ready now, Quinn will read you a bedtime story." It was a sure way to get the girl to agree, and sure enough, she did. "Teeth first, then jammies!" she called after the scampering toddler, but once she was out of earshot, Rachel lowered her voice. "I'll do the test when she's in bed." she said with a small, excited smile as she leaned down to kiss the still-seated Quinn gently. "Thank you so much for coming over."

**Quinn:**

Quinn grinned up at Rachel after she kissed the top of her head, taking a moment to look around the table at their strange little family. It was nice. With her, Rachel and Elizabeth, it _did _feel like a family. A real family, not like the one she grew up in. This, right now, feeling safe, and warm and just..._right. _That's what a real family was. Sure Elizabeth didn't call her Momma and her and Rachel were still in some kind of weird limbo but this was more of a family then she had ever known.

Quinn blushed deeply when Rachel asked what her and Elizabeth had been talking about. How embarrassing. It was bad enough being interrogated by a two year-old, but Rachel _knowing _she had been interrogated. Well, she was sure she'd be proud of their little girl. Rachel's wink only made her blush deeper and she nudged Rachel's foot back with a shy smile. Elizabeth's next comment though...Quinn was not expecting that. She choked on the food in her mouth, her face an unsightly shade of red as she continued to cough. Her ears burned and she looked up at Rachel who was avoiding her eyes. Great. That's one way to freak out a girl. Mention marriage. But Rachel's foot was still touching hers so maybe the idea hadn't freaked her out _too _much. Hopefully. A small twinge of hope went through Quinn's heart and she looked back at her little girl. She imagined her as the flower girl at their wedding, skipping happily down the aisle and, of course, stealing all the attention. Her ability to command attention was something that she got from Rachel and Quinn loved it.

Elizabeth dropping her fork on the plate alarmed her at first, but it was quickly forgotten when the tiny brunette climbed onto her lap, looking up at her like she was some sort of hero or something. Quinn smiled widely, her chest expanding with love and adoration just from the look in Elizabeth's eyes. God, she really loved this little girl. She brushed some of the tiny brunette girl's flyaway hairs back with a small smile as Rachel stood up and took their plates.

Rachel whispering in her ear before kissing it sent a content buzz through her body, warmth flowing through her veins. It hadn't even crossed her mind that she would be leaving at some point. The whole thing felt so natural that she just assumed she'd be staying. Lucky for her, Rachel seemed to agree. Elizabeth was playing with Quinn's fingers and telling her about a story she had read in class the other day, Quinn just listening and nodding along with the story when Rachel told her it was time for bed. The girl seemed about to protest until Rachel mentioned she'd be reading her a story. Then she was out of Quinn's lap in no time. She chuckled as she watched the little girl run off, looking up at Rachel when she spoke.

Oh yeah, they hadn't even taken the test yet. Quinn had to keep reminding herself that Rachel wasn't actually confirmed pregnant yet. And no amount of Quinn wishing and hoping would make her any more pregnant that she might be. She nodded, her smile matching Quinn's as she accepted the kiss from Rachel. Quinn shook her head and chuckled, "Thank you for letting me stay. I thought you were going to kick me out as soon as you saw me." She leaned up to kiss Rachel one more time before standing up. "I'm going to go read our little girl a story."

Unable to resist, Quinn kissed her cheek, "Thank you for dinner, baby." She smiled at her as she turned to walk into Elizabeth's room where the girl was already picking out a book for Quinn to read. Quinn sat on the edge of the bed and waited patiently as she went through her shelf of books, the colorful spines looking back at them. It amazed her how much Elizabeth loved books. It made her happier than anything really, because she reminded Quinn of herself when she was younger. Always looking for a new book or story. She remembered when her mother would sit with her and just read her story after story. That ceased when her father insisted Quinn was going to be a pansy and decided she would be better off playing sports. So, of course, Quinn ended up in little league and soccer and everything she didn't want to do. After that she had to read the stories to herself, hidden from her father's judging eyes under her comforter with a flashlight.

Elizabeth handed Quinn a book, snapping her out of her thoughts. The tiny human clambered into the bed and snuggled down under the covers, looking at Quinn expectantly. Quinn smiled and sat against the headboard, her smile widening when Elizabeth snuggled against her to look at the book with her. Quinn read her the story, adding voices and sound effects where she deemed necessary. Elizabeth giggled along, pointing to certain pictures in the book and adding her own commentary. By the time the story was finished, Elizabeth's eyes were drooping and she yawned widely. Quinn stood up and tucked the girl in, kissing her forehead before she shut off the light. "Goodnight, Elizabeth," Quinn whispered smoothing some hair from her face. "'Night, Quinn," Elizabeth yawned before pulling her stuffed animal to her chest.

Quinn walked quietly out of the room and shut the door, walking back into the kitchen where Rachel was. She wrapped her arms around her from behind and kissed the back of her neck gently. "Are you ready, baby?" she asked quietly, "I'm...kinda excited, actually." She smiled and kissed the shell of Rachel's ear, anticipation settling in her chest. She desperately desperately wanted the test to read positive. They had made leaps and bounds in their not-relationship today and maybe a negative reading would just put things back to normal. And that was the last thing Quinn wanted.


	13. False Positive, pt2

**Rachel:**

Guilt settled inside her when Quinn told her that she thought Rachel was going to kick her out as soon as she saw her. She was being so unfair. She wanted to apologize, kiss all over her lovely face and tell her how she _felt_. Rachel was filled to the brim with feelings for that woman, she was overflowing with things that needed to be said.

But Rachel spent too long dithering over whether she should or shouldn't, because Quinn was already up and away, leaving Rachel with just the oddest feeling ever. Guilt, mingling with butterflies because Quinn had called Elizabeth _"our little girl" _and that was just a surefire way to bring Rachel close to tears. She was a mess tonight. A mess of wobbly feelings inside. It would be madness if she wasn't pregnant, because between the sickness and the unreasonable, _ungodly_ amount of feelings, she was sure there had to be a baby growing someplace.

While the two girls were off reading bedtime stories, Rachel finally gave all her attention to the dishes, taking on the housewife role while trying in vain to listen to what the other two were saying. But soon enough, Quinn returned behind her, wrapping her arms around Rachel's waist and kissing her neck lightly. Carefully sliding Quinn's hand lower until it was right over her tummy, she took a second to just absorb the moment. She hadn't considered what would happen if she wasn't pregnant yet, and once she realized it, a different kind of worry set in. Would they go back to square one? Alienated and unsure again? They both wanted this new baby, and if she wasn't pregnant…

No. No, there was no point in thinking about that. Positive thinking only! She was pregnant. She was totally and completely pregnant. "Yeah." she said with quiet determination. "Let's go find out if we're having another baby." she grabbed the box and instructed Quinn to stay put, and to stay calm. She kissed her lips softly and disappeared to the bathroom to finally do the test.

The next three minutes were almost the longest of her life, but not quite. This time she was more prepared for a child. She knew she could do this. _They_ could do it. The first pregnancy test she had taken all those years ago was far more stressful than this one.

She returned to Quinn on shaky legs, without an answer yet. Sure it wasn't as stressful as the first one, but god, she was nervous. Her fingers were unsteady as she watched for a tiny symbol with hawk eyes. Her heart was pounding out of her chest, surely it would break her bones to get out and crawl away from all the anxiety building inside her and—

Oh.

All at once, everything Rachel was feeling dropped flat. She wasn't pregnant. She swallowed hard, eyes glazing over with tears that wouldn't fall. Her cheeks were warm from the sense that she had let them both down, but that was a fleeting feeling among an ocean of senselessness. "I'm— I'm not pregnant." she said in barely a whisper. It's strange to feel like you've lost something when you never really had it to start with, but that's what Rachel felt. Along with embarrassment for convincing herself that this silly fantasy was a reality, and a million other things too. "I'm sorry." she said, controlling her voice as much as she could. "I'm uh— I'm going to bed." she wanted the night to be over, right now. The end. Rachel shut herself off in the way she never would have before. But lots of things had changed.

Without her usual kiss, or even a look in Quinn's direction, Rachel shuffled off towards the bedroom, leaving the door open for Quinn to join her if she wanted to. Or not. She burrowed into the puffy bed with a face of misery until nothing but her wide eyes peeked out from the cloud engulfing her. Somehow she didn't think she'd be sleeping that night.

**Quinn:**

Quinn sat in a chair as Rachel instructed her, her hands fiddling nervously with the sleeve of her shirt as Rachel went away to take the test. She wanted this baby. God, she wanted it. And Rachel wanted it too! They went from a not-relationship to _hoping _Rachel was pregnant with another baby. Now not only did Quinn want the baby for her own selfish reasons, but she wanted the baby because Rachel wanted it. And anyone who knew them knew that Quinn would do anything she could to get Rachel what she wanted. Right now, everything they were going on was based on the assumption that there was a baby growing inside of Rachel and they didn't have to think seriously about logistics or finances. Everything would change when (if) the test proved positive. But Quinn knew they could do it. They had to.

When Rachel came back, Quinn reached for her and pulled her onto her lap, holding her securely against her. She kissed between tense shoulder blades and absently let her hand rest of Rachel's stomach like the brunette had done earlier. Quinn's emotions were all over the place at the moment. She was nervous but excited because she was _sure _they were pregnant. Positive of it. Rachel had to be, right? She had been through this before, she knew all the signs. Quinn rested her chin on Rachel's shoulder, her feet drumming nervously on the tile of the kitchen floor as they waited. It had to be almost time, right? They had to know soon.

Rachel's body slumped a little bit, like she had been deflated. And Quinn knew. She didn't even need to hear Rachel say it. She knew. Her heart broke and her feet stopped tapping on the floor as her mind tried to make sense of this. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of her and she just wanted to cry. She could hear the tears in Rachel's voice and it only broke her heart more. "Rachel-" But the brunette was off her lap and gone without even giving Quinn a chance to speak.

She let out a shaky breath, closing her eyes and allowing a few tears to fall before she wiped all evidence of them away with the back of her hand. Sure she was hurt and upset, but so was Rachel and she was her priority right now. So she stood up and walked over to the sink, getting herself a glass of water and downing it. It did little to soothe her throat, still burning from her need to cry but she walked towards the bedroom anyways. She shut off the lights of the apartment as she went before closing the bedroom door behind her.

Rachel was buried under the covers, hardly visible if you weren't looking for her. Quinn didn't even bother looking for pajamas, she just pulled off her jeans and top to crawl into the bed behind Rachel. She burrowed after her, pressing the front of her body to the brunette's. "Babylove," she whispered softly, "talk to me? Please?" She kissed along Rachel's shoulder and waited for a response, her heart still aching. "I'm disappointed too," she disclosed, her hands running up and down Rachel's bare arm. She scooted a little closer to Rachel and twisted her head so she could press a kiss to Rachel's ear.

"Rachel, let's make a baby," she breathed out, "You and me. On purpose this time. Then we don't have to be disappointed." The sadness was apparent in Quinn's voice and she kissed behind Rachel's ear, her heart flipping hopefully. She was too disappointed to think about what she was suggesting, which was her and Rachel _planning _another baby. That would imply they were in more than just a not-relationship and despite the progress they had made tonight, she wasn't sure if that's what Rachel wanted anymore. Maybe she was okay with it when it was necessary, when they had a baby on the way, but to purposely plan one...that was different. Rachel didn't have to be tied to Quinn in that way if she didn't want to. "We already know we can do it," Quinn reasoned, her hand moving to Rachel's tummy.

**Rachel:**

She heard Quinn enter the bedroom but she didn't look from where she was staring blankly ahead. Well, not until she felt skin. She realized Quinn was in nothing but her boxers and probably her bra, which felt a lot like the old days between them when Quinn would always sleep like this. But she could hear that Quinn's throat was tight with tears, so there was no time to smile. Rachel wanted to envelop her in a hug and make it all better but she was frozen with racing thoughts.

They were both so upset about this. This silly fantasy that they could have another baby. She was only now processing how much they had desperately wanted it, and how alarming that really was. She had deluded herself into thinking that despite being on the pill, they were part of the four percent that defied all odds and got pregnant regardless. How crazy did that make her? What did it even mean that she could fool herself like that? Did she really want another baby with Quinn _that_ badly?

But all too suddenly, the insanity in her own head didn't matter anymore because things were even crazier outside of it. Quinn was suggesting that they actually _try_ for a baby. Oh god. She opened her mouth to say something, to tell her that she was being ridiculous, only a hand on her tummy made tears spring to her eyes instantly and her voice choke up in her throat. Still, she had to gather herself as best she could, so taking a deep breath, she tried to speak. "Y-You aren't thinking straight, Quinn." she said, though it didn't sound convincing. The more she thought about what Quinn was suggesting, the more she kind of thought it wasn't a bad idea.

They could add to their family. Quinn would stay this time. Sure, Rachel would probably never get a chance to go back to performing, and Quinn would have to be the provider for a few years, probably. But they could do it, and they could be happy. Right?

No. No, it was too soon, they were both too wrapped up in an emotional day to make a decision like this right now.

She twisted in Quinn's arms until they were face-to-face. Seeing Qu"inn's sadness actually made Rachel feel a little bit better. It reminded her that they were both in this together. "We can't. I just… don't think we're supposed to have another one yet." she hated being the voice of reason, especially now, but someone had to. "We need to sort out… whatever this is that we have together first, so if we ever decide to bring another baby into the mix, she'll be coming into a nice world." Rachel wasn't entirely sure if she was making sense, because it all sounded ridiculous to her own ears. She wanted to throw caution to the wind, to pull Quinn on top of her and wrap her legs around her, and make their baby.

But the tiny, responsible part of her was saying "No, don't!" and she couldn't bring herself to defy it. She slid her leg between Quinn's and shuffled closer, kissing her chin softly because it was the first place she could reach. "Maybe in the future sometime." and that should have been where it ended. Only Rachel's mind was still on how bad it would really be to just… try? To make a baby with Quinn, intentionally this time. Her feet were restless, wiggling at the end of the bed as her thoughts churned. Sleep was futile.

**Quinn:**

Even know Quinn knew the words coming out of Rachel's mouth were the responsible, adult thing, she was still upset. She didn't care that they should wait. They technically should have waited with Elizabeth too but here she was and she was perfect. Would the second baby be any different?

Rachel turned to face her and Quinn's hand slid up the back of her shirt, resting on her lower back so that the pads of her fingers could run over the warm skin just above the waistband of her pants. She saw the sadness in Rachel's face, heard it in her voice, and it only made her feel that they _could _do this. And they should. They would make another baby together and it would be perfect and things would be how they should have been three years ago. With their little family living happily.

That's when it hit her. Maybe she was using another baby as a way to get what she wanted, a life with Rachel. But she _wanted _another baby too, being able to really be with Rachel was just one of the perks. Right? When she thought about it she knew that now wasn't the right time. They could think about it later when Rachel wasn't standing her up at parks and getting upset at Quinn for reasons she could never figure out.

"I have us sorted out," Quinn said, still hurt that they wouldn't soon be a family a four, "I know what I want. I want _you_. I want to be with you. Really be with you." Part of her wanted to lash out and tell Rachel it was _her _who was holding things up. It was her because she couldn't figure out if she actually wanted Quinn, and didn't that make her feel good. She was good enough to sleep with and kiss when it tickled her fancy but to actually _be _with her was the challenge for Rachel. But Quinn let this...this not-relationship happen because she wanted to feel loved, to feel needed. She willingly stepped into this so that she could pretend that they were a real couple. A real family. Sometimes it got to her more, like the night Rachel wouldn't answer her calls or was just snappy with her. Those nights, well, those nights Quinn would let herself cling onto Dolly like she was some kind of life support and just cry pathetically into her fur. This whatever they had was wearing her down but the delusion she painted for herself was more important to her than what she knew would eventually lead to a breakdown.

_Maybe in the future sometime_. Isn't that what Rachel had said about being a real couple? Was all anything Quinn was ever going to get from Rachel just noncommittal promises for the future? But any kind of fight died in Quinn's chest because Rachel was scooting closer to her and kissing her chin. Everything Quinn had felt seemed to melt away to brew until a later date and she pulled Rachel even closer, kissing her lips softly. She felt Rachel's feet moving and captured one of them with her own. She knew from experience that that meant Rachel's mind was still racing.

"Rach," she began quietly, "what are you thinking about? Tell me." She pressed their foreheads together and looked directly into brown eyes as best she could in the dim light from the outside. She held one of Rachel's hands in her own and she sighed. "I know what you say about waiting is true. But, the selfish part of me really wants this baby. I want a little baby and I want them to look just like you." A baby that looked just like Rachel? With her nose? Quinn knew she'd be absolutely smitten at first sight. "Do you not want another baby with me?" Quinn asked barely above a whisper, her own insecurities coming out.

**Rachel:**

Rachel just wanted it to end. The whole night, it just needed to finish, because Quinn was breaking her heart by telling the truth. Quinn was baring her heart here and Rachel was already closed off. It was like role-reversal, reminiscent of the days when Rachel had to carefully and lovingly drag all those well-hidden emotions out of Quinn, slowly break down all the walls her father had put up for her. But Rachel wasn't sure there was anyone to do the same for her, and more than that, she wasn't sure if she wanted anyone to do it. She was a sucker for staying tucked up warmly in her safety zone.

But it was hardly fair that she was expected to leave it anyway. Rachel had good reason to feel afraid of this. Right? Didn't she deserve the time she was asking for? Could Quinn still not understand that she was already in love with her, but she just needed the time and the space to build up some trust, and to process the change to her life? And sure, Quinn had proved herself pretty well over the last few months, but she had managed to build trust for years and still walk away. So Rachel deserved time! And Quinn should respect that, not just… ask her to have another _baby._

Still, Rachel did want to make it better for Quinn regardless, because it's not like she wanted to hurt her. And she seemed genuine in her feelings, Rachel couldn't fault her there. She had been open and loving and just wonderful, really. A big part of Rachel wanted to forget about all the reasons why she shouldn't dive head first into love, and focus on all the reasons she should. But the poor girl could never make sense of anything anymore. Always torn.

It was a relief when they both finally decided to just sleep, even if she knew she wouldn't be getting any sleep at all. As long as they weren't talking, she was happ-

Oh.

Quinn knew. It was the damn twitchy feet. That girl knew her far too well, even down to such tiny facts like that, that no one else in the whole world knew. Quinn was the only person who would even think to still one of her restless feet with her own and ask her outright what was on her mind. It was the small things that made Rachel so sure that they were right for each other.

Her eyes snapped into focus when she heard Quinn's insecure voice drop to a whisper, uttering a question that nearly broke Rachel's heart completely. She sighed, holding on tighter to the hand in her own. That was another thing. No one else knew that she liked falling asleep holding hands, or that she liked holding hands during slightly more intimate events as well. But Quinn did. It only made her heart slump that bit more.

"I want a million babies with you." she answered sincerely. "I know you don't get it. I can see that you don't understand why I need things to be like they are for now. But I wish you knew that you are the only person in the world who I'd ever want this with." She snuggled that bit closer until their noses bumped, telling her to move back a teeny bit again. "Everything, not just babies. It's you I want to share it with." She felt almost embarrassed to be baring her soul like this, not used to it after three years of living as an iceberg. She felt vulnerable, exposed, just plain scared. "I just need time." she said quietly, and with that, the fear got the better of her. She ended the conversation as best she could by turning to her other side, with her back pressed to Quinn's front, hoping that Quinn would just mumble her goodnights, kiss her shoulder softly, and go to sleep.

**Quinn:**

Quinn searched Rachel's face, trying to figure out what she was thinking but it was so _hard_. She didn't know whether it was because she was so out of practice of reading Rachel's mind, or if it was because before, she never had to. Rachel had always been so open with her, wearing her heart on her sleeve for anyone who would listen. She was always the one who encouraged Quinn to stop living so in her head, to be more open. Now Quinn felt like it was her trying to get emotions out of Rachel. She was definitely not used to that.

Her heart warmed when Rachel said she wanted to have babies with her. A small smile tugged at her lips and she rubbed her thumb over the back of Rachel's hand, lacing their fingers even tighter. She blinked a little when their noses touched, scooting closer to Rachel to make up for the distance she had put between them so their noses were touching once more. Quinn nuzzled Rachel's nose and listened to Rachel talk about babies and Quinn being the only one she wanted to share that with. To share everything with. Quinn chewed on her lip because she wanted to understand. She wanted to know why, if Rachel really felt this way, she needed to keep pushing her away.

Quinn frowned when Rachel turned away, signaling the end of the conversation. She snuggled into Rachel's back, kissing her shoulder and wrapping her arm around the petite woman so that she could still lace their fingers together. As much as she knew Rachel wanted her to just leave it at that and just attempt to sleep, she knew that wasn't going to be happening. Propping her elbow up under her, Quinn leaned over Rachel as best she could while pressing lightly into her body to encourage her to move on her back.

"You're right, I don't understand," Quinn admitted, kissing Rachel's earlobe, "Explain it to me?" Quinn brought Rachel's hand to her lips and kissed it gently. "Please?" she whispered against the soft skin of her hand, "I want to understand, Rachel."

Quinn took a moment to look at Rachel, really look at her and try to read her mind. She looked almost scared. She looked sad. "You look sad, babylove," Quinn whispered, "don't be sad." Quinn pressed soft butterfly kisses to any part of Rachel's face that she could find, hoping to coax at least a _little _smile from her. This night had been a whirlwind of emotions. Emotions had gone from scared to excited to hopeful to anxious to disappointed to just...sad. The blonde wanted it to end. She wanted to see Rachel smile again.

Humming quietly, Rachel began to sing softly, barely above a whisper, "_Baby love, my baby love, I need you. Oh, how I need you. But all you do is treat me bad, break my heart and leave me sad." _She giggled and kissed Rachel's ear again. That song always made Rachel at least crack a small smile before and maybe it would still work. Sure the night was heavy with emotions but there needed to be something else. Anything.

**Rachel:**

Quinn was like a puppy. Rachel wanted to stop playing, but the puppy kept coming back with its toy of the day, nudging Rachel and looking up with big sad eyes that she just couldn't say no to. Sighing in defeat, she flopped onto her back like Quinn was silently requesting.

How was Rachel supposed to explain the truth? She didn't want to break Quinn's heart with it. The same way it was breaking her own heart to hear Quinn sing her that song in a giggly whisper. Had the song always been about treating someone bad, breaking their heart and leaving them sad? Because Rachel used to love that song, and Quinn singing it to her was her favorite of all. But suddenly, the lyrics just seemed to accuse her. She was already only seconds away from tears, she felt stretched so thin and she just didn't know which way to go. She was torn. Open up, or shut it down for the night? She didn't know. And that damn song made her heart ache in a way that made her sort of smile sadly at the other woman. Why did no one ever tell her that love could be this hard?

Finally, cautiously, she turned to Quinn with her own big, sad eyes, willing to talk just a little. Licking her lips lightly, she started after just a second of hesitation. "I don't know how to tell you this Quinn. I don't want you to take it the wrong way." a shy hand crept out to cup Quinn's neck, reassuring her as best she could, but she had a feeling it was all about to go horribly wrong.

"I already feel so many things for you. Good things that I'm not ready to talk about yet." The hand on her neck drifted to her almost-exposed chest, above her heart. "I wouldn't want another baby with you otherwise. And I wouldn't ask you to read Elizabeth stories or ask you to sleep over _just_ so we can cuddle a bit before we sleep if I didn't feel those things." All good, lovely things. And… now for the 'but'. "But you don't know how much you hurt me. I know you don't, because if you did, you wouldn't walk back into my life _expecting_ me to be okay with everything. I need time to trust that you aren't going to walk away again, and that you're going to be strong enough for Elizabeth, even if that means telling your parents to back off if they come back saying things that scare you. You have to be stronger than that." It was her best attempt at not saying Quinn had been a coward, but the truth is that she was. She let them scare her away when Rachel and Elizabeth both needed her to prioritize them, not her parents' reputation, or whatever had driven them to say those awful things.

"What you did…" she swallowed, looking down to where their hands were joined. "Was _so_ selfish. Which was horrible when you walked away from me, but when there are children involved, you just _can't_ do it. It isn't fair. And I need to know that you won't get scared in five years and leave Elizabeth wondering why her mommy left her _again_." Rachel knew the truth had to hurt, but this was the answer Quinn was looking for, wasn't it? She wanted to know why Rachel felt this way, well here it was. "I want to be with you, Quinn. I want this life with you, but I need to ease into it."

Her throat ached with the heavy lump in it. She looked up, finally, and wanted to take back everything and just apologize. But she couldn't. "Please don't think I don't want to be with you though. In the future, when we're both a bit more stable, both emotionally and financially, I'd love to have more babies with you. Make our family a huge one." she smiled, though it wasn't quite right. "Do you— um. Do you have anything you want to… say to that? You can tell me I'm wrong, if you want to." Honestly Rachel was dying to hear Quinn snap and tell her in no uncertain terms that she was different now. This timid version of Quinn Fabray scared Rachel. A timid Quinn could easily be swayed to leave again, couldn't she? Because she wouldn't stand up for herself, wouldn't confront Rachel about anything, not even her hot and cold attitude. And if Quinn couldn't even be strong about that, then how could anyone expect her to be strong where a family is concerned? Not to mention that Rachel didn't even _want_ such a subservient girlfriend! She wanted an equal, a partner in crime. She wanted her old Quinn.

**Quinn:**

Just with Rachel's eyes alone Quinn knew she should have just let it be and not said anything. Her heart broke just from the way that Rachel was cupping her neck. Lumps were already forming in her throat and she swallowed thickly, willing them to go away. Quinn listened patiently to Rachel, not letting all the good things she was saying lure her into too much a sense of security. Because she knew the 'but' was coming. It always did.

Yep. There it was.

It felt like Quinn's heart was being ripped to shreds. And the worst part was she _asked _for this. She asked for the truth and she got it. And damn did it hurt. The worse part was the Quinn knew Rachel was right. She was being unfair. For three years they had been apart and had time to change and grow without the other, adapt to being on their own. But then Quinn came back into Rachel's life and everything changed. Rachel had given Quinn an inch with the whole not-relationship thing and Quinn wanted a mile. She wanted everything that Rachel wasn't ready to give her. And for good reason.

Was Quinn strong? She didn't know. She knew that her parents no longer had any influence on her but what about everything else? Quinn was starting to doubt herself and she shook it off. Because she knew she _was _strong enough. She just knew it.

_Selfish_. The word from Rachel's mouth just left a bad taste on her tongue and she looked down between them at their joined hands. Yeah, she was selfish. At the time she thought she was being selfless, a martyr for the good of Rachel and Elizabeth but it had all been a reasoning that just stood to make her feel better about her selfishness. Throughout their relationship people had always told Quinn that Rachel was selfish, that she was being selfish for one reason or another, and Quinn just waved it off. She knew it was true to some extent but she loved Rachel and that meant loving her despite some of her selfish behavior. But when it really came down to it, Quinn was the selfish one and Rachel stepped up to the plate. She could have gotten rid of the baby and continued with her life. Just the thought of it made Quinn sick but maybe she'd be on Broadway right now. Maybe she would have been nominated for a Tony with offers lined up at her door. But she gave up her dream, the one thing in life she had always wanted, for Elizabeth. To give _their child _a chance at the world and a chance to pursue her dreams like her Mommy never got to. Rachel ended up being the selfless one out of the two of them.

Tears welled up in Quinn's eyes just at the thought of leaving Elizabeth again. She knew that was the one thing she could never do, but Rachel seemed convinced that she always had one foot out the door despite numerous attempts to prove her wrong. Would she never get passed that moment in her life? She just wanted to go through and erase it from everyone's memory because it would surely be haunting her for the rest of her life.

Then when Rachel asked if she wanted to say anything, if she wanted to tell her she was wrong. Truthfully, Quinn wanted to cry, angry frustrated tears and tell Rachel she was wrong. All wrong. She _could _be strong like Rachel and Elizabeth needed and she had changed. She had changed from the stupid coward that made the worst mistake of her life to who she was now. Stronger, determined to keep Rachel and their daughter in her life. But she was afraid it would just turn Rachel off more. She was afraid that her yelling and getting upset would just give Rachel more of a reason to show her the way to the door, to never come back. They had been walking on such thin ice and Quinn didn't want to do or say the thing that would finally break them again. That's why she took all the mood swings and ignored phone calls. As far as she was concerned, Rachel was the one making all the decisions right now. She was driving their not-relationship and Quinn was okay with that for now. Quinn had come too far to lose Rachel and Elizabeth now.

Quinn's eyes were still glued to their entwined fingers and she thought of the ring box she still kept stored deep into her bottom drawer. She hadn't been able to take it back, just in case she would need it again. Santana got upset with her, saying that it was just proof that Quinn was unwilling to move on and start new. In some ways the former Cheerio was true, but right now Quinn wondered if that would solve all their problems right now. Would that even be enough to prove to Rachel she was here not just for now but forever?

"I'm not leaving," Quinn said with a sort of finality, "I told you that a million times and I'll tell you a million more until you believe it. I'm not going anywhere. But you were right, I was selfish. I was a selfish coward and you're already giving me more than I deserve." Quinn shrugged and looked up at Rachel, her eyes still a little hazy from tears that wouldn't fall. She didn't know what else to say. She really had nothing else and right now all she wanted to do was cry. So with a sad, lingering kiss on Rachel's lips, she offered a small smile and shut her eyes, letting out a long breath. "Goodnight, Rachel," she said thickly, "I'll see you in the morning."


End file.
